Learnings of the League – Giving Up vs. Letting Go

“Hang in there. Persevere. Never give up. Don’t be a quitter. Quitters never win, and winners never quit.” We’ve all heard versions of this advice. Maybe we’ve followed it, and maybe?we’ve given it to others.?

On the other hand, we’ve probably also heard, followed, and given the opposite guidance. “Know when it’s time to move on. Release attachments to outcomes. Let go of that which no longer serves you.”?

Is quitting an act of cowardice, or courage? When does persistence stop being fierce, and start being foolish? Just like most things in life, it’s not black and white – and that’s all right with us. The Fem Leaguers are pretty good at shining the light of our collective wisdom to help illuminate and navigate life’s gray areas, ambiguities, and uncertainties; it’s kind of our thing.??

When the temptation to quit is a message from our self-doubt or our very old fears, this might lead us to quit prematurely, before the lessons of the challenge have their chance to be learned. A job, relationship, project, or other endeavour might seem like more than we can handle; we might wonder whether we’ve got what it takes, struggle with perfectionism in our role, and even feel like an impostor. If these are old familiar patterns of thought, with roots in trauma conditioning, then the urge to quit may not be guiding us toward our highest potential. This would constitute giving up, in a negative sense. In these cases we should gently mistrust the urge to give up; this is when we should probably persevere, push through, soldier on, and reassess the situation when we have a more panoramic perspective, from the top of the next hill.?

On the other hand, some endeavours might really turn out to be more than we can handle – or more than we?want to?handle! It’s not about being incapable, or being an impostor: the truth is that it can take time for us to realize that a challenge is taking more than it’s giving, even in the long term. It’s taxing our resources too much, it’s affecting our lives negatively, and it’s compromising our wellness. It’s just not worth it anymore. And in other cases, an endeavour that once made perfect sense or was once a great idea may simply no longer be! Its natural arc may have closed. Maybe it changed, or maybe we did, or maybe the context around us did – but in any case, even happy stories come to their natural end. In all of these cases, the temptation to quit might be our intuitive wisdom speaking to us: it’s time to release something that no longer serves us. This is “healthy” quitting, or letting go. It’s time to step down, step away, and move on – and redirect those resources toward our true thriving elsewhere.??

So how do we know when we’re meeting our growing edge, and we’re called to make space for what’s coming? What’s the difference between giving up out of fear, and letting go with courage? The difference is peace.?

When we’re giving up on something too soon, we won’t be able to find peace about it. It’ll trouble our hearts and our spirits, haunt our dreams and stain our sense of integrity and self-respect. On the other hand, when we’re letting go of something that no longer serves us, we will feel a pervasive sense of peace in our hearts and our bodies. This isn’t to say it’ll always feel easy: there may be grief around letting go, even when it’s absolutely the right thing to do, and grief hurts. But even in grief, there will be peace. It starts with being in our body, fully present in the moment, feeling everything that’s there, and learning to listen with love. It’s subtle, so it’s a daily practice. When letting go creates open space, and within that space we find peace, then we know we’re at our growing edge – and it may soon become part of our comfort zone.?