Lessons from Summer Camp : Let Go of Expectations

I dropped my kids off at summer camp yesterday! Two weeks where I don't have to be a chauffeur, chef, or really be responsible for anyone besides myself. Usually, Bill and I take the opportunity to take a long weekend trip while the kids are gone. But not this year. We will be at home, relishing the glory of staying in place.

?The only big thing on my “to-do list” is to redecorate my daughter's room. Her 12th birthday is at the end of the month and all she wants is a bedroom redo. In her mind this redo means a new bedspread (it's time to retire the pink poodles), a desk in her room, and moving her furniture around. In my mind, it's the opportunity to spend hours on Pinterest, a trip to IKEA, and getting the details of a boho, preppy, animal/beach-lover vibe just right.?

As I imagined posting pictures of the completed project to my Instagram account, I wondered…who am I redecorating this room for? It isn't me, and it definitely isn't Quinn. My redecorating plans were driven by what others would think, the expectations of what a Pinterest/Instagram-worthy tween room?should?look like.?

I'd fallen into the trap of letting other people's expectations, or my idea of their expectations (because, let's face it, no one really cares) drive my decision-making. It's a place I've been before—where I put others' needs above my (or Quinn's) own. It's a place I've worked hard to move away from. And where it seems, I need a bit of a refresher.

As a result of my backslide, I am pleased to share with you—and refresh my own memory—tips and tricks that will help you let go of expectations so that you can embrace your authentic voice.?

Tips & Tricks: Let Go of Unrealistic Expectations to Embrace Your Authenticity

We live in a world where “fitting in” and “people pleasing” are valued, outward appearances are celebrated (hello social media), and it can be hard to bring your authentic self to a situation. As Brené Brown says in?The Gifts of Imperfection, “Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It's about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choice to let our true selves be seen.”

When we let unrealistic expectations, whether the expectations of others or our own, influence our decisions and actions, at best we end up out of alignment with our authenticity, at worst we make self-limiting decisions.?

If you find yourself trying to keep up with the “Joneses", chasing a dream that isn't yours, suppressing what you want to say because you don't want to upset people or want to fit in, feeling frustrated or unmotivated by your choices, you might be influenced by unrealistic expectations.?

Letting go of expectations can be challenging, but it is a powerful way to reduce stress, increase happiness, and improve your overall well-being.

Know Your Values.

The key to knowing if something is important to you is to know your values. Values serve as your internal compass and guide you when you are making choices. When faced with a difficult choice, pause, reflect, and determine if the choice you are making is in alignment with your values.?

Identify Your Expectations.

Take some time to reflect on the expectations you have for yourself and others. Write them down if it helps. Ask yourself if they are realistic or if they are based on assumptions or societal pressures. Ask yourself if you hold others to the same expectations you hold yourself to. Becoming aware of your expectations is the first step toward releasing them.

Say Good-Bye to the Joneses.

We've all heard idiom about keeping up with the Joneses. But did you know that it originated from a comic strip in 1913 entitled Keeping Up with the Joneses? Envy and the need to fit in, drive our desire to keep up with the so-called Joneses. So we have more things, more money, to do more of the stuff that we want to do, so we are happier. The truth is you'll never get to the Joneses, because the Joneses are chasing somebody else. And the fact is they just don't care. So let yourself off the hook and say good-bye to the Joneses.

Reframe your “Shoulds."

Should—it's the most dangerous word in the English language. “Should” is where hollow intentions are born, regret festers, and dreams die. When you find your self thinking “I should do this” reframe your thoughts to “I get to do this.” If you aren't excited by getting to do this something, reflect on why you are doing it and what/who is driving the expectation.

It's About the Journey.?

Expectations are driven by outcomes. And when we are working towards an unrealistic expectation, there is a high likelihood that you will not achieve the outcome you are looking for. If it's all about the outcome, this will suck. By thinking about what you learned and the impact you had, rather than just the outcome, you can find value in all of your endeavors.?

Be Realistic.?

If you've stuck with me this long, 1) thank you, and 2) please don't get me wrong we need expectations and we can most definitely strive to do our best. The challenge is when the expectation is UNREALISTIC and cause us to make unnatural choices or to get stuck. Ensure that your goals are achievable and aligned with your abilities, resources, and what you want. Unrealistic expectations can lead to frustration and disappointment.

Be Flexible.

Embrace flexibility and adaptability. Life can take unexpected turns, and rigid expectations can lead to disappointment. By staying flexible, you'll be better equipped to handle change and uncertainty.

Cut Yourself Some Slack.?

This is a tough one because we are often harder on ourselves than we'd ever be to another person. If you hear yourself being harsh, cut yourself some slack. Cultivate an attitude of gratitude for what you have and what you have accomplished. This shifts your focus away from what you lack and helps you appreciate the present moment. Embrace flexibility and adaptability. Life can take unexpected turns, and rigid expectations can lead to disappointment. By staying flexible, you'll be better equipped to handle change and uncertainty.