Legal English Newsletter VI

Welcome to the sixth edition of my Legal English Newsletter, which contains tips on legal English usage and appears (in theory if not in practice) on a quarterly basis.

Drafting tip: avoid long sentences

While long sentences are not problematic per se and may be unavoidable in certain legal contexts (e.g. when setting out long lists), it is good drafting practice to avoid them where possible.

I set out below three types of problematic long sentence together with examples and solutions:

(1)   Sentences that introduce complex criteria. The problem here is usually that the nature of the criteria and the identities of the parties to which they apply are not made sufficiently clear.

Here is an example:

Manufacturers involved in sector-specific activities involving the products listed in Annex II and distributors involved in the distribution of such products shall, where the Controlling Authority has classified such products as hazardous or in circumstances where advance notification to the Controlling Authority is impracticable or where secured vehicles are not available, refrain from transporting the products by road.

Here is one solution, which involves enumerating each individual criterion so that it completes the ‘springboard’ sentence:

Manufacturers involved in sector-specific activities involving the products listed in Annex II and distributors involved in their distribution may not transport such products by road if:

(a)   the Controlling Authority has classified such products as hazardous; or

(b)   advance notification to the Controlling Authority is impracticable; or

(c)    secured vehicles are not available.

(2)   Sentences whose length and construction leads to an unclear relation between their subjects, verbs and objects.

Here is an example:

Jane Tapley, a banking lawyer, attended a conference with three of her colleagues with four representatives of X Bank’s Frankfurt branch in Frankfurt on 11 January 2016, the purpose of which was to discuss the composition of their audit committee.

The solution set out below involves using full stops to create separate sentences, thus clarifying the relationships between the subjects, verbs and objects in play:

Jane Tapley is a banking lawyer. On 11 January 2016 she attended a conference in Frankfurt with four representatives of X Bank’s Frankfurt branch. The purpose of this conference, which was also attended by three of Ms Tapley’s colleagues, was to discuss the composition of the bank’s audit committee.

As a rule of thumb, it is often possible to split sentences at the point where a conjunction (e.g. and, but, as well as) or a relative pronoun (e.g. who, which, whose) appears.

(3)   Sentences that contain a proposition that is qualified by an exception, which is in turn qualified by a further exception. Even short sentences of this kind can be very hard to follow.

Here is an example:

All transfers must be approved by the Ministry, except where they concern sums in an amount less than EUR 1 million save as to transfers to credit institutions located outside the jurisdiction of Ruritania.

Here is a solution that involves (1) recasting the nature of the proposition so that it encapsulates the first condition, and (2) use of a discourse marker. Discourse markers act as signposts for the reader: they appear at the beginning of the sentence and tell the reader how to view what follows (e.g. however, therefore, in the event that, furthermore):

Transfers to credit institutions located within the jurisdiction of Ruritania must be approved by the Ministry unless each transfer involves sums in an amount of less than EUR 1 million. However, all transfers in any amount to credit institutions located outside the jurisdiction of Ruritania must be approved by the Ministry.

Language tip: the difference between ( ) and [ ]

Round brackets or parentheses ( ) are used to enclose words, phrases or whole sentences. If a whole sentence is in parentheses, the end punctuation stays inside it. For example:

(Stanning plc is hereinafter referred to as ‘the Company’.)

Where only the end part of the sentence is in parentheses, the end punctuation goes outside the parentheses. For example:

Stanning plc (hereinafter referred to as ‘the Company’).

The main circumstances in which parentheses are used are as follows:

?            To enclose remarks made by the writer of the text himself or herself. For example, ‘Mr. X (as I shall call him) then stood up to speak’.

?            To enclose mention of an authority, definition, explanation, reference or translation.

?            In the report of a speech, to enclose interruptions by the audience.

?            To enclose reference letters or figures. For example, ‘(1)(a)’.

Square brackets [ ] are used to enclose comments, corrections, explanations or notes not in the original text but added at a later stage by new authors or editors.

Square brackets are used in legal writing to adjust the format of quoted material. For example, they may be used to indicate that a letter now in lowercase was in capitals in the original text (‘The court ruled that [e]xistence of the subject matter of the contract precluded a finding of force majeure.’).

Did you know?

Those eager to boost their knowledge of obscure English legal terminology will be keen to acquaint themselves with the concept of jactitation of marriage. This common law term refers to malicious boasting by one party that he or she is married to the other. The innocent party is entitled to bring an action to obtain an order declaring the falsity of the claim made by the other party and require them to stop making it. This form of action was abolished in the United Kingdom in 1986, but remains at least technically valid in certain other jurisdictions.

Rupert Haigh