Learning Through Setbacks and the Importance of Connections

It was around the normal time I got up – around 5, 5:15ish in Lawton, OK, home of Fort Sill. Before getting ready to work out, I checked my Blackberry.

In my email, there was a message from one of the top business schools where I applied and they had made their decision. There was a link embedded for me.

When I clicked the link and logged into my profile early that morning I don’t remember a whole lot. But what I do remember were words like “regret” and “extremely competitive” and all the boiler plate rejection letter verbiage.

I always knew there would be a real possibility that I’d be denied admission to one or more of my schools of choice. But this particular one bothered me. I seemed to have everything they were looking for – scoring well above the average of the program’s GPA and GMAT. I had spoken with students in both the veterans and consulting organizations. I even met with an old friend from undergrad who had matriculated to the same institution just that year, when I went for my interview and visit.

It kept picking at me that day, and pretty soon after a few days, I actually decided to call the school to see if I could get some pointed feedback as to what went wrong.

I finally reached an admissions officer after a couple of attempts. I was fortunate because generally schools and companies are very guarded about the so-called “secret sauce” of their application process. As we spoke and gradually went through my file, she reassured me that I did in fact have an impressive record, and even once considered the possibility to me that they had made a mistake.

Then her voice stopped dead in its tracks.

“Oh my…” she said. “I see what happened”.

“What’s that?” I said growing curious.

“Your interview must have gone very badly judging by what I’m seeing”, she finished.

I could not believe it. There was no way. It was a 30-minute span of time with one person? What were the comments that were in my file? Everything felt fine to me in the moment. What could possibly have gone so wrong?

I asked her if she could elaborate on the feedback that was written down. As with mostly all feedback from rejections, it was rather vague and generalized.

At the time, bullheaded as I was, I still wasn’t convinced that there was much wrong. OK, so an interview could always be better, but I chalked this up to “you win some, you lose some”.

Boy was I wrong.

Looking back, knowing what I know now about the importance of establishing rapport, making a connection and generally making it more about a conversation than a Q and A session – it was a complete disaster.

I hadn’t fully understood that in the interview process, that is what it’s all about. As a young military officer, I simply wasn’t exposed to that concept yet. For me it was about getting the questions right and really not much else.

If you grew up in the 80’s and 90’s you probably remember the Muppets, and if you remember the Muppets you remember Sam the Eagle. Sam was organized, on task, and never missed a beat. Sam was also gruff, reticent, and short with his words.

Take a guess who was playing Sam the Eagle in the scenario above.

I had not established any kind of connection with the interviewer. I moved from one question to the other with quick-footed steps. My posture was abrasive, and my facial expressions, I am told, were cold and unreadable. My interviewer’s face mirrored this. As the interview went on, I could feel the room getting tenser, the interviewer being more uncomfortable, and me leaving the room afterwards, exhausted.

That whole experience gave me my first lesson in just how important the interview is. Moreover, it magnified my need to prepare better, except where could I start?

Being the team player I was, I also thought about all the other military veterans that were exiting service. I knew the issues I had would be an issue for many of them as well. I wanted to help, but I did not know how.

This was the seed planted that led to Short List. The challenges I faced above are not unique to me, and they are not the only types of interview challenges that veterans face when transitioning. These are the types of challenges that we want to help solve today and with the next generation of veterans.

We’ll help you channel your inner Sam the Eagle to be relatable, memorable, likable…someone like Kermit perhaps. He is the star after all.

Peter originally published this article in July 2017.

For interview coaching services from experienced practitioners, recruiters and career coaches, please contact us at www.teamshortlist.com.