Lessons in Asking...from my three year old

Lockdown and being surrounded by the energy of two kids on a daily basis has taught me a number of lessons, not least important ones on asking. That ever important skill that fundraisers can sometimes take years to perfect, comes through loud and clear from the mouths of babes. These are just a few of the tips I’ve taken from my two, aged 3 and 6.

Messaging – They are single minded in their messaging, to the point, deliberate and clear as day about what they want. If the ask is not fulfilled, they commit to highlighting it again and again throughout the day. They incorporate it into responses to being asked to do something by their parents, or whenever they see us grabbing a quiet opportunity to make tea or load washing. Sometimes they have articulated their need for a new toy/biscuit/tv show so often that I know what they want before their little faces even appear in the room.

Urgency – They are clear on the need for it NOW. In that moment, the blue car or TV show is THE most important thing. It does not matter that I am on a call, or that it’s lunchtime or other needs need to be met. It needs to happen now because nothing else is as important as what they are asking for in that moment. The need outstrips all other needs and is linked to their emotional happiness.

Thanking – Perhaps not in the most traditional of forms, (sometimes they don’t actually even say ‘Thank you’!) but the smiles, hugs and in some cases actual hours of deep play are huge thanks. Their delight at a special toy, certain colour plate, or biscuit is the joy we want to convey to donors every day in small opportunities to connect, surprise and delight. Overall, I provide what they want (but not always when they want it) because I want them to thrive and because I know what the end goal is. I know the kind of adults I want to raise and I’ve bought into the end goal. I think thanking is as much about thanking for the small gift as acknowledging where that gift is taking us.  

Who you ask – Obviously, in lockdown there was only really our nuclear family to ask, and we will always be the first port of call for our kids. But slowly the asks are expanding outwards, they are adding in friends, family, and neighbours. They are branching out, coming home from play dates with Pokemon cards in their pockets, having successfully negotiated to ‘borrow’ them. Friends and grandparents anticipate their requests, one of my close friends delights in providing those tiny M&S food toys whenever we see her, to the point where it’s expected. But the asks always radiate from their closest relationships outwards. They would never ask a stranger; they start where success is most likely to found. In our desperation to find new sources of funding or support, I think we forget those closest to us are likely our best source of support.