Lessons from Islam about virtual coaching
In the first blog in this series we discussed the importance of the coaches’ presence in a session. In the last blog we examined the disinhibition effect, which leads people to behave in ways they would not normally do because they feel ‘insulated’ or distant from another person, for instance when they are driving a car. We discussed how the disinhibition effect can be operating when coach and client are not face to face and therefore the coach needs to be aware of the danger in order to maintain presence.
Which raises the question of how we can support ourselves to behave with grace and professionalism while virtual coaching and not end up like the woman in the above picture. While I was on a meditation retreat I was introduced to the concept of Adab. Adab is an Arabic word not fully translatable into English. Linguistically it means to invite people for food. But in the context of behaviour it means, “refinement, good manners, morals, decorum, decency, humaneness”. (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adab) . One the retreat we were encouraged to have high standards in how we behaved towards the physical environment we were in, our interactions with each another and in following the rules of the retreat in order to create the best Adab possible. Interestingly enough the more care we took with our behaviour the better the retreat atmosphere seemed to become.
The relevance of Adab to virtual coaching is that it can help us maintain our standards and not become careless in a way that affects our ability to coach and will probably be communicated to the client. If we believe that the perceived distance from the client means that we don’t have to bother being fully present in some way, we are letting the client down. We may think that we can still impart our knowledge during the session and it does not matter how we look or behave if the client does not see it. But, if we lack Adab we are not really bringing our full self to the session. In my understanding of Islam it is Adab rather than knowledge that holds the greater value and importance (https://adabinislam.wordpress.com/adab/ If we are to maintain our standards on virtual calls in the same way as we would face to face we need to have the same standards of Adab as we would if we were face to face.
So how to ensure we give high quality attention and behaviour on virtual calls? Essentially treat any session as you would a face to face coaching session. Here is a technological and personal check list for phone, video or text coaching:
- Close any programmes you don’t actively need for the session
- Check with the client if they are comfortable with this method of working
- Agree in advance what you will do if you become disconnected/the technology is not working in some way
- Turn off your phone/other devices you are not using
- Clear your desk
- Dress as you would for a real session
- Make sure you start and finish on time
- Don’t have anything distracting in your line of sight
- Notice when you have a desire to multi task and find a way to give more attention to the client
- Plan ahead to avoid interruptions
- If the session is long offer the client a comfort/stretch break
If you follow these recommendations the client will sense you are truly present with both your skill and behaviour and will value the sessions accordingly. You will also support the client in their Adab and help them to bring their full self to the session as well. That is what I would call a win win.
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Wonderful Bob! Thanks for sharing :)
Good tips for remote / distance / virtual coaching.
CEO, Learning Transfer and Evaluation Specialist
8 年Interesting thoughts Bob thanks. My perspective is that coaching virtually calls for me to be even more present than when I am sat opposite someone. My senses are all bought into play to create the space and energy for the other person and it would never cross my mind to multi task! An Adab space as you suggest. I feel you can hear more than you could ever see in these situations and senses are heightened. Regards using video personally I encourage the other person to use the space to have a deep reflective conversation with themselves and find audio only is more powerful and beneficial - after all to be sustainable the relationship we are encouraging and developing is with themselves not us, the coach. Creating a balance between support and stretch enables this dynamic to flourish.
International Consultant, Entrepreneur, Author, Coach: {Management, Digital Marketing, Technology, Quality QMS}
8 年I just would like to say thank you for your initiative of relating the term "Adab" to coaching online. As a Muslim (Arab) and a Coach I find this view most powerful indeed. In fact it is very rich not only in the theoretical sense but in the practical aspect, so much so that if Adab is implemented in a virtual Coaching session it would truly establish a perfect foundation on which the session could be conducted. Thank you for such a profound vision which I hope some coaches would start researching it and applying it as the meaning of Adab is further explored under this coaching light.
Serving the Christian woman who is ready to own her true self, elevate in fierce faith, radical power and live the abundant life in Christ. It's never too late to Take Back Your Life!
8 年The word you used reminds me of mindfulness and its importance in our everyday, and most important when we're working with someone. I choose video conferencing because we are then both held accountable to being present/listening. All of the other suggestions apply when video conferencing as well. Thank you for the reminder.