Learning To Love The Changes In My Body

Our little conversations always carry the weight I wish the eyes would acknowledge. We keep muttering and playing with our words: you are enough but, we can not seem to convince the mind. We grew up a chubby baby for most of our life, sly comments here and there, but that is what was familiar and defined us. As we blossomed, our love grew. The height balanced out weight, whilst the weight balanced out the boobs. We were picture perfect.

A sudden extreme change in our relationship came with an untimely illness that complicated our relationship. I will not deny it. I had and still have difficulties paying attention. It was a stranger, and Mama taught me never to talk to strangers. It was new territory. I felt lost. People always whispered I should lose weight but what "should" have been a dream turned my life into a nightmare.

Even after preparing, many people would still be surprised when the changes crop up.

It was my reality. The changes in our body weight affected the work of hormones in the body. Instead of having peace of mind, the body insecurities spiralled and not having single clothing that fit made it worse. It triggered long sleepless nights, fast kicking self into a survival mood. I intensely devoted most of my energy towards changing our appearance and struggle to feel at peace or enjoy our daily life.

In our journey, we have come to know that I should write a love letter to you. Apologize for neglecting you, and thank you for being a habitat for the mind, heart, and spirit — aspects that drive personality and self-identity, making us the person we are. For a long time, we have let our experience define us.?I now believe what I give you will tailor your beliefs and convictions.

Today I accept the reality: to listen, care, and love you for what you do for me and not your appearance. I choose to face it with love and kindness. It is not easy, but I will look back to the past with appreciation. Look at the present with acceptance. And look at the future with expectancy.