The Lesson At The Toll Booth: The Most Unlikely Place Teaches Me A Lesson In Patience And Understanding

As I navigate through this life, I have found lessons in the craziest of places and at the most absurd times; this one was no different, but the lesson I came away with out of nowhere was quite profound (to me anyway).

With the advent of EZPass everywhere, it has become commonplace to just blow through toll plazas as the money is directly taken from your bank account by that little device mounted on your dashboard, and stopping to actually pay a toll (especially in my home state of NJ, where tolls are PLENTY) has become less needed than in days passed.

But there are still those days you might have to...and here is where my story and where the life lesson kicks in.

I have an older pickup truck that I don’t drive too often, but for this occasion, I needed it for something and neglected to put the EZPass I own into it when I left the house.

Well, no sooner do I get near the exit where there is a toll that I realize I not only do not have the EZPass, but I have no change or money on me at all...

My heart races, and now I am frantically looking in the side panel and the glove compartment for any loose change I can find...and at that moment, all common sense leaves my mind and I am at the toll scrambling for spare change.

In hindsight, I maybe should’ve pulled over to the side, but in the heat of the moment, I wasn’t thinking clearly and there I was: stopped at this toll searching for money I didn’t have so I didn’t get a fine by passing through it.

As fate would have it, right on cue, as I am searching, there is a car behind me blasting its horn because I am not moving...and of course, my anger gets the best of me, and I start yelling out the window for them to calm down and they are yelling back at me to get out of the way...

Otherwise known as normal New Jersey driving etiquette.

As I finally gathered enough to pay the toll, I sped off angrily, cursing into the universe how much of a...ahem... “jerk” the impatient person behind me was...then I thought for a second:

How would I have reacted if the roles were reversed and I was the one waiting on someone to get through the toll...?

Spoiler alert: it would not have been much different than the reaction I received.

I can literally see myself yelling at them to get out of the way, much like what was being said to me...so how could I make them the villain?

Because of our perception, my friends.

We tend to view things at the moment when we are angry at someone like we have never done that infraction before...when in reality, we have and just forget in our blinding rage that we have been the one to:

-Cut someone off.

-Not use our turn signal.

-Use something without permission.

The list goes on and on and on...you can fill in your own blanks.

So if we have been there before, why so little understanding, and how can we change the mindset?

-Patience Is A Virtue That Few Have-

There it is, the “P” word: Patience.

We live in a fast society: food is delivered to us quickly, information is at our beck and call, an app can order your coffee while you are enroute, movies are delivered to your screen in mere moments...and we are less marveled as to what has become so common to society as we once were.

The amazement of programming your VCR not to miss a show has given way to yelling at the smart TV when the Wifi is on delay, and it takes an extra 30–45 seconds to load.

Being in public is no different, and nobody (not even yours truly, who recognizes this flaw in himself) is immune to wishing the person in front of you to move quicker or with the same sense of urgency you currently are.

What’s helped me after this to be a little more patient with people?

I try to imagine what their story is.

For me, I was just in a different car with no money to pay a toll...for some, it may be much different.

You tell yourself a story that 99.9% isn’t true about the other person because they are inconveniencing you, but what if:

The person walking slower than you and in your way just received terrible news and is just trying to make sense of it without falling apart?

The car in front of you driving slowly is a new parent coming home from the hospital with their newborn?

The person who brushed by you abruptly actually has an emergency to get to?

Heck, even the happy pictures on social media may hide the fact that the person you are jealous of is just barely getting by emotionally (that person may be me sometimes)!

These are stories you may never know...but because we tell ourselves they are rude or inconsiderate, it doesn’t matter at the moment.

Perspective, my friends, is what it’s all about.