Lessons from Loving my Mom’s (honestly not the best) Christmas Sugar Cookies

I don’t specifically remember how we got there, but in one of our recent team meetings I found myself retelling the story of us (myself, my wife, and brother) endeavoring to “fix” my Mom’s beloved, yet subjectively less than great Christmas Sugar Cookie recipe a few years ago. While there is certainly a “No matter where you go…there you are” takeaway from the story, the more I thought about it the more useful reminders I found and maybe you will too – so without further ado…

Cookies Past 

Every year for as long as I can remember, often soon, if not right after Thanksgiving festivities, my Mother would begin putting together the first of what would be several batches of her Christmas Sugar Cookie dough to cool and rest for a few days. This was often after a few weeks of run-up, having incrementally acquired all of the ingredients as we could afford them throughout the year, especially any of the decorative sugar sprinkles as they went on sale. One by one, they were put on a pantry shelf together – ready for the magic to happen.

On the cookie day, the overwhelming majority of the dough would make it to becoming the eagerly anticipated cookies, but the Angel’s Share would still reliably be taken in the process, because who doesn’t like raw cookie dough? The rolling, cutting, and decoration was always fun because it was that awesome combination of wonderful things: sugar, creativity, and family. Creativity got expressed in large part via decoration, only enhanced by the fact that because our decorative sugar was always something bought on clearance or markdown or sale of some kind, you were just as likely to have a blue or pink as a red or a green at hand.

The vaguely identifiable holiday-shaped cookies smelled amazing in the oven, because you know, cookies. They looked great coming out to cool too, sure, several had what you might call a cocoa-butter tan, some would be straight up-burnt, but that’s the way of it, there were always going to be some casualties.

Then, after what of course seemed like an eternity, it was tasting time!

You’d pick out your favorite, and with a cold glass of milk at the ready you’d take that first bite, the buttery, slightly nutty sugar cookie aroma filling your mouth and nose, that crunch and immediate hit of sweetness from the decorative sugar, and then…and then…

…the cookie bites…that bit too hard…making you immediately worry about any dental work you might have recently had done, just for that moment anyway. If it was one that was a bit burned more than it looked, the bitterness of the burnt bits would now introduce themselves, immediately followed by what could be best described as an extremely dry, almost savory, sand-like texture.

As you grabbed the milk for assistance, this was the time to quickly switch to your delighted expression while stifling coughs, nodding approval and quickly offering to help get the cookies bagged up for sharing with family and friends! And shared they were! If you were even just a polite acquaintance of the family, chances were that you would find in your hands a bag (often a reused bread bag) of a dozen or so in time for Christmas. And so it was, for over twenty years or more.

The Project

As the years went by, a lot changed, as they do for most of us. My mother’s life (and all of our lives) became profoundly impacted by Fronto-Temporal Degeneration (FTD). After a couple of missed, cookie-less years, my wife, brother and I decided to pick up the baton and started making “the” cookies. Initially we had Mom directly involved as much as we could, but circumstance saw her literal involvement wane over time. The cookies however, prevailed! We would hand both a cookie and bag to my Mom to in turn give to a family member or friend and usually while simultaneously munching on the cookie, she would graciously and proudly deliver the gift, noting that she had worked very hard on this time-tested, family recipe.

Photo: Mom making a cookie delivery!

It was during this time, that one year my wife mentioned that it was time to start getting the cookie ingredients together and I almost impulsively asked if we wanted to make as much this year, and my brother quickly agreed that maybe a “small batch” was a better idea…to which my wife rightly asked, “Why?”

Wouldn’t you know it, to this day I am absolutely not sure who actually said it, whose mouth the words actually came out of, but something, said nervously, to the effect of “well, it’s just, that they’re not really…good. Good?” spilled out.

There it was. The stinging, heretical, yet freeing truth.

My Mom’s beloved, legendary cookies were subjectively, not great. This was almost immediately followed with the long-simmering criticism that was quickly vented: “They’re chalky, scarily hard, not sweet enough, often burnt beyond recognition, the list goes on…”

Following the consensus around what was not great about my Mom’s cookies, I noted my interest in trying to figure out why they were the way they were and potentially “fix” or update the recipe if possible. We were soon off and running, first looking through family recipes to see if we could verify or reconcile the “tradition” lore, locate “the source.” This proved inconclusive as we found several different sugar cookie recipes, but none significantly matched the amounts or ratios of ingredients, but this proved to be the most useful insight as many cookie (baking) attributes are extremely dependent on ratios and ingredient types. You like a chewy cookie? Cool – use less sugar, and brown instead of white sugar…you get the idea.

After much iteration, test batches, failures then successes, we found it! An incredible sugar cookie just like we imagined Mom’s to be, that still worked with the decorations and was repeatable. This quickly became “the” cookie of choice for a couple of years, Mom took seemingly just as much pride in (and quickly ate more of) this cookie…and then year before last, perhaps predictably, “it” happened. My brother asked, if, maybe, we make a batch of the classic cookies in addition to the new recipe ones. “I don’t know, I just miss them, there’s just something about them” he said. We all nodded almost in unison and did just that, making a batch of both the traditional and the updated recipe, with predictable results - they all were quickly enjoyed by all.

Present Day + Reminders

This year, like many I imagine, saw us looking for comfort in tradition, in stability, and that meant that all of this year’s cookies were of the “traditional” variety. Not to boast too much, but our execution this year was tremendous, yielding only an intended number of “overdone” cookies (achieved by rolling too thin) and all definitely hitting the enjoyable mark. My Mom really enjoyed her annual sharing (and eating) of her cookies with the many folks who are family, friends and/or part of her caregiving team in some way. All in all, pretty great.

So I began this tale with the promise of some insights, yet made you wait for ‘em and potentially made you hungry in the process – the nerve! So here are a few to chew on:

• Expectations Are Everything - While we never definitively determined the recipe’s origin, the recipe was titled and the cookies themselves had been consistently described as “Sugar Cookies.” For myself anyway that conjures up a very specific set of attributes, tastes, aromas, etc.  – ultimately something that Mom’s cookies didn’t quite match. However, if I handed you one of Mom’s cookies to try, telling you it was a “piece of Shortbread,” I bet you would find the cookie somewhat familiar and if you like shortbread, pretty decent.
• Tradition is just as situational/circumstantial as the Next, the New, the Reinvented - It never fails to amaze me the all-too-human tendency to unconsciously project the then current set of circumstances onto prior works, and then use that lens to make often sweeping judgements about intent. I’m pessimistic that this tendency could or even should be modified (it has its positive benefits!), but I am both optimistic in and a champion of, improving our collective ability to get better about explicitly identifying when we are applying this lens and when we are not. It takes work, effort to even minimally contextualize things created in different circumstances which is precisely why we often avoid it, yet doing so can yield very different insights. I noted earlier that one of the biggest differences between the traditional and the updated recipes is the ratios of the ingredients (fat to flour to sugar), and if I told you that when my Mom first started making this recipe she had been living in Scotland, would that change how you look at the recipe? How about if I told you that that timeframe was the 1970’s? How about if I told you they didn’t have much money? You get the point.
• Changing the Mix is (almost) always an option - Like we often forget that “no decision” is still a decision, it’s important to consider changing the mix, the balance, the ratio – of tasks, time, talent, order, etc – before changing the ingredients. In our cookie recipe odyssey, we found that to get a great “sugar” cookie meant simply changing the amounts/ratios of key ingredients, not the ingredients themselves or the process of making them. Look to see if you don’t already have the right ingredients, right in front of you.
• Value’s existence is not dependent on definitively successful attempts to measure it – While in large part you’ll find agreement in the general guidance I’ll loosely paraphrase as “You can’t manage what you don’t measure,” I will point out that this guidance is often wildly and I’ll strenuously argue, incorrectly, used to imply that all things should be managed, and therefore measured. That logic, applied in real-life, often results in focusing only on those things that are most easily measured: tangible, often physical outputs, irrespective of their actual impact or value to those involved. Please don’t do that. I hope that at least one thing that came through this retelling of our Christmas cookie journey, was that it was always about the entire experience, not just the cookie. Don’t make your work, your relationships, your life even, just about the cookie – make it about your life’s journey.

If you’ve made it this far, please take with you my very best wishes that you have had the best year (and holidays) possible, that you look forward to a brighter and better year ahead, and if this spurred any insights of your own, feel free to share them in the comments below! Also if for some reason you are looking for a good cause to donate to, consider making a gift to The Association for Frontotemporal Degeneration (AFTD).

colin

Classic Recipe – Fletcher Family Christmas Sugar Cookies

1 cup shortening

1-cup sugar

2 eggs

1 ? tsp. vanilla

3 ? cups flour

? tsp. baking powder

? tsp. salt

Cream shortening and sugar. Add egg beating after each. Add vanilla. Sift flour and baking powder and salt and add. Mix well. Wrap and chill at least 2 hours, preferably 3 to 4 hours. Roll out and cut cookies and place on greased cookie sheet. Bake 350 degrees for 15 min. Makes about 40 cookies.

Revised Recipe – Also Pretty Great (IMO) Christmas Sugar Cookies

• 1 cup shortening or butter
• 1 cup sugar
• 2 eggs
• 1 teaspoon vanilla
• 2-3/4 cups flour
• 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
• 1 teaspoon baking powder
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1/4 cup milk

Preparation:

In large bowl, cream shortening and sugar until fluffy. Add eggs, one at a time, beating well after each addition. Add vanilla and mix well.

Sift together flour, baking soda, baking powder, and salt. Add alternately to shortening mixture with milk, beginning and ending with dry ingredients. Cover dough and chill in refrigerator for 4 hours or overnight. (If chilled overnight, let dough sit at room temperature for 30 minutes before rolling out.)

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. On lightly floured surface, roll out dough using floured rolling pin to about 1/4" thickness. Cut with cookie cutters.

Or you can roll the dough into 1" balls, place on cookie sheets and flatten with the bottom of a water glass dipped in sugar. Bake on ungreased cookie sheets at 350 degrees F for 7-10 minutes until very light golden brown around edges. Let cool on cookie sheets for about a minute, then remove to wire rack to cool completely.