At Least Fail at the Right Thing

I saw the Judy Garland quote below for the first time this morning in a James Altucher post. It strikes me on two levels, the second of which is much less obvious than the first.

Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.

- Judy Garland

It's strikingly beautiful, compelling as soon as you read it. Any of us, trying to be someone else, could only ever be a second-rate version. And the only person we have even a chance of being the best version of is ourselves.

At this level, let's not waste time trying to be someone else. Let's not consciously pursue projecting an image of what and who we are not. Following this advice alone would save much energy and avoid much heartache. If I'm to fail, let me fail at being me rather than (unavoidably) at being another.

The deeper resonance of this quote with me benefits from a slight re-wording. Pursue what you have intentionally chosen to be and do, instead of acting out the programme you inherited from others.

We 'inherited' our models of belief and behaviour from the language and actions of those we depended on when we were too young to take care of ourselves. Right and Wrong, How the World Works, and Who I Am all arose from my brain's background strategizing for how to get me safely through childhood in the specific environment I grew up in.

My personality was not of my making, and I am not my personality. Yet, that personality--that strategy for navigating a big complex world as a small, undeveloped being--is sticky and resolute. It's still intent on protecting the 'me' that is immeasurably stronger and more capable than the 'me' it developed in. It remains dead set on shielding me from threats and risks that no longer exist in my very different world.

And it misreads and misplays countless situations in my adult life. With it at the helm, I see myself as less than I am. I spurn opportunities. I hide beneath emotional armor. I cling to outdated certainties. In short, I lose touch with important elements of current reality. I am narrow-minded.

For most of us, there comes a time when we can't help but see this systemic misalignment. Even then, when it's clear something is not right, we can fumble and cycle from fix to fix, looking for the 'thing' we are missing.

Some of us chance upon a resource or an insight that points us inward. We investigate our 'self'; we discern its distinction from our personality, our 'story'. We accept a new, broader sense of responsibility, a creative capability and duty to update that story. And we embark on the conceptual, emotional and physical aspects of work that re-frame our lives with intentional aims, chosen values, and updated assumptions.

The work doesn't end; it powers and populates the adventures of life's second half. And no, we don't always succeed, but at least when we fail, it's in pursuit of something that is truly ours.