Learning the Value of Me -- 7 Helpful Tips About Self-value

In my boyhood home, valuing myself was not high on the agenda. “You can do better than that,” is a phrase I remember most. Now let me be clear that my parents weren’t the kind to call me stupid or to criticize me harshly. Definitely not abusive in any form of the word. However in my world, to value myself looked more like pride than humility, therefore any such notions were avoided like the plague so I was afraid to value myself. “Pride comes before a pitfall,” I was told repeatedly. And I believed it. And I still do.?

Pride’s path leads to disaster.?

But now . . .?

I also see the difference between pride and valuing oneself. They’re not the same. In fact, humility actually means valuing myself. Appropriately.?

It means seeing the shining moments along with the embarrassing moments without diminishing one’s value.

Value is not determined by performance. It’s not about what you do, it’s about who you are. Big difference.?

The Bible Says to Value Myself??

If you’re in the evangelical world, then you may not know that valuing myself is a core Christian principle. It’s baked into the New Testament, but we tend to gloss over that and highlight humanity’s sinfulness. We’re all a bunch of losers, liars, and politicians according to many evangelical pastors and church members. I think they’re missing something.?

In case you’re interested in what the New Testament says about our self-worth and significance:

“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."?

“But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession.”

“Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”

“To all God’s holy people in Christ Jesus at Philippi,”?

Self-value is one of the core tenets of following Jesus that doesn’t get much press. I’m not sure why. For me, self-loathing was a pill I swallowed because everyone I knew was swallowing it. What I didn’t realize was how much that pill was hurting and not helping me to live fully the life I was created to live. Only a part of me was showing up each day. Over time, following has Jesus led me to personal growth, which has led me to value myself more. ?

Valuing Myself and Others?

I’ll be frank and say that devaluing oneself or others is an unhealthy way to live. Unfortunately, I’ll confess that I’ve not only devalued myself, but I’ve also devalued other people based on their race, accent, or some other random category. No, I’m not proud of that and I regret it. Thankfully, I’ve learned to value others with respect and honor. I’ve also learned to value myself and am no longer afraid of it. (Imagine those ideas being so closely related. Ever read the phrase love your neighbor as yourself? Hmmm) ?

It has taken me a minute, but I’ve come to understand how important self-value is. Honestly, I didn’t realize how much it mattered until I started seeing its absence in myself and in others. I’ve begun noticing when people belittle themselves and I shudder when they do. It’s not a pretty picture when I see it.?

7 Helpful Truths?

Here are 7 helpful truths I’ve learned about valuing myself:

— When I value myself, I take care of myself.

I invest time and money in self-care. I exercise regularly. I eat healthy. Kinda. I’m learning to care for my mind by reading, thinking, and journaling. I rest. In other words, I’m paying more attention to my own needs.?

— When I value myself, I don’t live by “shoulds.”?

“Should” is used frequently to inflict guilt and shame whether I use it for someone else or for myself. “You should do this” or “You should do that.”? If I “should” do something, It’s usually because I didn’t do it and probably didn’t want to do it, but someone or culture in general expected me to do it. I’m learning to just do it if it’s my responsibility. I rarely live with “should.”

— When I value myself, I don’t need anyone else’s approval

My choices are not based on other people’s opinions. I threw people pleasing out the window years ago driving down the interstate. It’s followed me around since and it shows up at times, but overall, it’s no longer my drug of choice.?

— When I value myself, I trust myself.?

I make my decisions and stick with them because I know me. Whether those choices are small, medium, or large, when I get to the place of making a decision, I make it. I’m not always right, but I am decisive. Confidence has grown in me.?

— When I value myself, I can walk away from environments that aren’t right for me.

It’s closely related to the previous idea, but I trust that if my gut is not aligning with a certain person or situation, I can walk away without needing to explain anything to anyone. It’s like shoes that don’t fit. I turn around and leave them on the shelf.?

— When I value myself, I can honor others readily.

Valuing myself is a foundation for me honoring others. I’m free to value people when I don’t have to compare myself to them. I know my value and I know their value.?

— When I value myself, I can forgive myself.

My failures have become my teachers rather than my judges. I’m not proud of those moments where I’ve fallen. But I’m learning to forgive myself, learn from the poor choices, and discover what I can do differently in the future.?

Changing the Way I See And Value Myself?

Valuing myself has been a game changer because it’s changed the way I see myself, which has changed the way I engage with people. I know I have much to offer so I bring more of my real self to the table. I listen better. I encourage more. I have deeper empathy. That means there’s more truth spoken with love. ?

The Key? Start telling yourself a new story about who you are, the story of your value. Write it down somewhere.?

And tell it to yourself every single day.?

Stop believing the “de-valued” story you’ve accepted as true. Today is a new day. And the beginning of a new story.?