Lessons From the White/Gold Blue/Black Dress Controversy
Is the dress in the image above white and gold or black and blue? It turns out different people see it differently. Who is right and who is wrong? Can they both be right? Is it a matter of perspective?
This example is important to remember when communicating with anyone, including during negotiations or as a leader influencing another person or a group. There are always three conversations. What the speaker or writer says, what the listener or reader hears or reads, and the intended message. In good communication all three are aligned. But, if any one of the three is not aligned then miscommunication occurs.
Many conflicts are based in miscommunication. An inflection, the use of the wrong word, or being unclear in direction or expectation can cause misunderstanding of the intended message. How many times have you heard, or uttered, the phrase; “That’s not what I meant.”
Every communication is coloured by the experiences and emotions of both the speaker and the audience. Their perception of the conversation is their reality. Therefore, it is important to make every attempt to have clear communication. This is particularly true when attempting to influence another, be it during a sales presentation, a negotiation, a shareholders meeting, a job interview, etc.
The intention of the message is based on the desired result. This is sometimes given short shift by the person sending the message. In both negotiation and influencing, careful thought should be given to the intention of the message. Said differently, what is the desired result or outcome from the message? If there isn’t a defined goal to the message, then was there really any little point in the message itself?
Without meaning to over simplify things, there are a few broad categories all messages fall into. The message informs (good news, bad news or neutral), makes a request or provides direction.
The more clear the desired goal of the message, the better the communication. And in negotiation, the more clear the position, request or counter.
The speaker or writer should mentally start with the specific goal of the message in mind and craft their words carefully. Many great orators know this. On May 25, 1961 John F. Kennedy said; "This nation should commit itself to achieving the goal, before the decade is out, of landing a man on the moon and returning him safely to the earth." That was very clear. There was direction, a time frame and an end game of not only putting man on the moon, but having him return safely.
Notice too, that although he was addressing knowledgeable women and men of Congress the words were plain and simple. It was easy to understand the message. British Prime Minister Tony Blair was known for his simple sound bites such as “tough on crime, tough on the causes of crime”.
To reduce the possibility of misunderstanding, use simple, plain words when speaking and writing. Also think in terms of simple sound bites. Keep sentences short and the entire message captured in a few clear words.
The listener also has a responsibility to really listen. I dislike the phrase “active listening” so I use this one. The listener needs to listen or read for the intent of the message and attempt not to colour the message with their own perceptions. The listener also needs to confirm the message and clear any misunderstanding that happens by asking direct questions and paraphrasing. It is important that the person receiving the message truly understands the intent to avoid misunderstanding, particularly in negotiating. A failure to understand can lead to a breakdown in the negotiation, bad feelings and ill will.
We point out that poor communication during the negotiation and during the drafting of the lease can lead to what we term as Trap Door (TM) clauses in our course on advanced lease negotiation skills. These are clauses that can have more than one meaning depending on the perspective of the reader and their personal interpretation of the wording. The result of these clauses can be increased management; increased administrative and legal costs; loss of income and value for the landlord or increased costs to the tenant; and poor landlord/ tenant relations. We show those who take our courses why this occurs and how to guard against it happening.
Peter D. Morris is the lead consultant and trainer for Greenstead Consulting Group a firm that specializes in training those involved in the commercial real estate and service industries. To learn more go to www.greensteadcg.com
If you liked this post, please follow Peter D. Morris on LinkedIn