Leave It On The Lake: Learning to Redirect Your Anger

When we tell others about how we are feeling, it’s easier to recognize some emotions over others. We feel comfortable with joy and sorrow, but one emotion is often noticeably absent from these discussions: anger. Anger is taboo, something we don’t like to talk about or even acknowledge.?

Yet anger is a normal - usually healthy - emotion. It is our natural, adaptive response to threats, inspiring powerful feelings and behaviors that allow us to fight and to defend ourselves when we are attacked. A certain amount of anger is necessary to our survival. We can’t lash out at everyone and everything that causes us irritation, so as we grow, we develop methods to control this difficult emotion. Some techniques are healthier than others, and because of the shame associated with anger (especially for women), many of us suppress our anger instead of processing it. And that’s where the danger begins.?

Unexpressed anger can be detrimental to your own wellbeing, as well as the wellbeing of those around you. I’ve dealt with these feelings, and I’m sure you have too. Over time, I’ve learned that processing anger and transforming it into something positive is the secret weapon for success.?

The danger of misplaced anger?

Unexpressed anger can create a multitude of problems. When your anger isn’t allowed outward expression, it can turn inward—on yourself. This can cause hypertension, high blood pressure, and mental health issues. Perhaps you’ve heard the saying, “depression is anger turned inward”? Psychologists like Sigmund Freud and Aaron Beck (known as the father of Cognitive Behavior Therapy) have linked depression with attacks against the self.

Suppressed anger can also lead to interpersonal problems, what psychologists call displaced anger . Anger is misdirected when it's focused on a person or source unrelated to the source of your anger. Sometimes it can be challenging to see beyond our own emotions to rationally identify a source of our rage, and it happens more than most of us imagine. This can look like passive-aggressive behavior or a personality that seems perpetually cynical and hostile. At its worst, it can even look like physical or emotional abuse.

So how do we prevent ourselves from inflicting our anger on others (or ourselves)??

Look inward?

Our struggles with managing our anger can come from a variety of sources , and we have to find the root cause in order to deal with them. Here are a few examples:?

• Situational: If you are going through something challenging, like job loss, divorce, grief, or a health issue, the emotions around your tough circumstance will find their way to the surface.?
• Family patterns: The behavior and beliefs you’ve learned from those who raised you can majorly inform how you handle most things, including anger. If one of your guardians bottled up their anger, it’s natural that you would do the same.?
• Past traumas: Many of us will experience trauma at one point in our lives, and that experience can color how we process emotions, especially if that trauma occurred when we were children. This may lead us to respond to all stress in “survival mode.”

Whether your unprocessed rage comes from a bad situation or a deep family wound, it’s imperative to learn new coping skills in order to transform and release that anger.?

Redirecting your energy

I’m not a psychologist, and if your anger is feeling seriously out of control, therapy is a wonderful tool . However, I have learned a lot in my quest to learn how to process my own anger, and I’ve found that first processing then redirecting that energy into myself and my purpose is what works for me. And more than that, it can be the secret of your success. Studies have shown that anger can be a very powerful motivator when it comes to achieving tough goals.?

If you’ve been following me for a while, you know that I’ve always been an athlete, and when I had bottled-up emotions to release, I turned to physical exercise. What was once training for a sport quickly transitioned to training to strengthen and keep grounded in my emotional physical and mental health. Many athletes find it challenging to make this switch, but the sooner you do this, you tap into a vital resource that can become your go-to strategy for processing emotions. After my divorce, and during Covid, I had a lot of pent-up anger inside me. I didn’t want to release it on my kids, my friends, or on myself and I knew that if I did not channel it in a healthy way, I could set myself back years. So I started running.?

During Covid, I ran an ultra marathon, running the number of miles per day given the calendar month. So, on April 1st, I ran one mile.? April 2nd, two miles. By April 26th, I had run 25 miles the dAy before. (By day 15, my body started to wear down, so I needed to do a run/walk strategy to finish.) I even ran 15 miles in my three-story parking garage one later night to fit in all my miles for that day. Completing this physical challenge gave me an outlet to process my feelings; my fear, my anger, my sadness. I mostly ran along Lake Michigan, facing soaring winds, snow storms, and torrential rain. When I wanted to quit, I told myself, “No one and nothing is going to break me and prevent me from getting this done. No One!”? This determination allowed me to push past limiting beliefs others had inflicted on me, and that I had inflicted on myself.? All this anger was left “on the lake.” You might prefer writing or weight lifting or painting or dancing. Or maybe all four. Anything that challenges you and allows you to express yourself can work.

Once all these emotions and anger is processed and released, you will feel a sense of peace. It won’t happen overnight. It takes consistency and dedication, but eventually, those feelings will release. And what’s fascinating is that once that release occurs, you automatically draw in prosperity and opportunities without pushing, because you made room for them. Anger takes up so much of our energy. We might as well use that energy for good.

If you are struggling and need to talk with someone, SAMHSA’s National Helpline is a free, confidential, 24/7, 365-day-a-year treatment referral and information service. 1-800-662-HELP (4357).?

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