Lessons From Dad

Lessons From Dad

A child’s memory is blurry. It’s not until we understand the concept of time and place that we can put things in any kind of chronological order. I have vague glimpses of early memories of Dad, like riding with him out to some barber shop, I think it was, so he could work on his banjo skills, or riding with him back to farm, or perhaps the rare occasion of visiting him in his office when we lived in Martinsburg, WV.

Report card days, those are among my first concrete memories of Dad. It was on those days I learned one of the first of many lessons from Dad. Hard work pays off. I couldn’t wait until report card days because they were PAY DAYS!!!; 50cts for an A, 25cts for B...no payouts for anything less.

Lesson 1: Hard work pays off...average work does not. Corollary to Lesson 1: Learn to negotiate better...we’ll revisit that later.

Dad comes from a large family. The boys in the family are all great athletes (I would assume the girls are as well, but I never saw them play). As a kid, I marveled at the trophy that was in Grandma and Grampa’s house that was bestowed on his brother Ted for being an outstanding 3 sport athlete in HS. His brother Terry is perhaps the best free throw shooter I’ve ever seen. I remember watching in awe one time up on the farm as he must have made 98 out of a 100 in a row once. He would have made more but a swarm of honeybees flew by, and we decided to try to chase it down. Dean never saw a shot he wouldn’t take...and most of the time wouldn’t make. Dad himself was a great athlete in his own right. He talks about how he loved baseball as a kid and was pretty good at it. I grew up watching him play basketball on various men’s league teams and I loved being the gym rat hanging out with him. I thought the gold and black league jacket he had was the coolest thing ever. I will be forever grateful to him for actually letting me join the big guys during the pick-up games on Monday nights when I was finally big enough to hoist a shot to the rim. I used to pray there’d be an odd of players so I could jump in. I learned two lessons from this.

Lesson 2: In addition to being involved in your kids' lives, include them in yours. Whether I was or wasn’t, I never felt like I was an inconvenience or a burden to have around...I always felt welcomed with the big boys...which explains why in most cases his friends are now my friends.

Lesson 3: Play up..I learned to be a better ball player because I played in a game that was above my ability. I learned to play hard because that’s the only way I could have a chance of staying in the game. I have applied this lesson to all aspects of my life.

I’ve always known Dad to be a generous man. He freely gives to those of him time and treasure. He has “loaned” to each of his kids money to help us...buy a house, get out of debt, or pay a bill, always with the stance that there is no expiration date on the note and with no expectation that the note would ever have to be paid off. More often it was more like “I’ll let you know if I ever need it”. Moreover, when it comes to helping others, he’s a terrible negotiator. Often times the conversation would go something like this...”I’ll sell you my car for $5000. Ya know, the tires should probably be replaced so how ‘bout you give me $4000. Actually, it really needs a tune up so let’s call it $2500. Honestly the door sticks a little bit, the steering wheel is a little out of round, the ash tray is dirty, you just take the car...and here’s 50 bucks for a full tank of gas and a carwash”

Lesson 4: Be Kind: If you can help someone...help them. Expect nothing in return...but more often than not you will receive it.

Professionally I’ve learned that there are good bosses and bad bosses and there are lessons to be learned from them both. The same is true with Dad. No person is perfect and yet there are lessons to be learned from his more frustrating qualities, which brings us to golf. As I mentioned earlier, Dad is not a great negotiator when it comes to his generosity but put him on the first tee and he’s a wolf in sheep’s clothing. Dad loves a great game but as often as not when he’s figuring a handicap on a “friendly/fair wager” you’ve lost the match before you’ve hit your first shot. On the occasions that he is not playing to his best he was never out of it. Who among us hasn’t felt the sting of the Wizard’s putter on the 18th green? It was predictable, practically a given. And that’s when the name calling started. While most would be insulted at this, he wore the jabs as a badge of honor. Dad is the poster child for “never say die”. Even when you are $20 down you’ve still got a chance to win if you have the courage to press.

Lesson 5: Be A Grinder:

The deck may be stacked against you, but don’t quit. You may not be playing your best but don’t quit. You may think the call was wrong...but refer to Rule 1(Rule 1: The referee is ALWAYS right... Rule 2: When the referee is wrong...refer to Rule 1). Keep grinding your chances are better if you do.

Everyone one of these lessons form the basis of how I approach almost everything. Seems kinda simple when you boil it all down: Work Hard, Be Involved, Be Kind, Play Up, and Keep Grinding. Works for me!!