Lessons in Leadership From Ted

I recently attended the most extraordinary celebration of life.?What made this event unique is that our ‘guest of honor’ was present.?As my friend so aptly put it, ‘we learned more about how to live and die in 90 minutes than in our entire life up until this point.’ Hundreds of people attended in person, and thousands more live streamed the event. There was a 3-hour line to speak with Ted – to share a memory, to thank him, to ask for advice, and to take one last picture. Despite being wheelchair-bound and visibly tired, Ted stayed until he spoke with every last person on that long line.?

Ben Platt, Beanie Feldstein, Alison Janney, Max Fried, Jack Flaherty…the list of celebrities and friends attending was certainly noteworthy.?As remarkable as this is, it was all of the other participants --- some famous, but mostly not – that made this day truly extraordinary.

So, who was Ted?

Ted Walch served as Harvard Westlake School’s drama and philosophy teacher for the past 30+ years. He came to Harvard-Westlake, a private middle and high school in Los Angeles, CA, via The Branson School, St. Albans and Kenyon College where he taught for another ~20 years.?

The audience of former students and colleagues hung on every word as speaker after speaker and entertainer after entertainer taught us some of life’s greatest lessons, all taught to them by Ted.?

With my son and daughter in the audience, having been mentored and taught by Ted, I marveled that one person could touch so many lives.?By many of society’s barometers, Ted wasn’t extraordinary --- he was neither famous nor wealthy.?But I guess that is what makes this story so remarkable – that one fallible, imperfect, intelligent and compassionate person could make such a profound difference in so many people’s lives.?That one relatively inconspicuous person could teach people so much about how to lead, teach and love, and in doing so, shape the trajectory of thousands of lives.

With Ted as my teacher, I have learned invaluable lessons about my own leadership that I share here.?At the intersection of teaching and leadership, I have sharpened my perspective on what makes a great leader, especially in business. ??In this spirit, I offer “Lessons in Leadership From Ted.”

Help people to discover who they want to be, and then get out of the way.

The stories of success varied at the celebration --- from professional baseball player, to journalist, to teacher, to a Tony award-winning Broadway star.?But the one consistent theme was how Ted saw, listened, mentored and coaxed those in his vast orbit.?Our job is to tease out through a deep and trusting partnership with those we lead that which inspires passion, rather than being quick with advice that mirrors our preconceived notions of success.?Our job is not to jump in and solve for the challenges, or worse yet, to point out those obstacles in a manner that dims the vision. Our job is to encourage the journey of discovery without preconception about how that journey will unfold.?This is not to say that our job as a leader is not to be honest, especially about shortcomings and obstacles, but I will get to that later.

Many leaders are natural problem-solvers, especially in business. Our inclination is to find the shortest path from discovery to resolution.?Management should not be mistaken for leadership, however.?Leadership is not about setting the path, it’s about enabling the path.?It’s not about finding the most convenient or expeditious solution, it’s about uncovering the often unarticulated and unidentified set of interests and motivations that allow for novel solutions.?Leadership is about guiding, not prescribing.?Management is about holding on, and leadership is often about letting go. And, by letting go, we subject ourselves and those we lead to risk. Risk that our efforts will not result in something extraordinary. Yet, when we lead, we create new possibilities and reveal what people are truly capable of achieving.

?There is no more important place to be than with those who seek our advice and counsel.

How can one man have touched so many people, so much so that people would fly across the world to attend a celebration of life??My best friend’s husband is a teacher at Harvard-Westlake.?Ten years ago she died at the age of 36, leaving behind two small children.?Ted also lost his mother at 36 when he was four years old.?When my friend’s husband was struggling, it was Ted who found the time to be there.?This helped my friend navigate a terrible year, become a better teacher, help his children thrive, and build empathy as a leader in the school.?

I recall a story many years ago in the group I led at a large healthcare organization.?I had just learned of a tragedy in our group.?One of our employees was involved in a car accident and her 2-year old daughter was trapped in a burning car and perished.?I did not know the employee well, but was compelled to speak with her and simply listen and acknowledge her deep pain.?This first meeting flourished into a lifelong friendship based on a shared understanding of grief and a desire to turn that into a career devoted to making positive change in our communities.

I have seen too many leaders succumb to the crisis of the day.?Too many check-in meetings cancelled.?Performance reviews delayed indefinitely, leaving the employee with no outlet to seek advice or share concerns.?I’ve seen meetings turn into one-way dialogues, barking orders and pummeling staff with a barrage of questions, leaving no room for natural dialogue.?Some see expressions of frustration and concern inappropriate for the workplace. ?Some leaders are uncomfortable with the blurred lines between professional and personal lives. Often, little to no effort is spent on more deeply understanding people – their passions, interests, and challenges, resulting in lost opportunities for personal and professional growth.

Ted didn’t see things that way.?He was simply never too bothered, too busy, too indifferent.?In our authentic and personal conversations, both the employee and manager grow.?Solutions become deeper. Trust is built.?Loyalty is fostered.?Ideas flourish.?Problems are solved.?Careers are built.?Great things are accomplished. Leaders are born.

Embrace every chance and planned encounter as an opportunity for friendship and growth.

I told Ted shortly before his passing that I never met anyone where a single meeting could turn into a meaningful relationship.?But that was Ted.?My son and I found ourselves ‘stranded’ in Paris on our way back from Africa.?All it took was one call to Ted, who was spending the summer in Paris writing a book, and we found ourselves at his house as a guest enjoying a memorable evening in Paris together.?We were friends from that night on.

The value of networking is widely understood by successful business leaders.?Networking relationships are often about reciprocity – you help me and I will help you.?They are about advancing an initiative, seeking advice and building an even larger network. They are characterized by sharing ideas and knowledge.

There is nothing wrong with networking.?It’s an essential part of doing business.

What I am talking about with Ted has little to do with traditional networking.?Ted’s circle of friends, those who adored him and sought his wisdom, was vast.?It spanned decades.?It represented people from all walks of life, from religious leaders to actors to business people.?I venture to guess that some people spoke with Ted often, and others spoke to him infrequently.?For the latter, there was likely little hesitation to reach out, because Ted had this way of making you feel important and his friend for life.?I struggle with hyperbole here.?I really do.?But on the day of the celebration, this is how everyone I met recalled Ted, so it just feels right to me.

As leaders in business, we are often sought out.?I wonder how our relationships would change if we didn’t differentiate between business contacts and the sheer joy of getting to know and open ourselves up to the amazing people we cross paths with in our everyday lives.?I wonder what opportunities and personal and professional growth would occur if we treated everyone we met as a potential friend.?I wonder how many of us don’t follow up with the incredible people we meet and make time for friendships to develop. I wonder how our lives would be enriched if we took every chance or planned encounter as an opportunity for a lifelong friendship.?For me, I think it would be transformative.

Be honest, but lead with love

At Ted’s celebration of life, many shared with warmth and humor how Ted delivered honest and constructive messages to them.?David Ignatius, noted author and journalist, was a student of Ted’s at the St. Alban school in Washington, DC.?As a 17 year old English student, Ted informed David that he “wrote like a pamphleteer.” Tough criticism, yes, but it was followed by years of mentorship and friendship and a commitment to help David hone his craft.

In the final minutes the celebration of life, Ted took the stage for one last time.?In Ted’s words, he summed his philosophy of ‘leadership’ beautifully:?“It works this way. If you hadn’t showed up, I wouldn’t have showed up...there is only one word that we all need to make it through, and that word is love.?It’s that simple.?Don’t try to fuss it up.”

Love is not often spoken of in business. But from my leadership experience, love in business comes in the form of empathy and the search for deep understanding.?It speaks to priorities --- how we spend our time as leaders.?Honesty stems from and precedes an authentic desire to help others achieve great things.?Honesty is not mean-spirited and it’s not a one-way conversation.?As a matter of fact, it’s often multiple conversations.?When we send an employee off to make something better, we are committing to be there for the ride.?Being honest and direct is critical in leadership.?But how we do that and how we move beyond that first conversation to help the individual grow and improve is even more important.?

Much has been written about leadership.?The lessons, at some point, become perfunctory, almost cliché.?Ted taught me by profound example the simplicity in leading from your heart and prioritizing the human connection.?He taught me the power of those moments when we have a choice to be present and the extraordinary impact a single person can have if those moments are embraced.?For these lessons, I will be forever grateful.