Lessons from leadership & parenthood: MICROMANAGEMENT

Just as we need to get to know our teams & lead them in a way that works for them, we need to get to know our children & be the parent they need. That’s tough because most of us are programmed to parent the way we were parented – same goes for the way we manage people. We learn from our early managers, good and bad, until we learn more.

With a highly sensitive child, with oppositional tendencies, we are used to having every boundary pushed. He values freedom above all else, but I have noticed that the more he pushes, the more we tense up and find ourselves taking away some of that freedom.

Why?

Sometimes it’s about safety.

Usually it's about fear.

With a child that can’t yet regulate and make safe decisions, that fear is real.

But it also reminds me, yet again, of parallels between parenting and leadership – & the patterns we can fall into.

Micromanagement - not nice for anyone.

Sometimes it feels like we are micromanaging as parents, & that’s stressful.?

I hate it.

This got me thinking about some very senior people I’ve known, that do the same in their work lives.

People who have ALL the control and SAY they want autonomous empowered teams, yet hold onto the reins so tightly it’s suffocating.

It’s all based in fear.?

When you are dealing with a child's safety, that makes sense.

But what about when you are leading teams of competent, professional adults?

Most fear & lack of trust in others often comes from childhood.?Theories around attachment style & inner child work tell us a lot about the way people relate to others.?

As parents, we have our own work to do to ensure we create secure attachment styles in our kids, to make them feel empowered and capable of handling their lives & rolling with it, when it gets tough.?

I know there have been times when I’ve micromanaged at work.

It’s not my natural style, & it’s ALWAYS come about when I’ve been overwhelmed & stressed. It hurts me to say that I haven’t been the best leader during those times. I’ve said things I regret & reacted in ways I’m not proud of, because I was struggling.?

None of us is perfect.

All of us are human.

We all make mistakes & have tough times in life when we aren’t our best.?

The difference is whether we set up camp there & make that our 'style'

* the eternal micromanager / control freak / bully-boss*

or whether we have a strong enough sense of self, & our values to switch lane when we are getting it wrong.?

It really changes things, when you view micromanagers as someone who may be having a tough time.

It’s REALLY hard to imagine some of the micromanagers I’ve worked with as being afraid of losing control – but that’s ultimately what’s underneath most cases.

When you learn to see that, you can be compassionate & still decide if it’s something you want to stick around for.

But remember, almost every case of bad behaviour - child, parent, leader, employee, even world leader - is based in fear and suffering.?

A mentor once said to me, ‘the bigger the front, the bigger the back.’

The more ego, gusto and controlling behaviour - the more the fear & vulnerability they are trying to protect and hide.?

Interesting to view parenting and leadership that way, isn’t it?

Doesn’t mean you have to put up with it at work, but does mean you can see clearly what's going on & know its not about you.

If that’s you, hanging on so tightly to control when it feels bad – are you ready to look at why you do that?

Are you ready TAKE CHARGE and get back to being the best version of yourself, at home and at work?

Let's talk about how.