Learning to Smile Again

The process of self-discovery is unique for everyone. What does “self-discovery” even mean? I’m not sure it’s the same thing for everyone, nor should it be. 

The pace at which someone can progress through this will vary. I think it’s important to know that your journey will not look like your best friends, your co-worker or even your professional mentor. 

There is no rule that you must know what your purpose is within a given timeframe. This can be frustrating as so many of the expectations are put on us by the standards of others and what does the world consider to be successful. 

We’re constantly being bombarded with messages of action: do, be, create. If we aren't doing something, we must be a failure. 

What if part of the process of self-discovery is being still and silent to cope with what is in our heart? 

Sometimes silence and stillness is what is needed the most, when we hear the most beautiful sounds from within. With the busyness of the world, the sounds of being active, we miss what our heart is trying to tell us. 

The message and purpose from within is trying so hard to show itself but with the distraction of action, it slowly gets buried under the guise of action and production. 

Busyness can be an addiction and it’s a hard one to admit. It tricks us into feeling like we are moving forward, making progress and getting closer to our goal. 

If you're not careful, it can paralyze self-discovery. It can be a treadmill and keep you in the same place. You're huffing and puffing, breaking a sweat and feeling exhausted yet you're in the same place you have always been; no progress is being made. 

The next thing you know, you’ve succomb to the pressures and expectations of others and your vision and process of self-discovery has been derailed. 

You’re feeling like you’ve failed yourself and your loved ones. You’re feeling like you haven't proven yourself with your actions and you have no results to show off to the world. 

You’re feeling like you will never discover your purpose and feel like giving up. Trust me, I know. I have been there and it’s a lonely place to be. 

It’s easy to look at others that are getting closer to their goal, making progress and to compare ourselves to them. 

As much as I would like to tell you not to do this, you will— it’s part of who we are. We will always compare ourselves with our peers and see how we measure up. 

I used to think this was a bad thing. I now realize it’s just part of the process. As long as we know it will happen and is normal, we can get over it. It can, and most likely will, make you feel uncomfortable and like you are not worthy. It’s at that point that you must realize it’s just part of the process, not a deficiency in you as a person. 

You have expected this to happen and you know its okay to feel this way. Do not let this moment keep you down. Get up, dust yourself off and continue with your journey.

One way to know that you’re headed in the right direction and doing things for yourself and not for what others expect of you, is when you are criticized and it doesn't make you fall apart. 

Will it still hurt when you know someone you respect doesn't approve of your decision or what you're doing? Yes, but it’s no longer debilitating. 

You start to realize that you've chosen a different path and you're content with the route you have chosen. You may even briefly second guess your decision and wonder if you’ve made the right choice. 

However, after a little thought and with the passing of the anxiety and fear of disappointment, there is suddenly an inner peace that you haven't felt before and you know you’re going to be okay.

One of the biggest challenges I face is trying not to disappoint others and caring too much about what others think of me. The feeling of knowing I have disappointed someone or they don't approve of something I’m doing is overwhelming and almost too much to handle at times. I don’t claim to have conquered this challenge just yet. It is my goal to start trying to value my opinion more than I have in the past and to realize that what I say and how I feel is relevant and important. I have many things to offer to this world—we all do. We all have had unique experiences and challenges and we have all handled them differently. Because if this, we all have stories waiting to be told. Your story can be of benefit to someone else even if you think what you have to say doesn't matter or isn't interesting enough to be helpful. I can assure you that it is. 

The hardest part of self-discovery is remaining confident enough in our decisions and to continue to go on the path that we want to go on, not one that someone else has created for us.

The path that we want to take may be rough, unpaved, and difficult to manage. But it’s our path and we must enjoy the journey.