Lessons Learned from the Dads in My Life

 “A good father is one of the most unsung, upraised, unnoticed, and yet one of the most valuable assets in our society.”

These words from the American evangelist, Reverend Billy Graham, echo loudly for me as we approach Father’s Day in the United States, because I was blessed in life to not have one good father but two. As fate would have it, my two Dads were called to their eternal home within four months of each other. The loss of these two men has given me a chance to reflect on the beautiful lessons they taught me over the years and, what they taught me about work.

While I did not get to know my father-in-law until I was a young man, I immediately realized that he was cut from the same cloth as my father. They each shared a similar story and journey as each were immigrants to the United States. Additionally, their philosophy and stories about work and life in general became a choir whenever they were together. My father, Amato Nisco, and my father-in-law, Anthony Gioffre, were both born in Italy as the winds of war were picking up throughout Europe. They both left their homes and families at a very young age. My father left for Venezuela at the age of 14 to earn money for the family, and my father-in-law was sent away at the age of 10 years to the United States due to the war. After four years in Venezuela, my father came to this country with very little in his pockets and like my father-in-law, he struggled to assimilate and learn a new language. They each earned a high school degree and ended their education at that level. The road toward to the proverbial American Dream for them was in front of them, but they knew that it would take their hands, muscle, and grit instead of books to achieve that dream.

My father was a cabinet maker by trade. He was a skilled craftsman that could take a piece of plywood and finishing wood and turn it into furniture that would grace a living room or bedroom. After years of working as a carpenter with the local union, he decided to venture out on his own and became a successful contractor and entrepreneur. My father-in-law, after serving in the Pacific during WWII for his adopted country, became a master tool and die maker with Pitney Bowes and many of his inventions and designs for Pitney Bowes are listed in the Index of Patents Issued from the United States Patent and Trademark Office.

While their skills and trades were different, the lessons I learned about work from both were similar and those lessons have become my North Star. They give me guidance during both good and challenging times. So, I would like to share these lessons with you as my tribute and honor to two men who taught me so much and have molded the man I have become today.

1.      Integrity: Both men instilled in me that the most important character trait that I could have is to be honest. I can still hear these words from my childhood and then from father-in law, who would always remind me: “Your word is gold.”  Being honest went beyond being truthful and decent with my peers, customers, or superiors, but most importantly, it meant be honest to myself. It meant being able to look in the mirror and be proud of who you were and what you stood for. It meant to never take a short cut or try to cheat yourself, because in the end, the one you hurt the most is yourself and those you love.

2.      Hard Work & Sacrifice: Honestly, I think somehow these two men must of have known each other in a past life. As I mentioned above, for them the only way to achieve success was to work hard and put in all the necessary hours to achieve their goal. I remember the long hours my father would put in during the day, and then head down to his workshop and work another 4 hours building cabinets as a side job. My father-in- law would tell me stories of having three to four jobs in order to provide for his family. For me, this lesson taught me the importance of rolling up my sleeves and doing whatever it takes to get the job done.

3.      Discipline: They both had a goal in mind and a vision of what they wanted to achieve, and that goal was to give their children opportunities that they did not have. With that goal in mind, they did not waver, and they were both disciplined to always put work first before their pleasure. If it meant, waking up at 4 am and working late nights, there was no complaining and no sick days to take. This served me well in my first job ever when I was a newspaper delivery boy. There were days that I did not want to go out, especially in the dark, cold, wet days. Ultimately, the discipline that they adhered to taught me that organizing and prioritizing your tasks and sticking to a plan was critical to achieving a goal.

4.      Problem Solving and Resiliency:  As much planning and discipline that they adhered to throughout their careers, there was always an obstacle or something unplanned that could disrupt their best laid out intentions. In my teenage years, I had the good fortune of working with my dad on the job. I had a front seat view to his skill and ability to create. I also witnessed firsthand his reaction when breaking down a wall, he would notice an issue or structural damage that was not in the plan. Apart from the first words in his native Italian that I learned at an early age, he would take a step back from the situation as calmly assess the situation. There was no quick or impulsive reaction. Often, he would look at me and say, ok …lets take a break and think about this. It taught me at an early age, that when a problem arose, often times, taking a step back, or “sleeping on it” would give me time to assess the situation, analyze the pro’s and con’s of the next steps and or solution, and develop a plan to get back on track. It taught me to become resilient to difficult situations and ultimately to have faith that there is always a silver lining.

5.      Creativity and Innovation: It is often said, that “Necessity is the mother of invention”, and this couldn’t be any truer with both men. Both men, even though they worked with their hands were artists in their own way. My father-in law would often spend time with me and help with work that needed to be done, and there was nothing he couldn’t fix and put together. My first reaction would often be to get the keys and head to the hardware store, and there was Dad stopping me to say, I figured out a way to fix this, and sure enough his ability to quickly problem solve led to these unbelievable inventions. You see, for him, being a child of the Great Depression, he was taught from an early age to make the most of what he had and make it scalable for other purposes. My father on the other hand, could design and sketch out blueprints for major renovations and all this was done without formal training or schooling. As a child I would sit and watch him take a white sheet of paper and start to tell a story through his designs. It was like watching a magician at work. These lessons taught me that is ok to rethink a process and its ok to start with a blank palette, because that where the magic happens.

6.      Courage: For me, this was the most challenging lesson to learn because there was always so much risk associated with it. I always associated courage with the fear of failure, the fear of being the only one with a different opinion, and the fear of letting go of control. As I became a young man and have more responsibilities, I began to understand what their courage meant. Both my father and father-in-law were teaching this all-important lesson to me until the day they passed away. You see, throughout their lives they both took risks and had the courage to stand up for their convictions with the knowledge that doing so could harm their careers. They were fiercely both proud of their independence and they would always march to the beat of their own drums. Often, I would hear stories from my father-in-law of his days in the 6th Battalion, US Army Rangers of how he would stand up to even commanding officer because he knew he was standing true to his values and moral upbringing. Often, my father would always tell me, Paul it is better to live one day like a lion, then 100 days as a sheep. I learned quickly that he was telling me to not be a follower and a people pleaser, but be the one that stands up for what you believe in. Ultimately, it was in their final days of life that they taught me the greatest lesson of courage. As my father’s health deteriorated rapidly in his final days, he showed no fear but only courage. My father’s last lesson to me was leaving me with the image of his two fists pumped up in the air that he was going to pull through and if he didn’t, he was ready to move on, and that everything would be ok.

These six lessons and so many more are a gift to me. As mentioned in the beginning of my story, I was truly blessed to be given these two men. Their stories, work ethics, and values are ingrained in me and have allowed me to become the person that I am today. Ironically, I did not develop the skills and craftsmanship they had with tools and with wood, but they were great teachers, and it is fitting that in a way, my career has been devoted to facilitating and empowering other to continue to learn new skills and providing them with the tools to further develop their careers. As Father’s Day approaches, I am filled with love and gratitude for my two Dads.