Lessons from a Gap Year (well...6 months, but who other than my wife is counting)

At the end of September 2020, I decided to take a 'Gap Year', which in my case was slated at 6 months (Diet Gap Year?). The key to taking any 'gap' time period is to reflect, inquire, study, and/or take actions needed to move forward. Well, my 6 months are up at the end of March, so what have I learned?

1. My wife will not kill me if and when I retire - This may not seem like much, but it was nice to find out that when the time comes, my wife and I actually can blend our time well, not drive each other crazy, and enjoy all the additional time together, while still doing our own thing.
2. The little things are actually the big things (Part 1) - What caught my attention was the selfless acts of kindness I received during this time. Three people called me to say they gave my name to a senior person or board member of an entity because they thought I would do a great job for the entity. None of these people had I reached out to, owed me any favor, or had I done a 'solid' for in the past. They were not involved deeply with any of the entities involved. They did this out of the goodness of their hearts. I do not care if anything ever comes of these mentions. The true gift was that they thought of me. I will always be grateful.
3. The little things were actually the big things (Part 2) - Like many people, I am often asked for my help. This did not change as I started my Gap Period. However, I found myself noticing something small....but huge. I received a thank you card for taking a small amount of my time to discuss career options with someone. I received an invitation to have my wife and I over as a thank you for career guidance. I had a person, who I respect greatly seek me out to run a career thought by me, and they really wanted to hear my take even though they are more than capable to discern themselves. The gift? I had developed a sour taste that while my time was always in demand, my time was also not valued. These fine individuals made me realize that my time can be both appreciated and seen as valuable. These people do not know just how meaningful these seemingly small gestures were, but they were huge.
4. Time and Money (Part 1) - I have been very good at managing my money, investing my financial resources, and closely guarding against waste and debt. This allowed me to take the gap period, and in actuality, retire if I so desired at age 60. However, it also made me see that how I managed my time was a complete contradiction compared to how I handled my money.
5. Time and Money (Part 2) - As noted above, I treated my time the exact opposite of my money. I would 'invest' in anyone's ideas, needs, plans, issues, problems, etc. All they had to do was ask, and I showed up. I treated my time like some big government give away (please, no haters for that statement!). This left me feeling bitter at times, used a whole lot, and unappreciated in many, many ways. I found myself mad at the wrong person. I was the problem, not those I gave my time to. No one put a gun to my head, threw me in the trunk of a car, and took my time away. I did that. Thus, I have been using this time to 'cash out' of my time investments that are not fruitful or do not bring me joy. This is allowing me to regain control of my time, so I can be more thoughtful, more prudent, and more targeted in who and what I invest my time in going forward.

In the end, what hit me was that I allowed my life, and in many ways my career, to be defined as helping others with their problems, needs, issues, you name it. It has been VERY rare where I jumped in to do something I wanted to do. Don't get me wrong, many, many good things came from doing the above, I have met and worked with some incredible and talented people, and we have accomplished some amazing things together, but in looking at my career, there were really three times where the job was something I targeted versus that company targeting me. The last time I targeted a job? 1999. Don't get me wrong, helping others can be very satisfying, However, shouldn't I choose where to invest the time, energy, and passion? Shouldn't I determine if the investment is worthwhile and fruitful?

The final word? It is about being very intentional about who and what I say yes to. In order to do that, I have to be able to say no a whole lot more. It is not about who asks, but how I answer that will rule the day. Something tells me I should have figured this out years ago.

Too soon old. Too late smart!