Learning soft skills can help you become a better leader.

Have you ever worked with someone who talks with zero filters? Maybe you inwardly cringe every time they speak up at a meeting. You never know what they will say, and you sometimes wonder how they made this far in their careers. Perhaps they are very good at their job but do not know how to interact well with others. As a result, they get passed up for promotions or other opportunities within the company. I truly believe such a person lacks the social and emotional intelligence skills necessary for success. These skills are often called soft skills, and many organisations have started viewing them as necessary for effective leadership.

Most of us will not become a CEO or a Head of State, but that does not mean we do not have influence or cannot be impactful leaders. Thousands of books have been written about leadership and many different leadership styles, with Servant Leadership and Shared Leadership gaining popularity in recent years. As a leader, I find soft skills crucial to my growth, although they are often overlooked. How a leader communicates their message is as important as what their message is. Recently, we have seen a wave of brash leaders with bad communication skills in political history. We have also seen how much damage the wrong message delivered at the wrong time can do to our countries and communities.

I describe soft skills as the intangible characteristics of emotional intelligence such as communication, negotiation skills, and assertiveness that cannot be quantified but are so obvious when they are not present. Think back to the coworker we discussed at the beginning of the article. We often cannot put our finger on what exactly is missing in their communication styles and mannerisms. However, we are 100% sure that they are lacking something that would make them more likeable. If only they spoke in a softer tone or used kinder language. We wonder why they act so aggressively in pursuing what they want. The good news about soft skills is that they can be taught to anyone, even your annoying coworker.

When I first began to think about coaching and leadership almost a decade ago, I thought I would have nothing to contribute to the topic. I didn't look at myself as a leader or even an expert on what it takes to become one. Like many other people, I believed that the call to leadership was answered only by the brave visionaries who were just beyond our reach. I have since come to see that we are all capable of being leaders in our communities or workplaces. We can each step up and make a difference for those around us. We can learn how to advocate for ourselves and others. We can learn to be assertive and to have critical conversations with success. We can learn the soft skills we need to succeed at communicating. Soft skills often bridge the gap between being a manager and being a good leader. Leaders who lack the emotional intelligence needed to communicate effectively with their teams will struggle to lead well.

A while ago, I had a manager who would talk about my weight in a derogatory way. I was at least 30 kg heavier than I am now and felt so self-conscious about how much space I was taking up. The smaller I tried to make myself, both physically and metaphorically, the more she picked on me. Eventually, I realised that her comments told me more about her as a leader than they did about me and my body. I decided to look at what she was saying objectively and asked myself if there was anything useful I could take from her comments. I admitted it was time to do something about the extra weight hindering me from living my best life. While her message delivery (outbursts and public shaming) lacked emotional intelligence and was deeply unkind, the message itself was valid. I needed to lose weight to improve my declining health. The lesson I have taken from these interactions is how important it is to deliver tough messages with compassion.

In 2019, a Forbes Career article by Adi Gaskell listed Emotional Intelligence (EQ) and Communications amongst the Top 10 skills needed for the future at work. Citing a Udemy analysis, the article stated that technical skills will always be important, but soft skills are now seen as just as crucial to an organisation. The online learning platform compiled this data by assessing which courses organisations purchased for their employees.

As the next step in your leadership evolution, I encourage you to learn more soft skills. Daniel Goleman's seminal book 'Emotional Intelligence is a good start. In addition, there are many articles about soft skills available with a quick google search. Finally, hiring a coach is also a good way to improve your communication skills and self-awareness. As a business coach specialising in teaching and coaching soft skills, I work with teams and individuals to help them leverage their strengths. I believe leaders are not born but made through lifelong learning and a willingness to be vulnerable enough to learn new skills.

Reference

https://www.forbes.com/sites/adigaskell/2019/02/22/what-are-the-top-10-soft-skills-for-the-future-of-work/?sh=44bd846e7f1f