Leaving British Cycling

A common remark from many people after the World Championships last was: 'I can't believe you are giving up that role', particularly after the group's success and the trajectory they are on. I have reflected on this and come to a few conclusions.??

I suspect there is a lot of speculation over why I chose to leave British Cycling, and my remark in the media post about my leaving was spot on. I could no longer balance my life commitments with the role. I tossed and turned over the decision to leave for many months, with one experience tipping it over the edge for me. One day in March, I was rushing over to a course I was doing. The rushing was a regular occurrence for me in my day-to-day job, rush rush rush between meetings and sessions trying to meet the demands placed on a coach. I turned up to the course around an hour late into a role play. Two actors were playing out a scene in which a couple, one involved in high-performance sport and one the partner, was set over many years. At first, it started exciting and joyful with the partner supporting the odd hours, travel, insane commitment, and the constant being second to high-performance sport. Still, over the eight years, the partner grew tired of always being second and eventually left. The person involved in high-performance sports had had Olympic success and had made it to the top as a Performance Director but had lost his life and found himself at the end of two Olympic campaigns alone, questioning - was it worth it? Whilst the acting was touching and the message pertinent, it was then the breakout groups that we sat in to discuss the scene in which fellow high-performance coaches disclosed some pretty horrendous circumstances they found themselves in, pursuing career success under a common theme of sub-optimally managed systems - for I do not necessarily believe that this has to be the experience in high-performance sport. Following that, Andy Bradshaw , one of the course constructors, spoke about the recent research that UK Sport has done on burnout amongst high-performance coaches and, thankfully, is now attempting to put in frameworks to help high-performance coaches and systems not experience burnout. My point? Two things:

1. I certainly was not at a burnout level. Still, I was starting to display the underlying symptoms of burnout. My one 'work on' that I was constantly told was to 'protect my time' and 'ensure that I was rested'. I understood that, but I was experiencing symptoms of burnout because I had to take on more than my role demanded to fill the gaps in the system. I do not want to be 'carried off on a stretcher' at the end of an Olympic campaign, and if coaches have to go to that level, something is wrong either further down or up the chain - or both.

2. Whilst Olympic success is what I am employed to deliver for the athletes and programs, it conflicts with my coaching philosophy of person before athlete because I fundamentally believe that by helping the person, I can help facilitate a champion. So when people tell me I am a 'moron' for leaving or that I am giving up a chance to be a 'gold medal-winning coach', it does not motivate me. It deters me as I believe it is everything that is fundamentally wrong with high-performance sports. Don't get me wrong, I am highly competitive, and everything I do revolves around creating an environment to facilitate champions - but whether the athletes win or lose is secondary to whether they are better for having worked with me. Systems are more equipped these days to support athletes than I first experienced when I was an athlete. Still, it certainly is far from ideal, primarily due to the 'performance first' model that compromises the person often particularly at development level. That same support is limited for employees. My proudest coaching moments have come from watching the young women I have worked with over the last 16 months develop and become capable, independent and strong young women. It is a bonus that they have become fast in pursuing the environment that I created with the help of the performance team and the athletes themselves - for I certainly did not work alone in developing the team into what it is right now. I have left them as better people first and faster athletes/better staff second.

When the article came out that I was leaving, the overwhelming response from staff was things like: 'I wish I were that courageous', or 'We completely understand'. Even coaches from other countries reached out to me to tell me the same thing. The response from the athletes by this stage was, of course, sad and disappointed. Still, part of my coaching philosophy is to 'coach athletes to coach themselves' and make them 'the CEO of their careers' so they know they can succeed beyond their time with me in sports and life. I am sure of that. I am sad that my time with them is over, but I am excited to see them thrive on and off the bike now. The performance team are also incredible professionals with a high level of knowledge. As the coach, I only made decisions after first seeking their expertise - something I understood differed from their experience with other coaches.

I could only sit in front of the women I was coaching and tell them they needed to look after themselves as people first if I, too, looked after myself first. I won't accept being told things like, 'You won't be able to go home and just be a housewife' when I first started discussing trying to find a more sustainable way to complete the role back in January, after which my partner was now then back at home in Australia. It was as if choosing my family over my career was a horrible decision I would regret. When the reality by this time, I had had three other countries seeking interest in me to go and coach for them. One day, when I choose to have a family, I will take that as the most significant responsibility a human could have the privilege to do. I will do my best as a mother and a coach (because why should they be mutually exclusive?). I plan to substantially impact a sporting system to help enable the dreams of the athletes and staff I work with and hopefully help systems find a way to better support young female coaches who want to be mothers that it is possible. I have seen versions of this but have yet to see the potential of what this could be or look like.

High-Performance Sport speaks a big game about 'gender parity' and creating more opportunities for women. However, creating a space to facilitate women in the very egotistical, male-dominated domain of high-performance sports is essential. It is being strived for but not being met. Like most things in our world these days, parity is actually not the answer. I believe in employing people (men or women) in the right roles, managing well, and striving for excellence and professionalism. However, it would be remiss of me not to point out that at the World Championships, I, as a female coach, was a very tiny minority against the majority of male coaches. I hope any aspiring coach or professional who has seen me operate over the last 16months has also seen me push my athletes off the line, ride the motorbike at 75km/h on the track, speak up for myself in meetings, stand next to some very well-established and successful male coaches and professionals, and, in my first 16 months, take a team that no one believed in, to a team that people fear. No one will see that whilst we made tremendous physical progress, the environment created to help nourish and care for these young women so they could thrive had the most significant impact. That is not measurable, though, so how can I prove that? How can you measure the effect of improving someone's well-being on their performance?

Because of how differently I operated, I sometimes felt alone in pursuing my coaching philosophy. I felt some of my colleagues looking in at what I was trying to implement with disdain. I often heard about how 'inexperienced' I was because the experience only constituted how many 'gold medals' I had won - which was none by this stage (even though the coach didn't win the medal?). Weirdly, I often received remarks about how organised I am and how that reflects poorly on others - said jokingly, but it hurt. I was labelled as 'cutthroat' when, in reality, I was organised, had a philosophy and stuck to it with rigour. You would be pulled up in any other profession if you were not organised, detailed, and systematic - but not in high-performance sports. I don't want to point out the obvious because it conflicts with what I said earlier. Still, these women are going faster for a reason: is there a different way of coaching, managing and operating in High-Performance sports? I think so, yes. Is high-performance sports ready for another form of operation? I'm not sure. Across the board, high-performance sports encounter the same problems all the time. I am not just referring to cycling - this exists everywhere at every level in Olympic High Performance sports.

I am confident that the women's podium sprint team and its performance staff are equipped to continue building the momentum they are creating for next year and beyond. I hope that their voices (staff and athletes) are heard and that systems remember that we exist FOR the athletes, that we hold their hopes and dreams in our hands, and that sometimes we need to forget about funding, thinking of them as numbers and remember that they are just young people who one day got on a bike, found out that they were pretty good at it and that we are now trying to help them to go faster than others. It's weird when you break it down, and I had a sign above my desk at home to remind me that: 'I am trying to make people go fast around a velodrome - it's not that important in the whole scheme of life'. However, sport is an incredible phenomenon; it taught me so much and continues to do so... it's the people who make it and the stories behind those people. I am ever so grateful for the women I have worked with and the staff who helped me facilitate the team that is now building into a formidable Olympic Campaign! Who would have thought 16 months ago that we could say that? We have closed what was deemed an impossible gap where my whole goal was to help British Cycling qualify a women's sprint team for the Paris Games, which has not been achieved since 2012. Now, as world number 2 in the Team Sprint and a reigning World Champion in the Sprint, this team is no longer in the impossible realms and is just trying to qualify. I never believed that it was impossible. Anything is possible for those young women, as I think the same for any person. When I presented the strategy to them way back in May 2022, I dared them - I dared them to take this on, to prove to everyone that they are wrong. They have done that and more, even the athletes who didn't quite make it; everyone in that pathway has contributed in some way, shape or form.

I am sad to leave British Cycling. I got asked a lot if I was 'betraying' Australia by being there, and the answer is no - we are not at war in High-Performance sports like I have often heard it referred to as. As a coach, I exist to help others reach their potential - no matter what jersey they wear - I care about the people. In the time since I have formally left, I have felt an intense sadness for what was and what could have been. However, I am very grateful for the opportunity I was afforded. I have learnt so much about myself and how I want to operate. For now, I rest. Rebuild my energy, reconnect with my partner and support base and forge on to a new sporting systems Queensland Academy of Sport (QAS) and AusCycling , where I hope to have the same impact and greater.