Lessons I've Learned - 4

Lesson 4

Exactly 29 years ago to the day, I became a father. Late afternoon on a rainy day in June 1991, I caught the first glimpse of my daughter Angelica and I knew life would never be the same again. Becoming a dad is the scariest and greatest feeling ever. The rush of emotion, the feeling of helplessness, and the weight of responsibility really make you think hard about the future. This beautiful, magical, tiny creature now looks up to you as her everything and your brain just goes on hyperdrive trying to figure out how to be the best at this new life role.

Babies don’t come with a manual and the internet was a few years off, so during our time, parenting was a trial by error type of thing. Truthfully, it was much easier then when the world was not as connected and life in general was a bit slower and simpler. Nowadays, trying to find the balance in our different roles at work and home while juggling the challenges of everyday life is a real hurdle for all parents. 

One lesson my father shared with me that stuck over the years was a very simple piece of advice: be present in your children’s memories.

Looking back on my own childhood, happy memories that were very vivid were both simple everyday ones and large first-time experiences. From catching the last full showing of Star Wars in a theater to the drives back from our grandparents’ place in the province. From learning how to drive and do handbrake turns (my dad did rally driving back in his day), to digging the car out from the sugarcane field because I took a turn too fast on the dirt road and plowed into the bank of the field. Of the first time flying in a plane with my two brothers for a trip out of the country with my dad. 

I have four daughters and all of them are adults now. For me, being present in their memories when they were growing up meant planning trips and going the extra mile to create experiences that they would recall when older. It meant taking one of them when I had to work on weekends and dropping by a Starbucks or KFC to have a snack and spend time together, just me and the daughter for the day. It meant learning how to surf with my youngest daughters while being the oldest person in the class.

Life is so much faster and complex nowadays that it is a real challenge to be present and in the moment. Technology is a double-edged sword when it comes to modern day fatherhood.

On the good side, recording events and capturing everyday memories has become ridiculously easy. Now, you can be halfway around the world and be present thru a video call to be able to greet someone and be present for a birthday like I did yesterday. On the bad side, technology can take us away from the present moment when we are physically there, but our minds are not. Technology takes over the need to communicate and an emoticon becomes a surrogate way to express heartfelt emotions. As work hours blend into family time and the lines become vague and unclear, it becomes even more important to be able to carve out ample time and attention for each role to be able to deliver what is required of us.

Today, it is both much easier and more difficult to be a dad. But being a father is one of the most precious gifts we can experience and treasure. To my fellow dads, I raise an ice-cold beer to all of you; you guys are true rock stars.