Leave Your Ego in Your Wardrobe and Choose the Outfit That Exudes Your Personality in the Most Attractive Way.

Some people think that it is important to have an ego as it shows self-confidence, self-respect and self-image. And those people might claim that having a big ego makes us attractive as well. Self-image is how you see yourself. If you see yourself as a successful person, that is not bad, but if it goes beyond the level of always needing to feel validated through excessive acts of respect and recognition, then it will open a big gap between you and others around you. Your ego will always be a few steps ahead of your goal, the mission of your business, and as a result it might end up with the failure of the healthy relationship and successful business. People don't buy a business because of a business name but they prefer it because of a person and his personality behind that business.

What does attractive mean to me? Well, for me, it means simple, pleasant, friendly, respectful and modest, and ego doesn't include all these positive qualities in itself.

Why did I decide to talk about 'ego' and 'attractiveness'? Because of the recent unpleasant experience that I had with one of my Linkedin followers that made me to re-think about these two most important things.

A few days ago, I got an email from Ms. X saying that she is starting a podcast for women to talk about their experiences to help educate and build confidence in women and wants me to collaborate with her. As an expected proses, I thanked her and asked to email me the details about her company, audience, etc. She agreed saying that she will send. 

But, a few days after our conversation, she texted me back saying that she doesn't have time for that and she thinks that the opportunity is NOT for ME. Trying to understand what made her to think that the 'opportunity' wasn't for me, I asked her the reason that might help me to work on myself to gain that 'opportunity'. 

What she answered brought me to the point that the issue was not on me but it was the issue of 'ego' and 'mindset'. She said: "You're asking for too much and offering nothing really. I don't have anymore time to spend on this. I don’t need you to get it. ... . What you think my responsibilities are don’t mean a single thing to me. Now quit your crying and move on already". 

I have to confess that I was shocked by that response... I would have never thought to get this type of response from a woman whose 'mission' is to empower young women and help them to build a self-confidence. How one can represent a company empowering young women with such a manner and attitude towards other women with the same mission?! How one can make the other person feel guilty blaming her for not offering anything while not giving a chance to offer something?! How one can say that she doesn't have time to spend on important conversation that can empower thousands of women and take their opportunity from them?! Many questions arise that make me think and analyze that behavior and attitude .

Now you might ask what is the relation of our conversation to 'ego' and 'attractiveness'.

Ego is one type of a manner and attitude that builds walls between people. It is not a self-confidence but lack of confidence.

If one has the same mission with a prospective partner who has a bigger audience but the one prefers to build walls instead of bridges then it is an ego.

Aiming to avoid this conversation to turn into a gossip, I would like to share my opinion about how one can leave ego in her/his wardrobe and choose the outfit from the same wardrobe that represents her/him in its best way. 

If you replace the outfit with being 'pleasant, friendly, respectful and modest', then you will be the most attractive person that can help you to be surrounded with people of the same attitude and mindset. 

How to find that particular attractive outfit among thousands of outfits?

- Build bridges, not walls. 

Walls separate us. Why do we need to build walls all around us that one we left behind it lonely?! Build bridges instead of walls. The bridge that you build today, can take to the furthest way tomorrow. It can even take you to the stars that you thought were unreachable.  

- Trust people and relationship, not wealth. 

Money, career, business - all can be successful one day but unsuccessful the other day.

"You can not take the money with you but you can leave a good name behind you"

"You can not take the money with you but you can leave a good name behind you" - my father used to say us (RIP). If we become a successful and wealthy leader today, it is not only because we worked 24/7 but it is also we have had people who trusted us and gave us chance to proof our strength and become a successful leader. If some people trusted us one day, we have to trust other people and give them a chance to prove themselves. When we are happy, we call our family and friends to celebrate the happiness with us, we don't call to 'money' to join our happiness. When we are sad, we again call to people - family or friends to support us, money doesn't have a phone number to answer our calls or a souls to listen to us.

- Be friendly and modest, not arrogant

You don't need to be close friends in order to be friendly and modest. Listening to people, respecting and being nice to them already proofs your modesty. One can not be valued because of her/his position title, success or wealth. Whom would you choose to have a conversation - the most wealthiest person with upper nose or with a person who is down to earth, no matter of her/his financial condition? Think the same for yourself. 

- Empower others if you want to be powerful

Finally, be the power and empower others if you want to be powerful. If you have the same passion and goal with somebody else, don't be jealous but be positive and supportive so that you can also get a support. That's how the karma works, you help others and you get help from others. "Whatever energy you give, that energy returns back to you. Give positive energy, so you can get that positive energy back" my father used to say us. 

As a conclusion, I would like to mention Maya Angelou's quote: "People will forget what you said. People will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel." Act in a manner that people will remember it in a positive way.

With that saying, I am giving all my positive energy to everybody who took a time to read this post and I hope you pass your positive energy to somebody else. 

Have you had the moment that you thought you won't forget that feeling? What would you do if you had the same experience?

Ika Aliyeva is a Founder of Femigrants Foundation, the most powerful and unique online platform of female immigrant entrepreneurs and professionals that provides key resources for success, free of charge:

• online marketing services for business owners
• professional networking meet-ups
• online live interviews to increase exposure for new and aspiring business owners
• a coaching-mentorship program for aspiring professionals.

In addition to professional resources, Femigrants write and share success stories from powerful immigrant women entrepreneurs and professionals – not only to give a voice to their struggle and success, but to keep the rest of the  Femigrants community engaged, motivated, and always moving forward.

You can join Femigrants' professional and meaningful community on Facebook group.