Lessons from My Father

My father, Loh Chow Khuan passed away in May 2020 having lived a full and contented 88 years on this earth. It was a trying time for his children overseas, being at the height of the Covid-19 pandemic and not able to travel back to Malaysia for the funeral because of the quarantine.

My father was a traditional and conservative Chinese man. Two-way communication was sparse when I was young. A comfortable life and good education were the proxies for his love. Far from perfect, he had his idiosyncrasies but he was the kindest and most generous father to his children.

On Father's Day today, I reflect on his life and 5 lessons that have shaped my values:

Frugality

When I was younger, I never understood why he didn't buy a bigger house or indulge in the many trappings of life although he could afford to. I guess he was from a generation brought up during tough times, growing up during World War 2 in a large family. He was contented and happy to live a simple life.

Never imposing

Uncharacteristically as an Asian parent, he was never imposing on his children especially when we were adults. He was conscious of not being a burden to us, nor was there any expectation to work in the family business or even visiting him. Perhaps this was his way of being independent and paying it forward to the next generation to live their own lives.

Generosity

To the outsider, he could come across as aloof or selfish. But he preferred a private and quiet family life. He was strict but generous with his children. When I called from Australia to inform him that I was thinking of giving up university, he told me to stay back and "finish that damn degree" no matter how long it takes. I am glad I did! Early in my career, he gave me seed money without any expectation for my business ventures even though I was an unproven young upstart. His generosity to his children was unconditional.

Optimistic

He approached life with a positive and pragmatic mindset, sometimes blissfully unaware and carefree about the imperfections of life. Or perhaps he willed it that way. Time and time again, he bounced back from setbacks quickly. I saw this when both my mother and subsequently stepmother suffered and passed away from cancer. My hypothesis on why he had lived to a ripe old age without any major ailments, is because of this attitude.

Integrity

In the '70s, he worked for the Public Works Department as the District Officer (DO) of Kerian, Perak. In those days, a DO wields substantial power and influence as a senior executive of the district. Thus, many contractors would attempt to curry favour with financial incentives and gifts for lucrative contracts but his response was always a firm no! I saw this not only from the stories he told but through his actions throughout his life.

Happy Father's Day and thank you papa, for all you have done for us.