A lesson in hindsight....

Its funny what lessons you can learn from hindsight....?

I came across this photo this morning. This was the last marathon I ran ( I got quite injured a few months after )...?

To paint this picture, it was 2017 and this was my 5th Marathon, I had run Canberra, Melbourne, Gold Coast, Tokyo and now was about to run the Berlin Marathon. Running a marathon is an amazing achievement, and training to achieve a personal best time is no mean feat either. There are many 4am long runs, fartlek, tempo, gammoudi, yasso , threshold training and my most favourite was my Sunday long runs of 26km+. After finishing the Tokyo Marathon earlier the same year in 3:07:55, I was more determined than ever to beat this personal best. Nothing was going to stop me. I trained as hard as I could, often alone running a track against nothing but myself and the numbers on the clock. How could I not beat my best time...?

Or so I thought...?

What I didn't consider were the things I couldn't control. I feel bad saying this because I love Berlin, its a beautiful city, but the marathon course was not on a level playing field with the course I ran in Tokyo. The road was narrower, there seemed to be more runners, there were many sharp turns. Even though I started within my pace group, there were lots of runners bonking at even the 20km point, this course wasn’t what I had in mind..? the road was flat which was good but it was slightly damp and there was a lot of ground to make up trying to weave through the slowbies who had gone out too hard and were close to bonking.. My effort levels were torn between keeping up my speed with keeping mentally alert for the unknowns ahead… this was nothing like Tokyo !!!

I distinctly remember at about the 30km mark when a runner had hit the wall and came to a complete standstill directly in front of me and I almost fell forward. I was torn between feeling empathy for him and being annoyed because he cost me a few seconds… (Wow !!)

I knew by about the 35km mark that it was touch and go to beat my PB and I knew it was going to be tight. But it only pushed me mentally. Because I hadn’t trained 120km a week for 6 months for nothing, I only had one shot at this. But conditions of the race were not on my side. The damp ground, crowded course, twists and turns, weaving through clusters of runners cost me precious time.?

I was so disappointed. I missed by PB by 15 seconds. 15 whole seconds. I was devastated.?

Look at my face as I crossed the finish line. I was so upset. I will never forget that feeling. Ever. I felt like I failed. 3:08:10. I didn’t beat my Tokyo time. 6 months of training and flying to the other side of the world all for nothing. I actually cried.?

But what I learned was that there are variables in that race that I couldn’t control. And in this case, those variables contributed to tougher conditions on that course. It wasn’t a reflection on my effort or my race preparation, it was a challenging course.?

So I look at this picture and I laugh. Because that race taught me a lesson. Not everything in life is going to go your way. And thats a good thing, because thats how we learn. Because we can always choose how we react. And from those choices is how we learn.?

So when I see this picture of me, having run 4 marathons before this, upset because I didn’t beat my PB, I laugh. Because the benefit of hindsight has taught me that whilst at that moment it was about the time, I gave it my all. And despite the difficult course, I chose to give it my best to the very last stride as hard as the course was.

And in hindsight, that for me, is a PB. ?