Lending a Hand Never Gets Old : Practicing Random Acts of Kindness at Work and Elsewhere

When I was 21 and just starting out in my first full time position, I was employed by a large organization that was always swamped with work. There was too much work for too little employees to efficiently and effectively cover, but somehow we muddled through. Mostly, we were a hard working bunch, willing to come in early, stay late—even weekends—to get the job done and go the “extra mile.” However, one member of our team had a different work ethic. He was slothful, in my humble, young-adult opinion. Behind his back—probably because our young team hadn’t yet developed the diplomacy skills required to deliver effective feedback—we complained and gossiped that "John" was sloppy and slovenly, leaving the rest of us to pick up the slack. His slack. We bellyached about our overwhelming caseloads and mountains of work, but John’s piles of files were always a little higher, a little thicker, and a lot older than ours. And his clients a little angrier, too.

One particularly overwhelming workday, during our most trying, demanding of seasons, John called in sick. Again? Ha! Why were we not surprised??? Anyone would be sick of handling his caseload! But this time his excuse was different. “I’m not coming in today because my dog died.” His dog died??? That was his "big" excuse for leaving us with all of our own mountains or work, now alongside his???!

I was 21, inexperienced in life, and still working on growing a heart of compassion. And I was full of judgment. “Oh for Pete’s sake, his dog died??? That’s his excuse??? That’s why he’s not coming in today??? Oh, fine!” But I didn’t say “fine.” And John didn’t come in the next day, nor the next after that! In all, he took three days off for the passing of one dog. His dog of 13 years. Boy, did I have a lot to learn.

It’s decades later now. I've loved and lost my own 13-year old pup a few years back, and currently cherish my soon-to-be nine year old one, too. While lavishing affection on my aging dog I find myself occasionally thinking of John. And of my misplaced judgment of him all those years ago. I now want to take that 21-year-old version of my workplace self aside and infuse her with a kinder, more understanding heart towards John (like the Grinch whose small heart, when finally enlightened, “grew three sizes that day”)—give her the sage advice of:

Be kinder than necessary [Nina], for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of a [personal] battle. — Attributed to both T.H. Thompson and John Watson

Everyone we meet is fighting some kind of battle? Yup, probably. If they aren't right now, well, wait "15 minutes"... they will be. Sooner or later. Even those at work. Even the person who sits beside you, reports to you, or you to them. Every one of us. Every day.

I’m reminded of the saying, “practice random acts of kindness.” The acts of kindness extended my way when my own dog passed included supportive communications from my most cherished inner circle of friends and loved ones—phones calls from as far away as England, Jamaica, and Victoria, as well as the generosity of one of my neighbours who gently knocked on my door, to deliver homemade manicotti, fresh organic salad with homemade balsamic and garlic dressing, and a fresh baguette, accompanied with a big hug, whispering, “I know you won’t feel like making dinner this evening, so here you go.” What touching acts of kindness, indeed. To be remembered always.

So, in this vein, I pose these questions to you:

1. What memorable acts of kindness in the workplace, or elsewhere, have you experienced and/or witnessed so far in 2024; who (friend, colleague, family member, neighbour, or even stranger) has extended such acts to you of late?

2. What memorable acts of kindness have you extended to others at work, or elsewhere, so far this year? last year? your biggest or grandest acts ever?

3. How can you improve on your ability or willingness to receive others’ extended acts of kindness to you in 2024 and beyond? Be willing to receive an act of kindness is a gift of giving, too. Don't push kindness away.

4. What can you do to improve your own track record for practicing random acts of workplace kindness in the balance of 2024 and beyond?

Here are some suggestions:

1. “Clap” harder and longer for those who put out sincere effort: When I attend live theatre productions I’m often amazed at the conservative, lack-luster response of audiences. We watch and consume the actors’ and/or dancers’ over-the-top performances for two hours, and then the audiences politely clap for one curtain call (maybe) and it’s over? Sometimes it’s not quite like that, but oftentimes it is. Too often it’s the same with frontline and support staff, as well. So consider giving a frontline employee some well deserved, and often overlooked, official kudos. Some big metaphoric applause. Whether inside your own organization, or when you are a consumer of another's services beyond the parameters of your workplace, sing the formal praises (to the powers that be) of someone you just know doesn’t hear that “song” sung for them very often. And insist that your positive feedback is written down, for that person’s HR record.

2. Be generous with your supplies and share your resources, and positive disposition, more often—and reap the rewards: While in the -20 Celsius climes of Yellowknife, NWT, a few Decembers ago, I chose to sup amongst others in my hotel’s dining room, rather than dining alone in my room. Turns out that that was a good thing, for just as my order arrived, the lights went out... across this entire "North of 60" city! Well, at least I had a dinner to eat, and a candle, too. But not enough light to read by, nor work by. Another guest—Judith—had serendipitously chosen to sit at a table immediately under the only emergency pot-light in the dining room; but unluckily, she had yet to order her meal. Judith had enough light to read by, but no dinner. It’s a funny thing how power failures bring people together in acts of joy and kindness. After a few words of woe tossed back and forth to each other across the room, we decided to sit together. Judith offered to share her light and I offered to share my dinner. A match made in heaven! (Well, at least a match made in Yellowknife, on a cold, dark December night.) In another corner of the dinning room a group of twelve colleagues were celebrating their Christmas team dinner. Poor them. They hadn’t any light (beyond the candles), nor had they ordered. And we were told these winter, citywide blackouts often lasted three of four hours! What did that group of twelve do with their “lemons?" They made “lemonade!” Before we knew it, they were feeding (their souls) singing Christmas songs, one after another; laughing up a storm and having a grand ole time. And before we knew it, we (Judith and I) were singing right alongside… and the dining staff, too! Everyone present brought what they could to the metaphoric table—including the staff, who demonstrated their kindness by bringing bread and butter for all! Talk about getting our "daily bread!" Our hearts (and bellies) were full from the kindnesses that each brought, as they could, to the literal and metaphoric table—through light, bread, or song. Plain bread and butter did just fine. Even with a sugar sprinkled atop, for dessert! That trip turned out to be one of my Top 10 most memorable and fun speaking engagements of all time.

3. If you budget allows, forego the best bargain pricing, at the big box stores, every now and then, in favour of supporting the smaller merchants of your local community.

4. Cultivate a friendship with someone “new on the block” at work (or in your actual home-life building or community): Remember for yourself how lonely or isolated you may have felt in your own first few days and weeks at your current place of employment (and/or neighbourhood). Help spare that feeling for another.

5. Count to ten more often before you snipe or blow your stack at an annoying colleague, client, friend, or family member. It’s a physiological fact that even ten measly seconds gives your higher-thinking brain time to kick in and resist an unkind or regretful negative verbal or physical response that might otherwise sprout, causing you months, if not years, of regret.

6. Let another have their way: When it’s a big deal to them, and “no big deal” to you, accommodate a colleague, client, friend, or family member’s preference.

7. Do a good deed for a colleague and don’t take any credit (be the mystery elf).

8. Be first to say “Good Morning!” to colleagues, clients/customers, people on the elevator, and even passersby in your neighbourhood (especially on the Monday mornings!). Others may not say it first, but they most always joyfully respond in kind (no pun intended!) if they hear you.

9. Connect someone you care about with someone else you respect. Be a conduit for a friend looking for a new career position.

10. Give some of your off-the-clock, one-on-one time to a worthy and best-loved, or most in need, friend, family member, and/or community cause.

And for those of you in the northern climes... "We aint' out of the (snowy) woods yet! March can see "Old Man Winter" still huff and puff and spew thick white stuff a foot deep or better, so...

11. Shovel your neighbour’s sidewalk, and driveway, too, if it snows in your neighbourhood in March (and lucky you, if it doesn't!). You’re out there already, anyway; and the exercise will most likely do you good!

12. Freely give some possessions away (when they've outlived their joy or usefulness to you, but could still be cherished by another). One of my most favourite, spontaneous act of kindness things to do: when someone compliments an item I own—an item for which I really don't have any further use, nor sentimental attachment—I love the joy and liberation of saying, “You like it? It’s yours!” It’s a delightful, serendipitous surprise for the other, and helps me travel a little lighter/scrape off yet another old-possession "barnacle" off of my hull. Try it and see if you agree about the joy. Another example: The other day a neighbour—knowing the themes upon which I keynote—asked if I could recommend an uplifting book for her mother, who’s about to retire and is feeling a bit blue about her transition. I invited my neighbour into my library. We scanned some titles together. Low and behold, and completely forgotten by me, I found I owned two copies of Sarah Ban Breathnach’s, Simple Abundance (one was mine, the other, my late mother’s). "This book may be just the thing for your mummy. Take it as my gift. I have two copies!” I told my friend. At first she hesitated, perhaps feeling that she’d taken advantage, when all she was looking for was a title/a bit of advice; not to walk away with an actual book. But what do I need two copies of one book for? The answer: to give away to the first person who could use it! And my mother would have been so pleased to know that a fellow retiree got one of her 1000+ books that she had left behind.

13. Sit down with a colleague or family member for a one-on-one coffee break (with no other agenda but to enjoy their company and conversation; no multi-tasking while breaking with them. Not even looking at your phone once! Hard to do? Try harder. Sometimes the best act of kindness is being 100 percent present).

14. When a long lost friend or colleague pops into your mind for some reason, consider it a good omen and act of it. Reach out; reconnect. Even if it’s just an email or LinkedIn message, etc., of “Hello! I was thinking of you today, for some reason... after all this time!” Remember, every day, unbeknownst to you, someone you haven’t seen for ages is probably thinking of you right now! And this is increasingly true the older you get, because, by then, lol, you’ve met more people!

15. And how about practicing some random acts of kindness on yourself, too? Go slower for a few days as we inch ever-closer towards spring break. Take the long way home. Go for a drive in the country, without agenda or obligation. Actually stop to marvel at the first-of-spring bulbs now popping through the softening, muddy ground. Promise you’ll make a little more personal, freestyle "white space” in your balance of 2024. Not every day has to be scheduled to the hilt. Days, weeks, months and years... lives go by so quickly. protect some time for last-minute spontaneity fo goodness sake! For kindness sake! Take at least some stretches of time just for you, no matter your status because, as TV’s 60 Minutes’ beloved late ole journalist, Andy Rooney, once profoundly quipped: "Life's like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes."

So there you have it: 15 suggestions for demonstrating random acts of kindness at work or elsewhere this spring and beyond. And consider this: Chambers Dictionary of Etymology reports that the word “kind” dates back to 725 (in Old English’s Beowulf), meaning “friendly, benevolent, natural." So, at its core, and at the start, being kind is natural. You being kind is natural... one act at a time.

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Nina Spencer: 416-588-3334 | [email protected] | www.ninaspencer.com

Keynote Speaker, TV Host, Speaker Coach,?Voiceover Professional,?and Bestselling Author of,?Getting Passion Out of Your Profession,?and NEWEST BOOK and?KEYNOTE,?A Time to Creep, A Time To Soar: Lessons Learned for Work and Life from Climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro

Listen to Nina’s interviews on Zoomer Radio AM 740, FM 96.7 and NEWSTALK 1010/CFRB by clicking on the links on the home page of www.ninaspencer.com

Watch Nina’s Guest Appearance ?on TVO’s The Agenda: click second video down on home page at: www.ninaspencer.com