Lessons from a lost Friend

Last week, I lost a friend. I went to his funeral, with a focus on celebrating his life and I was struck by just how many people he influenced during his life. Although I only spent a small amount of time with him, it still feels like it was just yesterday in my mind.

This person meant a lot to me, and the more I reflected on it, I realized how many of the early ideas I had in conversations with him have shaped my view on the world and my approach to life.

Here are some of my reflections, and what it means to me;

He was a great businessman, setting up multiple successful companies and making good money in the process. That part of his life was about 1% of the conversation at the funeral. The family and friends weren't talking about how successful he was in business. Rather, they spoke about how much he was a great father, grandfather, and friend to them.

I sometimes get lost in the idea that work is more important than it really is. Sure, it pays the bills and affords me a lifestyle I like, but that should be it. I wanted to take away that lesson from the day and remember it when work is challenging or just not going the way I had planned. In the end, it is 1%.

I remember him when I was 17-18 and starting my career. He and I used to run and then go to the pub together, where we would just chat about his business. I didn't realize it at the time, but he was constantly coaching me, never giving me the answer but pushing me to work it out for myself. Even when we were running, he would set me challenges to run up hills or climb stuff while he would jog at a steady pace.

I truly admired the life he had made for himself and his family. Yeah, sure, that was partly the cool cars and the amazing house he built himself, but it was mainly the family unit he had created. The 5 kids were and continue to be so tight, always looking out for each other, enjoying the good times, and pulling together in the tougher times. That for me, as an only child, was amazing to see and even only temporarily be a part of.

Speaking to a number of people at the funeral, I was struck by how many of them saw him as a coach or mentor. He just seemed to naturally want to develop and bring the best out of people. So often, we are surrounded by negativity, people looking for our mistakes and finding ways to lessen our attempts. He was the total opposite, constantly finding ways to celebrate the good times and push people to be the best we can be. I can only hope to emulate that trait and celebrate others' successes, as surely that has to be the biggest difference we can all make.

It was spending time thinking about this and reflecting on who I am and how I want to be remembered that I realised the final lesson he taught me was, in fact, on the day of the funeral and in the memory and example he set.