Learning To Love My Whole Self, Even The Bizarre Parts

Hours upon hours. That’s how long the episodes of deja vu would last. Bizarre. Deja vu is a common experience. But those “I have been here before” feelings typically last a few seconds or minutes, not hours.

I was raped in 2014. Prior to the attack, I was already susceptible to Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), as a result of living with anxiety and Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD). While I had experienced deja vu prior to the attack, the experiences were infrequent and never lasted more than a few minutes.

After the attack, I started experiencing frequent and severe episodes of deja vu. The episodes lasted for hours.

In the evenings, I would have episodes that lasted from the time I got home through the entire night. Four, five, six hours. For months I would wake up in the middle of the night and feel like I was living the same day all over again. Imagine Groundhog Day, but it was directed by the devil; that was my daily life.

I would call my parents and just cry. I’m quick with my words, so it’s unusual for me to have nothing to say. While I was able to process and talk about being raped rather quickly, I was having a difficult time understanding my mind. I felt as if I was going insane.

Was I going insane?

Continue reading on The Urbal Howl...

***

Caffeinate your inbox (sign up for my newsletter) at CaffeinatedKyle.com.