Lessons from Failure

Failing well is one of the hardest things to learn. I have made many mistakes over the years, but I have learned to look at failure as a stepping stone, a reason to keep climbing. In 2021, my executive coach helped me define failure by stating that it is an “unwillingness to learn”. This definition now squarely sits as the definition for failure at both of my companies, in my own professional development, and with my children.?

Never stop learning.

This series of articles will unpack a lot of what I have learned. It represents a bulk of the lessons-learned that I bring as context to my advisory practice at Southern Pulse, where I help business leaders work through the challenges unique to their operating environment in Latin America. It represents a bulk of the DNA I and others have worked hard to sew into the culture at Southern Pulse and Evidencity. And it represents foundational elements of my worldview, and how I approach every relationship.

I begin below with ten items: they are abstracts of each article I expect to publish through this year. I hope that what I’ve learned over the past twenty years will help you – in a small way – avoid the mistakes I’ve made over the years as an entrepreneur, a leader of leaders, a business owner, mentor, and friend. And as someone who still has a lot to learn about failing well.

This list is not in order of priority or importance. It is simply what poured out when I sat down to write between Christmas and New Years at the end of 2022. Here goes:

1.IRL > URL

A friend of mine and sometime advisor who has been on the long journey of bringing Evidencity from thought to reality once told me that there will always be an opportunity to find value in real life interactions. He holds to a truth we both agree upon in realizing how what happens in real life (IRL) is greater than what happens online (URL). This simple formula forms part of the mosaic I look through when thinking about new opportunities as we, collectively, march forward and through what many call the “fourth industrial revolution” (4IR).?

Web 3.0 and ChatGPT aside, I think of IRL > URL in management terms as well. The more we use Slack and Zoom, the more we define relationships within the context of these two-dimensional spaces. As often as I can, I try to bring encouragement, gratitude, and a human-focused moment into these conversations. We are connected yet limited by technology, but technology should not stifle our humanity. Heart-felt, human moments help bring a real life experience into an online setting, and remind us that the best way to communicate and work is in person, not online, even as more and more of us enjoy the benefits of remote work.

2. Be grace-fueled

When we set out to rebrand Evidencity with a wonderful team of word smiths and visual artists, we settled on the following sentence as the first line of our cultural statement: We are grace-fueled for the honest and brave, seeking truth. That was in early 2021. Sitting here with my legs dangling over the edge – the end – of 2022, I realize how much I have learned from trying, and often failing, to be grace fueled. Grace is unmerited favor. It is taking the time to put a work focus on pause to focus on the person. It is compassion and empathy. It is being patient. And sometimes it means letting someone go because they’re not the right person for the company. In all things, however, grace feels like something we simply can’t achieve or don’t want to strive for. But every time we bring grace to an interaction, independent of the reason for the conversation or meeting, we are rewarded. Grace is not always the most efficient or best way to run a business. But I’m convinced that it is the best way to be human. And good humans build excellent businesses.?

3. Listen long and hard before you speak?

I was raised in the South, a region of the United States where you don’t interrupt your elders, you say “Sir” and “Ma’am” to anyone older than you, and among other cultural rules, you listen twice as often as you speak. My momma used to say, “Boy, you got two ears and one mouth. What does that tell you?” In my teens, I was told by a man who is now one of the most influential bankers in the United States that I was a good listener. He told me that it would serve me well. And it has. But listening is only half of it. You also need to speak. But when you do, begin with questions, not statements. Get used to asking why, because why always lies under the what and how. Actively listen to the answer through asking more questions. Then, when you think you’ve heard enough, reflect back to the speaker what you’ve heard to ensure clarity. Then listen as they clarify, because you’re likely not going to get it all right the first time. If the speaker is a manager, you will be modeling a strong management practice. In summary: listen, ask, reflect, then listen again.

4. Begin and end with the relationship?

So many interactions we have in life are transactional. But they don’t need to be. Sometimes we need to jump right into the issue at hand without taking a few minutes to relate. But I like to make that the exception, not the rule. If I’m more focused on the relationship with my employee, she will act the same with her direct reports and team members. I lead in this fashion with our contractors and vendors, with our interns and board members. With our clients too. The more I can model this posture of relationship over transaction the better.

5. Determine and regularly check on the want?

In professional settings, we are naturally focused on work. We use our words to communicate what needs to happen, by when, for whom, etc. So our professional relationships are so often a mash up of words and work. Great managers, however, understand what the employee wants. Our desire, our want, is connected to our heart. Words and work are connected to our head. As a manager we need to understand both the head and the heart. But proceed cautiously here. You need to establish a relationship first, and build equity. Once you have relational equity and your team member feels safe with you, then ask the question: “What do you want?” It is an off putting question. People who don’t feel safe will automatically put up a wall and tell you what they think you want to hear. People who do feel safe will venture into the truth, and that’s where a powerful and insightful conversation begins.

6. Discover the unique ability

I have learned about the concept of unique ability from the Entrepreneurial Operating System (EOS). In practice, we define unique ability as the intersection of what you are passionate about doing with what you know you excel at doing. I have engaged young and experienced professionals with this discussion, and it is always rewarding. Helping someone discover something so innate about themselves, which is often so close that they can’t see it clearly, is always a special moment. It awakens the realization that we are designed for a unique type of task. As a manager, we need to help our team members discover their unique ability and set them about that task as often as possible.

7. Match want and unique ability with need

I often talk to my leaders about people and seats, and making sure that we have the right person, first, in the right seat, second. If you have the right person, then we can find them a seat. The wrong person simply doesn’t get a seat. They get let go, or are never hired. So my managers first focus on making their people feel safe. This is where the relationship is fundamental. Once that equity is in place, then they determine the employee’s unique ability and want. Once these two elements are in place, then help the person clearly see where want and unique ability match up with what the company needs. If there is not a match, then that employee is in the wrong seat. Find a new seat. This is a slow but important process. This is why we hire slow and fire fast. But more on that later…

8. What is over what if

My day moves up and down from strategic planning to design and implementation. From a sextant to a spade, and back.. As a CEO, I am the “chief executioner”, which in a modern-day context means that I’m helping others execute, keeping them pointed in the right direction and all moving together. In these conversations, I often hear myself and others asking the following question: “what would it look like if…” or simply “what if…”. What if we don’t close the contract? What if employee X doesn’t get it? What if we run out of money? What if we hired the wrong person? It’s very easy to surround ourselves with a wall of what if’s and ignore what is true. Whenever I find myself surrounded by what if’s, I break that mirage by reminding myself what is. I model the same for my direct reports as often as possible.

9. Abundance over scarcity

We all define the “marketplace” differently. My experience in the professional services and tech-enabled product world concludes that most people look at the market from the perspective of scarcity, not abundance. When we survey opportunities in the marketplace for the product or service we’re selling, we can approach every opportunity with one of two postures: the posture of scarcity means everyone else is a competitor. The posture of abundance means everyone else has an equal opportunity to win the bid. Scarcity pairs well with fear. Abundance pairs well with confidence. Scarcity is pushy and can be manipulative. Abundance is relaxed, and focused striking at the right time, not forcing the moment. One is a posture of squeezing our hands tight over one thing, precluding our ability to take hold of anything else. The other is a hands-open posture. It is one of faith and confidence, not fear. Businesses built on an abundance mindset are inherently more healthy, fun, rewarding, and impactful places to work.

10. Work the parking lot

Building a business or product is hard. At some point we need a place to “park” things for later review because the relationship between ideation and execution is zero-sum. As one increases the other must decrease. As momentum builds, new ideas give way to issues. So then we must determine what is urgent or what is important, or what is urgent and important. Items that are important but not urgent get parked. Working the parking lot means we are tracking the new ideas or issues, and coming back to them on a regular basis. A quarterly cycle feels the best for both of my businesses, but sometimes we need to work the parking lot monthly. As urgent/important and urgent tasks are completed, the important tasks then take precedence. If you have a safe place to park these issues and ideas, then you are always able to pick up on the next task and keep moving forward with purpose, pace, and focus.