A Lesson from Cheese Fries

I didn’t get a head start in life.

My father sexually abused me from age 12 – 19, forced me to play the role of his wife, beat me, raped me, and even shared me with others. I shared my story in my TEDx Talk here.

I didn’t know how to handle the pain, shame, and false sense of guilt from those years of abuse. Life was, at times, almost not worth living. I once considered ending it. I met my husband Mack when I was 19. He was my knight in a shiny Camaro. He gave me the courage and support to escape, and I didn’t look back.

I left behind the father who had abused me, and I left behind my mother who blamed me for it all. I left with a couple of pillow cases stuffed with my clothes and a determination that my past wasn’t going to hold me back.

I didn’t really know how to deal with what happened to me, so I did the best I could at the time. I locked seven years of my life up behind a closed door in my heart. And then, I threw away the key.

I realized I could spend the rest of my life playing the victim role and using what happened to me as an excuse not to enjoy the rest of my life. Or, I could survive, move on, and learn to thrive. I chose to thrive.

What happens to us in life isn’t what’s most important. What’s most important is how we allow it to affect us. We don’t always get to choose what happens in life. We do get to choose how it affects us and how we respond to it. We can choose our attitude about what happens.

Attitude creates positivity.

Attitude can make or break the situations you face every day. It’s not easy, but making a decision to have a positive attitude and to be grateful for what you have can turn a bad situation into a good one.

My friend Amir Ghannad , author of The Transformative Leader, often talks about the power of our mindset in a situation. He says, “Your view of what is going on is influenced far more by what you say to yourself about the situation than what you actually physically see or hear.”

I was working a side job as a waitress at a steakhouse many years ago. I had a full time job and was also taking night classes.

One Saturday night, I got a large table of 10 people in my section. The kitchen was running behind. When the party ordered appetizers, I rushed to place the order with the kitchen. Fast service meant a bigger tip, and I was working hard with a smile. In the back, the appetizers came across the hot food line. I loaded up my serving tray with a platter of golden fries covered with bacon and cheese and a bowl of ranch dressing on the side. With the addition of a stack of appetizer plates, the serving tray was full.

I lifted the tray to my shoulder and grabbed a stand for the tray on my way out the door. As I left the kitchen, I noticed one shoe felt loose. I decided to ignore it since my hands were full as I moved through the restaurant.

I almost made it.

Less than 10 feet from my table, the shoelace that had come untied found its way under my other shoe. As I firmly placed that foot down and lifted the other, the issue became clear. It’s easy to have a good attitude when things are going my way. It was much more difficult to have a good attitude when I crashed to the floor in a pile of cheese fries, ranch dressing, and broken appetizer plates.

Right then and there, I had a choice.

That could become the worst waitressing moment of my life. Or, it could simply be a moment. It was about how I chose to take it. I got up and decided to disregard the ranch dressing dripping down my shirt! I decided to laugh about it, and smile, even though I was sure my table was going to be upset because those were clearly their cheese fries on the floor. But, they also had a good attitude and were very patient about getting their food. Our attitude about what happens is important. Our attitude towards other people is even more important.

John Maxwell said, “85 percent of success in life is due to attitude.” Our attitude towards life will determine life’s attitude towards us. The interesting thing about attitude is we get to choose it.

We can look at any situation in our lives and choose to see the positive or the negative side of things. As Marianne Williamson said, “Joy is what happens to us when we allow ourselves to recognize how good things really are.”

It’s truly up to us to focus on what we can control – our attitude. Stephen R. Covey calls it “re-scripting” ourselves into a proactive state where we choose our response to the situation. Start with being grateful for what you have, rather than bitter about what you don’t have.

Have a question on Leadership Development or Personal Growth? Click HERE to get in touch (contact form is near the bottom of the webpage) or just call me: 334-332-3526

This has been an excerpt from my book, A.C.H.I.E.V.E Maximize Your Potential with 7 Keys to Unlock Success and Significance. Pick up a copy here .