Lessons from the “Zoom Room”. What Covid has taught me about online dispute resolution, facilitation, and mediation.

Please share your experiences with me!

?If you live in Sydney in July 2021 or have been in Melbourne at any time in the 12 months before that, you know about navigating “another lockdown” and trying to achieve “business as usual” without face-to-face meetings.?Like many, when the last lockdown was announced, I found myself bemoaning “more darn Zoom meetings”.?I recall saying to colleagues three times in one day “I am so sick of video conferencing”.?Fortunately, I allowed myself a moment of reflection to remember that it was only because of technology that I was able to maintain my mediation and facilitation work at all for most of 2020.?My crocodile tears, I reflected, were a bit childish.?To be sure, I prefer the engagement of meeting “in person”.?I wondered if my preference is shared.?Then I reflected that instead of complaining it might be more productive to discuss what I have learned since March 2020 when I (like you) was forced to embrace online conversations as “the norm”.?

For 15 months virtual meetings have dominated my work time.?Video conferencing is not an adjunct to business, it IS my business.?

I would like to share my reflections and invite a conversation.?Are my experiences common??Is there more I could learn??What are you doing to make the most of online meetings and conversations??From “Zoom drinks” to highly emotional conflict we have done it all online now.?So, what have we learned??Are there any tips that make the online environment more productive and less tiring?

Rather than bemoan the things I miss or fully embrace the wonders of the online world I want to acknowledge that there is good and bad offered by virtual meetings and much we can learn. I can only learn if I stop complaining and find my best reflective self.

When I talk of Zoom in these reflections the trade name is used as a shorthand for any online video conferencing platform. I have used most, Teams, Webex, Modron, and many others.?I do not wish to comment on what is the best platform. I might do that another time.

The Practical

Mediating from the comfort of my home office (sometimes even my loungeroom) without travel, avoiding crowded trains and unholy masses has many attractions. I have found the coffee at my neighbourhood coffee shop equally satisfying with the beverage created by a beautiful black “t-shirted” barista in my trendy city haunts.

There is an ease in creating the invitation to mediation.?No calling multiple venues to source suitable rooms, no arguments about whether one person’s office is neutral or suitable.?Just find out who is coming, their email addresses and in a few keystrokes the meeting is set, and invitations sent.?

When you sign on to the meetings you usually do not have to wear a tie!

Only when the meeting begins do you experience the trials of video conferencing.?Here are a few of my experiences:

·??????A participant who insisted he conduct the mediation using his mobile phone as he wandered around a shopping centre with a mask on.

·??????A participant who conducted the mediation reclining on his couch holding his tablet above his head.

·??????Two parties “arriving” in the main meditation room at the same time, who began fighting before I could say “please keep your microphones muted until it is your time to speak”.

·??????Cats (mine and theirs), dogs, babies, and housemates in their night clothes wandering in and out of view.

·??????My cat crying through a 5pm meeting sounding like she had not been fed for days.

·??????Multiple people in one room with one microphone, talking over each other and me.

·??????Unclear sound, vision, dropouts frozen screens and “connection problems”.

·??????Participants sitting so far from their camera that I could not tell “who was who”.

·??????Wondering how I could manufacture a break for much-needed comfort or coffee break.

·??????Standing up and realising that that others in the meeting could see, even though I was in coat and tie above the desk, below it was shorts and thongs.

·??????The doorbell ringing when the grocery delivery arrived early.

None of these “mini-crises” was the end of the world.?Meeting pets and kids, enjoying the art on the walls of my clients homes or spying the books in their bookcases (not the strategically placed copies of what they want me to see) can lead to interesting and fun small talk, a chance to know some more about our colleagues and clients.?Technical glitches give me the chance to be of real assistance, so long as I am in fact an expert about how to create an environment or manage the software to enhance rather than damage lines of communication.

On the other hand, I am certain that those people who were hard to hear, or see, did not realise that their message was not delivered, or worse, when the “other side” were confused about what they said assumed that what was said was consistent with what they already think about, that the others are shifty, stupid or mean[1] .

By the way Zoom has a function by which you can give yourself a beard or lip-gloss. Just remember to turn it off if you want to leave a good impression (see Studio Effects under Backgrounds and Filters).

Tips

• Be the expert.?Understand the technology and what it has to offer.
• Good humour and patience are assets when everyone relies on fragile technology to be “heard and seen”. ?People in conflict are already stressed and an unexpected drop out can provoke interesting reactions.
• Be prepared for glitches, ensure you have a phone and even a backup computer ready if your first line fails. Have multiple lines of communication, telephone text or Whats app in case one method fails.
• In pre-meeting planning offer advice to participants about how to best engage in the online world and what glitches they might expect.
• If you are facilitating, set up the video platform so you are the “host” giving you the control on who enters the room and when, and in some platforms the ability to mute unruly participants.?(I have never used that power, but it is comforting to know it is there when people lose control)
• “Arrive" early, set up breakout rooms. Check your own sound and vision (and if you have any you can check your hair!).
• Make sure your “Zoom Room” has enough light in the right place, is quiet and free of distractions.?A good quality camera and microphone is a must.?I use Bluetooth headphones with an attached.?I also have a relatively inexpensive camera that mounts on to my main monitor. If I rely on the camera on my laptop computer, I find I am not facing the camera, rather looking off into the distance which is very distracting.
• Have at least two screens so that you can look at documents that are relevant without disturbing the meeting.
• If the meeting is contentious, when people arrive place them immediately in breakout rooms so that they can get settled and you can explain how things work.
• ü?Ensure that you close all unneeded web browsers (they gobble up bandwidth which you need to get clear vision and avoid frozen screens) and your email program which is a distraction that you do not need when you are trying to focus.
• Be realistic about the limitations of online meetings and demonstrate patience and humour when things do go wrong.
• Have a backup plan if everything crashes.
• Wear pants and feed the cat!

The People

Only movies stars and TV presenters “like” talking to a camera.?I know for me that the very thought of seeing myself “on screen” is frightening.?This explains that people hide by staying distant from the camera or the microphone.?My observation is that for some it is easier to hide than be seen on screen.

Given some of the examples I offer above (like wandering the shopping centre while in the meeting) I also think that some consciously or unconsciously diminish the importance of the process or conversation. ?A video meeting, for some, is not so much as an event as is physically getting together!

I have also read that some find video conferencing is less interesting or effective because you need to be in the same room to get the feel or the “vibe”.?What people are really experiencing is a deficit of information.?Experts suggest that between 70% and 90% of the meaning we take from a conversation comes from sources other than the words that we hear[2] .?Experts also suggest that we are not even conscious that we are noticing nonverbal cues. ?Again, when they don’t have the information people “fill in the gaps” without evidence.?

It is little wonder then, given the chance to avoid offering “information”, and that some don’t take the conversation seriously that misunderstandings are rife, and participants are less “satisfied” with a video meeting than one that takes place face to face.

Good facilitators are also aware that everyone communicates differently, some talk quickly, some slowly, some speak loudly, some whisper, there are people who use too many words as well as some of us who use too many. These are just a few of the human communication differences that are navigated every day.?It is so much harder to understand and accept those differences online.?Take one example.?Some seem to think that it is OK to interrupt and talk over others.?Hard enough to deal with face to face with the best ground rules, impossible online when an interruption results in other participants not hearing either the voice of the interrupted or the interrupter. Interruptions are not always rude, sometimes that is the way conversations go. My observation is that interruption benefits the interrupter more than the interrupted, and that risk is amplified in a video conference.?

On the other hand, people who are clear and careful communicators deliver a powerful message online, so long as they do so in short burst,s given my next observation which is that that patience is in indirect proportion to ease of understanding. Put more simply people just give up if understanding is too hard for whatever reason and online there are many reasons why understanding is sometimes hard work.

No wonder that the usual direction for people is to use the mute button if not talking!

On the positive side, the use of chat functions, sharing screens and use of breakout rooms offer participants plenty of media to communicate in non-traditional roles.?Sending a text when sitting in a meeting is rude, doing so in a video conference is seen as a benefit.?

People are also more, or less, distracted depending on the communication medium.?Once again, we are all different.

Tips

• Preparation is even more important for online meetings.?Prepare yourself and the other participants for the technical challenges, and more importantly the communication difficulties.?There are more tips later in this article.
• If you have the power mandate what technology they use, the use of the mute button, ask participants to close all browsers.
• Remind everyone that in video meetings it is vital that people do not interrupt each other, and that one person speaks at a time.
• If you are able, have a preliminary chat with the participants to gauge their skills and experience in the video world.?Help them to be their best at the meeting, recognising that everyone has a different comfort level when it comes to speaking to a camera.
• In the meeting demonstrate good behaviour, speak slowly and clearly and if don’t interrupt.
• Remember to include all those who want or are likely to contribute.?The shy and introverted usually have great ideas, make sure that they have the space and “bandwidth” to share their thoughts. The most vocal are usually not the ones with the most brilliant ideas.

?Planning and Process

The development of video conferencing platforms has been exponential during the pandemic, offering so many features that can make meetings better, from an ability to “fake” a background image to putting on fake lipstick.?I love to attend meetings from under the faux warmth of a tropical palm tree!

There are functions that allow control of the speaker, allow messages or chat during a meeting, to share screens so participants can review documents images or plans together in real time and to invite and exclude participants to meetings.?If you want to be a video star, know the functions, and use them.

Mediators and educators particularly like to use the “breakout room” function where participants can be broken into groups to have confidential conversations or to brainstorm ideas.?Remember though that Zoom breakout rooms do not have doors to knock on when you want to enter!

Another thing that I have noticed is that when in joint session participants seem to be reluctant to call a break, even if they need blood sugar or a bathroom break.

I also sometimes fear that someone does not know how to join the meeting or is having technical issues.?Waiting for someone to join a Zoom meeting, for me, seems to take longer and be more uncomfortable than the time sitting in the waiting room waiting for one of the team who missed the bus to arrive at the meeting.

I do love being able to send an invitation with all the details of the meeting.?You can and should customise that invitation to suit the participants.?There is no excuse for not knowing about a meeting when the invitation drops straight into the diary and prompts you to respond or RSVP.

Tips

• Know your technology and, rather than get frustrated by the lack of skill of others, support them to use the technology for the best effect.
• Communicate early and often about how the meeting is to be set up.
• When sending an invitation give people an option to communicate with you if their technology fails.?I usually offer a mobile phone number and try to find the mobile of each participant so if something goes wrong, we can try to remedy.
• Make sure that there are clear ground rules for the meeting.?Here are some ideas, anticipated above.

o??One person speaks at a time.

o??Mute when not talking.

o??Communicate times for breaks and/or the length of the meeting.?The magic rule of meetings is that the discussion will conclude, or decisions be made in the time allocated.?The corollary is that if no time limit is set it will take all day to have the meeting and even then, not decision will be made.

o??Know how to use the chat function to deliver messages, ideas, or requests.?You can send a private or a broadcast message on most platforms.?Show others how this works.

o??Speak with respect.?Even if you disagree you do not need to be disagreeable.

o??What people should do if they have technical issues or dropouts.

o??Make sure that everyone knows the purpose of the meeting (I know, this is just as important when meetings are “in person” but it is worth remembering)

o??Remind everyone of the rules of confidentiality etc. if they are relevant or appropriate.

o??Know who will (and will not) be attending (people hate surprises in meetings!)

• If you are the facilitator or host, make sure you have settings that allow only you to admit people to the meeting.
• If there is high emotion, have breakout rooms ready so that you can place participants in a breakout room straight away before the arguments commences.?After all you would not think of allowing warring parties (think Hilary and Donald) to sit in the foyer together waiting for the debate to begin!
• Make clear rules and timeframes for breakout sessions.?Let people know what will happen when the private meeting is over.
• Make it clear who is facilitating and why, what is their role and how it will be exercised. There is a reason why a good chairperson makes for a good meeting.
• When planning the meeting show people how to test their sound and video before the meeting begins.
• Prepare the meeting to share important documents and images on the screen, better still send copies to everyone before the meeting as well as using the “share screen” function to see images and documents.

[1] This is a normal human bias known as “confirmation bias”.

[2] Wikipedia offers countless references (rely on the sources not the commentary) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nonverbal_communication