Learnings of the League: How Do I Want to Be Loved Right Now?

We all know the old oxygen-mask analogy for self-care: “Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the overhead area. Please place the mask over your own mouth and nose before assisting others.” The oxygen-mask analogy tells us to care for ourselves first, because if we don’t, then we may find ourselves suffocating – in which case definitely won’t be able to care for the ones around us. Care for yourself first. Love yourself first. We’ve heard it, we’ve read it, we’ve said it – and repeated it. It’s simple to say, but it’s not easy to do. And frankly, the challenges of life are rarely as straightforward as an oxygen mask dropping from the ceiling. So when we say “love yourself first,” what does it really mean??

Well, the body is always a good place to start – for all people, at all times. Let’s start by caring for our bodies every day. Do we feel safe? Are we getting enough rest and sleep? Are we eating enough nutritious food? Are we able to move and stretch at least a little bit each day? If the answer to any one of these four questions is “no,” then changing that “no” to a “yes” will be a step in the direction of basic self-care and self-love. We need safety, rest, nutrition and a little bit of motion, consistently, no matter who we are and no matter the season we’re passing through. Whether the others who depend on us are children, elders, bosses, employees, colleagues, clients, friends or lovers, we truly won’t be able to do much for anyone if our bodies are not safe, rested, and nourished. This is the oxygen mask.

Beyond this, however, self-care and self-love might look different for different people, or at different times in our lives. Season by season, we probably have to check in again and again to discover the right answer, and – once we uncover what we discover – we may have to shuffle our priorities to accommodate it. Things change. We change. Our energies, needs, bodies and boundaries change. There will be seasons when self-care looks a lot like self-indulgence, and other seasons when self-care means self-restraint. Maybe loving ourselves means exercising firm discipline in one area, while offering ourselves softness and permission in another.?

There’s no one right answer, so we’ve got to get more granular. Let’s take another cue from the oxygen mask: once we’ve got it on, let’s breathe deeply. Make sure the air is flowing. Double-check it with a deep breath, and triple-check it with another. Then we can finally ask our bodies: what does “loving myself first” really mean?to me? What does it really mean to me?right now? Among all of the different ways that care and love can be practised, how do I want to be loved in this moment? What do I really need? Coming from a place of intuition and attention, the quality and depth of our self-love can show the world both what we deserve, and what we’re capable of offering.