Lessons from my 30 something years

I may be veering more towards the 40s than the 30s now but I just thought the title seemed more interesting this way!

I have been reading up a lot for several years, for some years now have been reading and studying in a more focused way on life and the 'near art of living', for thats what it seems to be, how one navigates through life is such a big one. One's internal architecture, psychology, metaphysics, sprituality if you may, all of these weave together to determine how you feel about yourself and life in general.

Its a long and broad topic. This topic of life and living.

I would like to share two themes, which in my 30 something years I am realizing to be critical.

As an individual, I think there is no substitute for two things in life:

1. Life Experience
2. Courage

Life experience is not commiserate with the number of years you have lived. Actually, not at all. It is about, how many experiences you have had in the years you have lived (I am not talking about the bungee jumping, skydiving types here, though they have their value ofcourse, trouble is looking at only those as experiences worth having). I am talking about life in its rawness, in its unbridled doling out of whacks, rough patches, hard decisions, risky paths, unexpected joys, serndipity and also the Ruskin Bond variety of nothing extreme, just pure gentle life. Do you get a flavour of what I mean by life experience?

For me life experience is also dealing with and experiencing those dark near-suffocating emotions, its also meeting people so different from me and hearing their life stories, its also new places, its also taking decisions which throw you in the unknown - an unknow physical space, a new area of work, a new way of being et al. Its about all that you have been through - pleasant and unpleasant, willingly or unwillingly and made some sense of, by either connecting dots or pure immersion in the experience of it or both.

Its not just about reframing each experience as something wonderful, its not escaping from the uneasiness of being, neither is it not looking at not so pleasant aspects of one's own self. (This for me being the biggest whack) - Coming face to face with aspects of yourself, you wish you could wish away. Sigh, life just doesn't work that way. The funny bit is, that as long as you wish anything away it stays, the moment you truly accept it, it leaves. Lesson? Please draw your own meaning.

All in all, in my entrepreneurial journey, in my professional journey as being a part of the helping profession, nothing comes more handy than my life experience and the hours I have spent sitting with it. I also see the stark impact of life experience (or lack/less of it) in the many many people I meet - how it manifests, how it helps to grasp the context, to perhaps be more sensitive, more responsive, infact let me say this unabashed, how it impacts effectiveness. I do not know the answer to this. I do not know what you should or should not do. I only write to share part of my learning.

The second non substitutable resource in self is courage.

Now we can always contest this, saying, this that or the other should come here. Of course! Maybe from your perspective, but remember I am choosing to write from my learning just now, not claiming it to be a universal truth. (though how some people claim stuff coming purely from their life experience and no research as the universal truth still baffles me).

I find courage to be a prelude to many things and substitutable by none.

To me courage does not being not being scared, infact, quite the contrary. Courage, to me means being able to move forward despite being scared and to be able to acknowledge the fear and not shy away from it! The years have taught me, (often in very painful ways) that courage is NOT the absence of fear. Absence of fear is simply that - absence; a disconnect from fear. It piles up is some hidden dump in your body, only to manifest later in somatic or emotional forms. The ability to feel fear is a kind of courage too.. (quite a mind twist this one, no).

When I think back on life, about my own exeperiences and experiences of so many others I have heard, I see, they are who they are today so much because of the fact that they showed up or that they had the courage to take a particular decision or that they made a tough choice. Choosing safety or comfort rarely leads to a drastic stretch. Again, that is okay too. I am just the kind of person who values growth. In fact both the facets, life experience and courage are also intertwined at some level, one leads to the other, I think.

Courage, is what one needs, to follow the proverbial road less travelled, to open unknown doors, not knowing it has a dragon or a treasure or both behind it! It is what one needs to look beyond the way reality is handed over. Courage is not always loud and rebellious, so often its also so quiet and unobstrusive. What does courage mean to you?

These are my two lessons. From your life, what are yours?

/ Neha

25th September 2018