Learnings of the League – The Fierce Courage of Self-Love

When we say “she’s all heart,” we’re usually describing someone’s empathy, goodwill, sensitivity, generosity, charity, and kindness. We could say it of someone who’s self-sacrificing for the sake of others. We might also say things like “she’s a sweetie” or “she’s a softie” or “she’d give away the shirt on her back” – all praise in the same vein. So many women are raised from girlhood to stuff down our needs and feelings for the sake of others’ comfort, as if putting others first is what it means to be “all heart.” Sugar and spice and all things nice, right?

In the face of this conditioning, what’s the inner drive that allows us to show up in the way of courage? What’s the force that urges us forward when we’re worried about what others think, or concerned with pleasing people, or wondering if we’ll be rejected? It’s self-love. It’s the deep need to be genuine, to be our most authentic selves, to be seen and celebrated for who we really are. This is the true heart we’re made up of.?

So we’ll take “She’s all heart,” thank you. We’ll reclaim it, then stretch it and expand it to reflect a bigger, fiercer truth about who we really are.?

Consider the word “courage” itself. It comes through the Old French?corage, which has its roots in?cor?– the classical Latin word for heart. This means that our language itself roots bravery in the heart. Courage is heart strength, heartfulness, and heart wisdom. It often moves hand in hand with patience, generosity, kindness and sensitivity: it can be soft and sweet, for sure. But it often does not come off that way: it’s not sugar, it’s got spice, and it definitely won’t always seem so nice. Courage is a different way of knowing that doesn’t come from the head. It isn’t about logic or rationality. We can’t reason or argue or convince ourselves into courage. What we can do is love ourselves fiercely into courage. What we have to do is love ourselves radically, from courage.??

So we can keep on saying that someone who’s generous and kind is “all heart,” because this is a lovely and true thing to say. And now let’s go ahead and take it further. We’re all heart when we stand up for ourselves. We’re all heart when we express a boundary, and hold it. We’re all heart when we say an authentic “no.” We’re all heart when we feel our emotions fully and authentically, and let them move through us, and name them without shame – even though this might sometimes make someone else feel uncomfortable. “I’m all heart,” we say about ourselves when we speak our truth, write our story, chase our dream, pursue our goal. Each time we’re facing uncertainty and doubt, we can know that we are all heart – and let our most radical courage flow from there.