Lesson #30: The triumphs and travails of finding balance between parenting and work (Part 6)

#conversation_with_a_brother

6b. Share the load.

TS: Excuse me, brother. Do you have a moment for a quick chat? …Yes, I am talking to you….iwo gangan ni mo n ba soro!.?

MN:??Do I know you from somewhere?

TS: Oh yeah, I know you too well.??You are a great man with a thriving career. You are smart, collegial, and a perfect gentleman in the workplace. Your colleagues speak highly of your commitment to excellence, smart work, and your uncommon insight and problem-solving skills. I hear from folks in your network that you are a rising star in your industry with your employers doing all their best to keep you. Recruiters from other companies are always circling, frequently touching base to tempt you with better offers.??You are having the best of your of beautiful career at the moment and I'm happy for you. However, I am concerned that your success has brought untold stress and hardship on your (ex)partner. She’s almost at the point of quitting her once-thriving career as she manages her work, family, and many other life issues, you no longer had time to help with.

MN: Come on, give me a break. I am so busy right now. Besides, I am doing all these for the family. They get to spend the money anyways.

TS: I understand the demands o you busy career, but it has, recently, become a tenable excuse you’ve always used to justify your lopsided commitment to work more than life. Your (ex)partner had, for a long time, complained about your absence, but you've perfected the art of discarding her concerns and justifying your need to be away using work as an excuse. Here are a few points worth keeping in mind when next you think of escaping those family/parenting duties:

1.?????Your worth as a parent/partner isn’t a function of your earning power or how much you bring to the table. Being the “bread winner” does not excuse you from being involved parenting duty. It’s high time you got off that high horse and get involved.?

2.?????Family isn’t about meeting your needs and career interests alone. Find ways to support your (ex)partner’s career and life goals. Ensure that your commitment to her interests and goals isn’t just in words, but also in deed.

3.?????Parenting is a life-long responsibilities with multiple seasons. Those kids grow up so fast. Be present. Make every moment and season count.

4.?????Don’t be short-sighted with your time investment. Have a long-term view of life and career. I encourage you to make the most of your career - the spotlight, the attention, the relevance, and the opportunities your career affords, but don’t lose sight of your priorities. When all is said and done, and life draws the final curtain on your illustrious career, what will you be left with??

So, brother, there is more to you than career success. Go home and relieve your (ex)partner of the stress she's been shouldering all along. Don't wait to be asked. Get involved.

MN: You’ve given me a lot to think about tonight. I guess I should be heading home then…

TS: Sure. I hope you find them helpful. Have a good evening,

(c)ToluSajobi2022