The Learnings of The League: We Are Our Relationships

Our experience of our lives comes down to a matrix of relationships, and these include humans, concepts, ideas, physical objects, practices, and pastimes. If it demands or deserves our attention, we might say that we have a “relationship” with it – whether it’s human or not. And like human relationships, a relationship with a concept, a pursuit, a pastime, or some other entity can hum along and thrive, giving back to us as much as we give to it – or it can go sour and deplete us. Wise Leaguers frequently drop this hint in our conversations: it’s built into our language.?

For example, a common theme in conversation at The Fem League is our “relationship to work.” Where does work fall on our list of priorities? How deeply is it intertwined with our identity? Do we expect this to be a passionate, adventurous relationship that opens new horizons and invites us to risk? Or this relationship might also be a bit predictable and routine – and that might be perfectly all right with us if security is what we value most. For many of us, work is bound up with money. So… how do we relate to money, to wealth, to financial status, or stability? Do we have a healthy and flexible relationship with money, or has it become controlling, obsessive, even toxic?

Our relationship with our emotions is profoundly important, too. How do we relate to anger? To grief? To resentment? To joy? To jealousy? To desire? To fear? Emotions can be pleasant or unpleasant, convenient or inconvenient – but do we respect and honour them, regardless of whether we like them? Can we learn to recognise them, to make space for them, and hear what they’re trying to do for us? Or are we ashamed of them? Do we have a habit of judging our emotions, and trying to push them away?

We also often bring up the subject of our relationship to our body. This involves our relationship with food, nutrition and appetite; with pharmaceuticals and medicines; with exercise and movement; with sex, sensuality and pleasure; with rest and sleep; with race, age, body size, and ability. We live in an economy that systematically damages this relationship for big profit, and we live with traumas that may have undermined this relationship from a very young age. So many of us must do conscious and intentional work to build, re-build, sustain and protect a healthy relationship with our body. When it comes to overall well-being, our relationship with our body is arguably one of the most important relationships of our lives.??

Advanced-level reflection: we might consider our relationship with nature, or with the divine. Whatever these concepts mean to us, how we relate to them – or how we don’t –?can have a profound and far-reaching impact on our well-being.

Much like with human relationships, we might make the mistake of noticing a relationship (with work, money, body, emotions, nature, divinity)?only?when something goes wrong and causes discomfort or pain. Instead, we can develop the habit of observing all of these different relationships as they go through their ups and downs in our lives. As we age, learn and grow, the relationships that matter most might shift with the seasons. Contemplation is one great way to bear witness, and so is conversation – and so here we are, supporting one another in the radical act of paying attention to ourselves in relationships of all kinds.?