Learning a New ABC

Intro

There are a few main categories of books that I read every year:

?? Books for children, because I read it out loud with them

???? Books of fiction, because reading them is entertaining and fascinating

?????? Books of non-fiction, mostly on business, tech and psychology, to support my growth

?? Books from this community... they connect my love of reading with my mission here!

The last one is rather a new category for me, and one could say it's either fiction or non-fiction. I beg to claim it's still different. For so many reasons, like for example, being able to easily connect with the author and discuss their ideas over a cup of coffee.

This summary here belongs to this latest category: The Alphabet of Belonging, by Aga Sieradzka ?? Experience Belonging , is more than a book. It's a gift I've got from Aga, who gave me the honor to review it here and share it with you.

But hey, that's where the Eduardo-friend stops and the Eduardo-book-reviewer comes in! I know what you wanna know: is this good? what is it about? should I read it?

Let me give you my answers...

The Two-Parts Approach

As you may have been able to guess, the book talks about Belonging. What it is, or what it can be. How it comes to happen. What happens when it doesn't. How it connects life, and how it connects with life. What limits it. What helps it expanding. And so on.

Aga however brought it into life by creating two books in one: first, a research-based book, one that describes a lot of investigation done in that field, supported by other researchers and awarded authors, like Daniel Kahneman, as well as by some interviews done by herself, bringing up real life stories that are closer to us.

Second, a new alphabet. A completely different section that interlinks several different concepts, taking the advantage of the alphabet to organize them, giving a more practical approach on how one could experience belonging or design experiences for others in ways that facilitates or develops it.

Each part can be read or not by the reader without the feeling of missing something, which is something I've found very interesting because it is embracing a broader audience, giving at least three completely different groups of readers a reason to be with this book: learn about something, put something into practice, or doing both.

Before reflecting upon each of the parts, let me invite you like Aga invites their readers: what does belonging mean to you?

To honor her writing and investment, I won't hide or omit myself... this is what belonging means to me:

Belonging is a contextual feeling, something I can experience right now in my life as part of a group but not as part of another; it means, when I feel it, that I am part of something bigger than myself, that yes I feel included but much more than that, that I feel useful, I feel that I am contributing and feel that it does make a positive difference that I exist in such a context. While it is something that I can trigger, I can initiate it, it will hardly survive if the environment is not welcoming to me, if I feel constantly pushed back (which is different from being challenged), and if I feel that I am ignored for reasons other than the quality of my contributions.

Will love to see you sharing your definition!

The Research

What do I want know about a concept? I thought about this question while going through "The Why Behind Belonging" and "Experiencing a Diverse World" and I've felt like I've got all my answers there:

??What is belonging?

With the definitions of several authors, allowing for reflection and discussion of what each means, as well as the definition used by individuals interviewed in different contexts.

??Why is belonging important?

Or why should I even care to read this. With robust research, Aga demonstrates how it links to human social behavior, quickly connecting that with the success of our species and therefore with biological triggers that pull us into belonging experiences and frighten us when we don't experience it.

??What prevents the experience of belonging?

Here it's particularly insightful that the author dedicates time and effort to modern challenges, e.g. extreme polarization, and connects the discussion of belonging with the discussion of diversity and inclusion

??What is the evidence supporting the statements?

And I feel that a bibliography with 118 items is enough to establish that, but I particularly enjoyed knowing much of the bibliography myself, therefore knowing where the author is coming from.

If anything, I feel this section could have been extended further because it is really good. It could have dived deeper into so many topics... but maybe that's exactly why the author didn't do it! Finding the right balance in such a book is truly an art.

The Alphabet

I believe this to be the most "popular" section of the book, because of a few things really help with the reading:

? the organization, because our brains love it

? the diversity of themes, because it makes it interesting

? the "interviews", because it keeps it real

? the exercises/practices, because it connects with action

One must obviously be careful to review that piece though without "revealing too much", so let me share my favorite 3 letters with comments on the reading:

?? B - Bringing Your Whole Self

Here, Aga brings it together by connecting us back with the pandemic experiences, that forced so many of us to acknowledge different roles we play in our lives and put them all back together. The less of "hiding" and the more of "caring" that changed so many relationships, exactly because as a "side effect" it helped so many people truly feel that they belonged.

Humanity comes from the ability to listen and let others feel that they are heard, that their voice matters.        

I absolutely love thought the accountability aspect that the author brings up, and clarifying that the whole self means the "adult, accountable and self-aware self in the service of contribution". Wow. There is so much packed there that is the the root of success I observed in extraordinary leaders!

To wrap up the chapter, the book invites us to notice a frustrating reaction of people we want to connect with, reflect about it, and re-think about how we want to contribute.

???? F - Feel Your Feelings

There is so much in the field of neuroscience that points out the importance of embracing our feelings, and while that includes love, it also includes anxiety, anger or frustration.

Avoiding emotions does not make them go away. What one resists, persists.        

But the good old question is still there: how?

The author them brings up a concept I haven't read about in a lot of time, catharsis. Explaining where it comes from, she then elaborates an exercise that can help others experience some of that, an exercise that I've followed to feel how it would feel even if it comes on top of my meditations & mindfulness practices... and it is effective!

You may also have guessed here why I selected this concept to share: because of how well it connects with the first, the belonging being enabled by bringing the whole self, which can only finally happen if we are capable of feeling our feelings!

?? P - Purpose

Let's wrap up this review with connecting back to the "why". Here, the book make the connection between the purpose and the values and then with our behaviors, well explained through a metaphor:

(...) if we resist eating a delicious cookie (...) we need to be convinced about the why."

I know this is exactly what happens... every time I see a cookie. Or a cake. Or plain chocolate. You got it.

Illustrating it with the story of David Beckham was a great idea as it enables me as a reader to explore it further if I want by following up with the documentary about him, and connections like that spread across the book also contributed so much to the experience of reading it... and to the experience of belonging ??.

One last word about the alphabet, to ensure the reader is not mislead: it does NOT come with any pre-cooked recommendation on how to digest it. There is no readily-available program in the book to deploy the concepts. I would use it for doing things like checking how my team or organization is performing in the context of certain key aspects, taking one or just a few at a time, as I don't see any intention from the author to get people jumping into the entirety of the concepts at once.

If anything, reading this ABC reminding me that belonging is very easy and very hard at the very same time.

Observations

This is definitely a go. Aga's approach to belonging is unique and comprehensive, and that made me extra happy - when I read books from the community, I am always a bit concerned... what if it is bad? How will I tell the person? Well, lucky me, not the case here. More on it :

• Easy of reading: 3 stars. There is a bit of repetition that would be removed in a second or third edition, which slowed me down once or twice. The formatting was sometimes helpful to bring my attention into key themes, but sometimes distracting. Language is very accessible, even more on the second part, and I never felt I had to go deeper into the bibliography if I didn't want to.
• Learning something new: 4 stars. here it is about creating a new concept from a collection of other concepts, which means it's not entirely new, and yet it is! I also felt the book left many pointers for the curious reader to advance and explore on any specific theme, which I so much appreciate.
• Interesting and Engaging: 4 stars. I so much enjoyed the sharing of real people's thoughts and how they connected with the concepts and stories that were shared. When it gets to the alphabet, I wanted to read all of it at once because it was just clicking so fast!

I don't know if you will read this book or not. If you will buy it or not. But let me invite you into something: invest into this community. I'm sure you have some connections who wrote books; who share interesting programs; who have great ideas just waiting for you to open that door.

If you allow yourself to do that, maybe... just maybe... you will be able to experience LinkedIn with a sense of belonging!

When was it the last time you have met with a published author?