Lessons from the greatest Coach in my world!

New Year - New Resolutions.  Mainly around becoming a better version of You. Personal Development is key for thriving onto the next level and for progressing in a profession. We spent lots of time, money and efforts by reading books, visiting seminars, taking coaching sessions and being a menthe. I did so too. All in All i′ve red close to 200 books around coaching, self-discipline, leadership, setting priorities, simplify your life, work-life balance and ultimately finding my ?Why“. Finally i′ve found the ultimate coach or he found me. Our relationship is soon 4 years old. It′s my son Darian. I am writing this article as a motivation to all hard-working dad′s to let your kids coach you which will ultimately develop you as a human being a lot more than any theory because they force you :) - (Oh and to all mommies. Please apologize that i don′t mention you. That′s because i don't have any expertise being a mommy. )

The impact on your working profession can be huge because i personally think fundamentally there is no difference between ?Me“ as a private person and ?Me“ as a professionel. I, Nevzat, don′t change my personality when entering work like a coat, which is rock-solid underpinned by psychology and communication. Just think about Friedemann Schulz von Thun and his inner team. Or the archetypes from Carl Jung. Not to name Cialdini or John Maxwell. I am the same Nevzat "The Edge" Bucioglu at work and at home with strengths, weaknesses, weird ideas, emotions and mistakes.So are you! And I had a great manager who has 4 coaches at home which explains a lot what i observed in the last 15 months under his leadership to underline my thoughts. Thank you Ben Savage for your great coaching.

I am a strong strong believer of H2H Business -Human 2 Human. And not making a difference B2B vs B2C. Everybody is a human being and fundamentally 1 Person with several hats (roles like Dad, Sales Rep, Soccer Coach, Kravist etc) but the Personality is the same.

Please find the most important lessons i′ve been taught the last 3,5 years by my 24/7 top coach Darian.

Be a better human being - Walk the Talk Before I had Darian, life was all about me. I did whatever I wanted, when I wanted to. Yes - I had a wife and of course i aligned my ideas and wishes with here. Nevertheless there was enough freedom and spare time to chase own dreams, ideas and projects without compromising our marriage. Being a parent has taught me that life isn’t all about me. We are all living on this planet together and so we should endeavor to make the world a better place. I teach Darian now about being a great person, giving to others, sticking up for the underdog, keeping his word, taking risks and trying your best. As I teach my son how to be a good citizen of the world, I am also teaching myself. And I need to watch each step and walk the talk. Being a living example of what i preach and expect. Business Use: We all need to live by our expectation and walk the talk in our profession. We all know how it feels if somebody expects from us certain behavior and is not delivering it himself. Preaching water and drinking whine has never worked

Life is better lived for others The very day that I discovered that I was going to be a dad, that all started to change. I began to think more about the safety and well-being of someone else, that someone being my future son, more than my own safety and well-being. This changed everything. Even how i train. I want to be able to protect my son from any harm. I have 180s of pure raw aggressiveness in me to release if necessary to protect my family. As every Dad by the way. And little did I know at the time, but it would open the floodgates to a much greater realization: that life isn't just better lived for others, life is best lived for all beings. I realized later that it wasn't just about my son, this same idea extended outwards to all people. Business Use: Don′t think about yourself first in your job. Think how to help others being successful. How to work for them, how to serve them. Give more than taking. Customers, Prospects, Channel Partners, Peers – everybody will appreciate that a lot. It makes the Difference! Think about the Best-Seller: Serving Leadership.

Drop the tech and listen. My phone is my lifeline. By that I mean I work from it, my calendar is on it, I make phone calls with it, and I connect socially using it. My phone often feels like an addiction that I need to go to rehab for: just as a crack addict needs one more hit of the drug, I feel like I need to look at my phone every minute. Some of my most guilty dad moments are when I realize that Darian has been trying to talk to me or play with but I am reading a text or an email, completely shutting him out of my world. It takes a conscious effort everyday to put the technology down and really appreciate that face-to-face interaction and show Darian that he has my undivided attention. Now he′s able to give me direct commands: “Daddy, put that phone down. Play with me“ not to mention his new super-weapon: Walking away!! Business Use: Be in the present – Be in the moment. If you are listening to a presentation – listen to it. If you are out on lunch – be present. It′s a matter of respect. (I need to become better at that too in business) before somebody walks away from you like Darian does sometimes.

Play more, worry less. Slow Down Life as a dad has become increasingly hectic. My son has taught me the importance of slowing down and the importance of play. My brain tells me I don’t want to play, I don’t like to play, I don’t have time to play. But when I concede to dropping whatever I am doing and sitting down to play cards, build Legos, wrestle with the little man or doing some pranks, my day gets a little easier. Some days we go outside for a walk or race (me on a roller against him on a bobby car) or play hide-and-seek at the local park. Our adult schedules can get ridiculously hectic. It often seems to me like the world is whirring by my head and I just can’t keep up, but Darian has shown me the value of slowing down. Darian does live at a slower pace. When we’re blasting off into outer space on a super important mission or fight an imaginery fire tomorrow’s to-do list just has to wait. Oh and btw - calisthenics at a playground with Darian on my back for Push Ups & Pull Ups (30 pounds of weight) is hell of a workout. Or play hide and seek with a 20 pounds weight vest.  Business Use: Have more Fun with your peers and even customers. Laughing together can create such a strong bond. There is no need that customer events are always boring not to mention team events. Or share a game of Playstation 4 or something else during lunch or instead of lunch. And before you take some lessons in "Animal Movements" please play a round with your kids - pretty much the same and saves you tons of money. Mark Sisson gave the advice to play more - even as an adult.

Be the hero. Be a Story-Teller “Above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim.” - Nora Ephron When a Darian tells me a story about kindergarden or the playing field, he is usually the hero of his story. The world revolves around him. He is Spiderman. He is Paw Patrol, Super Wings, Bob the Builder to name a few. And he′s done a great job - always. As we age, we don’t want to be conceited or egotistic, so we downplay our accomplishments and achievements. We don’t want to brag. But in doing so, we often slip to the side of self-deprecation. We put ourselves down to make others feel better or to be more relatable. Modesty becomes an admirable quality and we start to convince ourselves of our own mediocrity. Please be aware of arrogance. That is a different and ugly animal. But stop making yourself small. Be a Story-Teller. Teaching & Explaining to a 3 year old Darian is lot′s of emotions, pictures and noises rather than facts & arguments. It′s all about story-telling and addressing the heart. Finding analogies, comparing him with his heroes. Not just facts and some rules. Fairy Tales are a perfect example how to teach something in the best possible way. Business Use: Have the courage to be a hero. Say to yourself: ?i′ve done a good job“ or take compliments and appraisals with a sincere ?Thank You“. And start applying the Art of Story Telling in your profession. Stop "Death by Powerpoint".It works wonders!

The importance of routine I’m the type of guy who likes to do everything off-the-cuff. I live for new adventures and I enjoy exploring the unknown. My wife is the opposite. She likes stability and routine. Although I’m not ready to completely abandon my swashbuckling ways, I’ve come to appreciate her way of thinking. So we created strict routines for Darian and he thrives in this environment. The routine makes him feel safe. He knows what to expect everyday and what is expected of him. I’ve discovered that I’m most productive when I apply some routine to my workday by waking up at the same time, following a routine, especially a morning ritual. Business Use: Ever heard about the power of morning rituals? Hour of Power? Google it together with Antony Robbins. Waking up at the some time and doing some workout, mediation etc. Same routine day in, day out? It works wonders. Try it for 30 days 

Be humble and Generous. I honestly believe this is the greatest aspect of fatherhood and marriage that has changed me. I remember back in my younger days my weakness was my pride. I lost love before because of it. I have never believed in apologizing or being the first one to admit I was wrong, ever. Until I met my wife. Quite frankly, I struggle with this occasionally (very rarely) but it still happens at times. Being humble can be difficult, especially when you haven’t been your whole life or have been raised in a culture where man are never wrong. However, it is one the most vital traits to have in a family and life. You have to be humble to succeed as a dad, point blank. This may come off blunt, but if you are a prideful husband and dad , please for your sake get your foot out of your butt and change. Trust me, from personal experience things just get worse if your are to proud to say sorry. I have noticed a big change in Darian′s behavior and bond towards me from the day on I started to apologize.  Sentences like:“Darian, please apologize me. I judged to early and that was wrong“ are a game changer and so important. I am far far away of being perfect. So is everybody. Why not admitting when you are wrong? Be Generous. Say and Show ?Thank You“. Write small notes of appreciation & thankfulness. Don′t take anything for granted. I personally say ?I love you“ to Darian every morning and evening because I don’t know what happens. I am sending him Audio & Video Messages via WhatsApp when i am on business travel. Business Use: Start to show gratitude and thankfulness to your colleagues. Think about supporting functions when you are in sales. Without them you can’t do what you do on the frontline. When you are wrong or did something wrong to somebody - Apologize sincerely. 

The importance of trust My Number 1 promise to Darian when he was 30 mins old:?I will make sure Darian you can trust Dad′s words“. So i work hard on keeping my commitments to him. Not to mention to think twice what i promise. Yes - sometimes it might take longer than expected but then i explain it to him. Tell him the reasons and it works!Why is that so important for a kid? How often have you encountered a situation where you have questioned the trust you place in others? Have you trusted someone at their word, only to find you’ve been cheated or lied to? How did that make you feel? Now imagine how your child feels. If something takes longer or is no longer possible - talk to your child. Make a deal. Offer something. Explain it. You will be surprised about the result.Darian has coached me on this point a lot. Not too much on keeping my word - that was never a problem. But on the point when it takes longer then expected to communicate it much much better. Business Use: Trust is reciprocal and relates to character and competence. Trust is healthy, trust is good, and trust is absolutely critical if you want to succeed in business. If your word is not your bond then you have very little else to bargain with. When others realize you are a person of your word, they learn to trust you. It’s these elements which build and maintain trust. When you are held in high regard as someone who can be trusted, it’s in this place that your business is more likely to thrive.

Darian is brutal honest & transparent Darian tells it like he sees it, feels it, wants it. And while his communication may be embarrassing and brutal for me, there’s no doubt his communication is genuine and its delivery, faultless. Do we tell it like we witness or feel it, or do we sugar-coat or window-dress our communication? Do we communicate instantaneously and clearly, or do we strategize and stage-manage our actions to procrastinate the inevitable? Every Truth needs one courages person. I learned honest communication through Darian during the last 5 months. But it′s at the very beginning. Definitely a focus for 2018. Business Use: The Best-Seller from Ray Dalio ?Principles“ has as Number 1 Rule: ?Trust in Radical Truth & Transparency“. No Wishy-Washy Discussions and arguments. Clear and transparent statements - Yes or No. Of course not the asshole way please. I am starting being brutal honest to Darian, as he is to me, but of course not destroying his feelings and little heart.

Patience, Priorities and Perspective He’s taught me to keep my priorities in perspective. We can all list our most important priorities, but do we actually live that way? He reminds me of this every day. And also helped me have a Prio 1-3 list for every day. He’s taught me nothing if not patience — to have patience in the short term, as well patience in the long term. He’s taught me that I don’t need all the answers right now. He’s helped teach me what it means to be still and to still be moving. He’s taught me to how to not lean on my own understanding. And how to focus on few but important things. Of course he′s doing silly things – IN MY EYES! In his eyes they were absolutely necessary and important. Because his world view is different to mine. Asking him directly:”What have you thought Darian?” Why have you done XYZ?” reveals his perspective and view to me. Business Use: Resist the temptation to always know the answer. Always be right. Always expect instant gratification. Good things take time. Think about the awesome ?Chinese Bamboo Tree“ from Les Brown. Be aware that other peple have other world views, principles, beliefs and priorities. Put yourself in their shoes and ask to understand THEIR Why….not yours!

Just because I have now 2 kids - Darian (3,5y) and Milan (3 months) doesn’t mean I no longer get to have my own life. While it’s true that most of my time is spent taking care of my children, I make sure to prioritize my personal relationships, passions, and dreams into my life. I nurture my personal relationships by going on trips and adventure especially Obstacle Races like Toughmudder. I take care of my body by going on walks and training calisthenics & kettlebell. And I enjoy reading & listening to books. I have a great job at a fantastic company. I love my job and need to be carefully watching my work-life balance not to sacrifice my family because i love what i do for a living. My kids are not my whole life, they are a beautiful extension of my life.

Being a Dad is far more difficult than I anticipated it would be. I have learned that there will be days where I feel like a superhero and other days I will feel like worst dad in the world.  Some days I can do it all with a smile on my face, and other days I feel like I wasn’t cut out for the job. The beautiful thing is that Darian loves me on the good days and the bad days. In that way he has taught me about true love and acceptance. "I am learning all the time. The tombstone will be my diploma" (Eartha Kitt) I am being coached every day and looking forward to Milan′s Lessons – and am by far not perfect. Neither as a dad nor as a professional. That′s ok because I am a Human Being.

Take the time and listen to your kids - they are the best coaches you can imagine and they make you accountable. They will help you being a great human being - which is the most important part being successful in the Human 2 Human Business.

And please help stopping the fitness trend of animal movement :) and play more with your kids....