Lessons From the Stage: 5 Things Keynote Speaking Taught Me the Hard Way

How many domino moments have you had in your career?

A domino moment is something that starts with a seemingly insignificant happening but in the rear view mirror becomes the starting point for an exponential amount of opportunity (and awesomeness).

I’ve been fortunate enough to stumble into several domino moments in my career but the two that happened in my early 20s were probably the most significant.

My first business domino moment happened in college when my Mom shamed me into searching for an internship my junior year (“Son, you're more than halfway through college, don’t you think you should get an internship at this point?”). I had been enjoying college a bit too much up until that point and my Mom calling me out finally spurred me into action.

I replied to the first internship listing I saw on the University of Texas Communications message board and showed up in a full suit to interview with Marika Flatt for an unpaid internship at a local publicity firm. That internship would lead to some of my most cherished friendships and, after getting invited to come back and intern again my senior year, ultimately led to a job offer that allowed my wife Paige (high school sweethearts) and I to get married at 22.

Thanks, Mom!

The second domino moment happened a year after we got married when I was 23 and working in business development at that same publicity firm. I was in the middle of a normal workday when an email hit my inbox from another member of our team, Steven Morse. Steven had been pitching a health journal in the Boston area and the physician editor on the other end of the line on that particular phone pitch said she was putting on a CME (continuing medical education) conference on publishing for Harvard Medical School and needed a good book publicist to give the PR talk. She had worked with us a few times and knew we were good and asked if anyone at the firm would be a good fit. After getting her contact info, Steven sent an email around the office asking if anyone wanted to reach out to her about speaking at the event.

Without thinking about the implications or work it would involve, I replied all and said "I'll do it" and then picked up the phone and called Dr. Silver. I told her I would be happy to fly to Boston to give the speech and could bring some fresh ideas to the table. Knowing it would be an issue when I arrived, I also let her know that I was young but knew my stuff and would deliver a great talk.

At the time I was 23, but I looked like I was 14 years old, and?I was praying she didn’t ask me my age because I knew it might tank the opportunity. Thankfully, she didn’t and we had a great conversation?that led to me heading to?Boston as a?faculty member at the course in 2005.

A few months later I walked in the banquet room at the Fairmont Copley and, after getting my name tag from the registration table, I walked up to Dr. Silver to introduce myself. She turned from the person she was speaking with and I said “Hi, I’m Rusty Shelton – it’s great to meet you.” She looked like she had seen a ghost – “Wow! You are WAYYYY younger than I expected.”?I know she was beyond nervous when I hit the stage the next day for my speech. It went well and I would go on to speak at that event annually for the next 15 years. Looking back, Steven's email was a domino early in my career that unlocked a passion for me that I never quite expected but is now my favorite way to teach – speaking.

18 years and hundreds of speeches later, I have learned many, many lessons the hard way on stage and wanted to share the five biggest in this week's newsletter:

1. Win the first 2 minutes & resist the urge to try to win over that 'guy' in the audience

Speeches are won or lost in the first two minutes on stage. If you win the opening, you have the audience’s attention for the remainder of your time on stage. If you lose, no matter how good the rest of your speech is, it's exceedingly hard to win them back.

And although I want you to win the first two minutes, I don't want you to get distracted by the urge to win over that one guy or gal in the audience that is not feeling it. I learned this lesson the hard way early in my career and it took me a while to get over this urge.

When you speak to audiences that are big enough, you will always have at least one person who is either A) sleeping B) nonverbally sparring with you (frowns, laughs, grimaces) or C) just fully checked out.

Early in my career I would focus a ton of my energy on trying to win this person back vs. giving value to the other 99.5% of the room that is fully feeling the speech. When you do this, you distract yourself from what your focus should be - giving value to the whole audience - so resist the urge to gravitate your eyes toward that individual and give your full energy to the audience that is loving it (and soak up their energy along the way).

Solution: Open every speech with an attention grabber that you can deliver in your sleep. The ideal opening is either A) an emotionally powerful or funny narrative or B) a counter-intuitive or surprising stat or situational analysis.

2. Never call attention to a mistake on stage

This is a mistake I made quite a bit early in my career. If my slide deck wasn’t working, I happened to insert an incorrect hashtag in a slide or I had a hoarse voice, I’d feel compelled to mention it as a nod to what I projected as the audience’s awareness of it.

Amateur hour.

Your job as a keynote speaker is to deliver awesome content that creates value for the audience and any mistake that a speaker calls attention to (no matter how much it may be bothering that speaker) diverts the audience’s attention to that issue instead of their content.

As I mentioned, I made this mistake often early in my career and I see so many speakers do it. Here are a few things I’ve heard speakers say recently:

• “Sorry, I’m a bit nervous this morning” (Ummm...now we're all anxious for you and watching for any sign of nerves)
• “I have to apologize – since the speaker in front of me went long I’m going to have to rush my speech” (Wow, I had no idea you were rushing your speech or the event was off-track until you told me - why didn't the event organizer plan better?)
• “That’s quite a cough there on the front row – you need some water?” (I hadn't even noticed her coughing but now it's all I can hear!)
• “Wow, this feels like an interrogation. That spotlight is right in my eyes – can someone turn that thing down?” (Geez dude - could you have powered through so we don't throw off the momentum here?)
• “We tested the AV just this morning – not sure what happened to the slide deck! So frustrating.” (A-W-K-W-A-R-D energy all around)
• “Wow, is anyone else hot in here?” (I wasn't but now that you mentioned it, actually yes, let me head outside for some coffee)

Solution: Each of the issues above are your problem as the speaker – not the audience’s and in most cases they will never know there was an issue unless you call attention to it. When you do that, you essentially ask them to focus on that issue instead of your content and when that happens everyone loses. Power through at all times with confidence and grit.

3. Watch-back every speech on video

Sitting down to watch and listen to yourself speak sounds a bit egotistical right?

I certainly thought so early in my career and went out of my way to deliver what I thought was great content and then move on to the next talk.

The first speech of mine that I saw on camera was a talk to the Writers League of Texas when I was about 25. It was a monthly education event and the local access TV station here in Austin decided to come out and film it.

My big break!

I gave what I thought was a great speech and two weeks later my wife Paige and I sat down on the couch to watch it on a Wednesday night at 9 PM. I’ll never forget the embarrassment I felt as I spent 45 minutes with my hand over my mouth completely horrified at what I was watching (Paige was LOL'ing and still loves to rib me about it).

On stage during the speech I was doing something subconsciously – for some reason every time I would make a point I would press down my right hand – fingers fully outstretched – like I was hitting piano keys. I looked like the piano man up there – I must have done it 100 times during a 45-minute speech and I’m sure the audience was losing their minds wondering what the hell I was doing.

I wasn’t consciously doing it but that tick caused the audience to be totally distracted from my message (and probably a bit amused).

Solution: Videotape every speech you can (even if just an iPhone video – these aren’t for distribution) and watch them back to look for A) non-verbal ticks like my Billy Joel impersonation or B) words you’re saying too much (“right?”).

4. It’s OK to be nervous but remember – nothing trumps nerves like preparation

I have never been more nervous in my professional life than right before I hit the stage for that first speech at Harvard. I couldn’t sleep the night before. I was pacing most of the morning. And my hands were shaking a bit from the nerves when she finally said “help me welcome Rusty to the stage” (I’ve never been more thankful for a lavalier microphone because if I had had to hold the mic during that speech it would have been?shaking like crazy.)

I’m sure you can think back to your first big opportunity for public speaking and perhaps you were in a similar state.

Thankfully, I had been preparing like a madman for the two months leading up to the talk, including closing the door to my office and giving the speech to the wall every afternoon for a month leading up to the conference.

As a result, my preparation was able to trump my nerves and I powered through and gave a speech that would change the trajectory of my whole career.

Solution: If you have a big speech coming up (perhaps it is a larger audience than normal or a major potential client), over-prepare (speech after speech after speech to friends/family/the wall in your office) to position yourself for success.

5. Relentlessly focus on audience value

Speaking isn’t about you – it’s about making an impact on the audience you’re speaking to. The more confident you are; the more attention they pay. The more personalized your examples, narratives and statistics are; the more value they get. The more humble and vulnerable you are with your narratives; the more willing the audience is to let down their guard, listen to your insight and put your suggestions into practice in their lives.

Solution: Although there are a thousand things that go into being a great speaker, when you relentlessly focus on audience value, everything else tends to fall into place.

I’d be curious to ask the speakers who read this – what additional lessons have you learned?