Learning To Listen

Listening is one of the most important skills we can develop, yet the one that many of us consider we do well when we don't at all.

Over the last few years I've been truly working on my listening skills through active listening, further development of my coaching skills, and also through meditation and listening more to my inner critic and my body much more.

@TheChrysalisCrew's Listening Leader workshop is one I developed after a silent meditation retreat combining lots of elements that I'd developed and learned over the years and bringing them together in one workshop.

For those of you that been trained as Mental Health First Aider's, you'll have anticipated in the listening activity where the person next to you pays little or no attention to you and how that makes you feel. Or perhaps you were the person on the workshop who has the 'inner voice' whispering in your ear.

As we continue to be busy at work and at home, not only are our attention spans reducing but so too is our ability to really listen to ourselves and each other. How often do you find yourself talking to someone whilst sending an email or updating a social media profile? Or at home when one of your family is trying to talk to you and you're busy trying to get things finished and promise you'll listen later but you don't?

When we actively listen, we slow down.

The huge decrease in speed and pace and the increase of respect and acknowledgement during a silent meditation day is immense. Whilst waiting in a queue for a bathroom or when making a drink or selecting lunch, there is unspoken respect. You feel the presence of others around you, and acknowledge them in a way that we miss when the noise and business and speed is taking place around us.

What's any of this got to do with the workplace you may be asking?

Today I'm working from home and my intention for the day that I set this morning, was to listen more. And I have been doing. It's a nice day outside, so instead of being tied to my laptop, I've taken all of the reading I need to do and read it in the garden. I listened to what my body and mind needed and took myself outside.

This is a far cry from my days working from home when I was employed. The guilt that would set in, and the expectations that were set about what you should and shouldn't be doing if you worked from home were laden with rules and guidelines and I would feel guilty even going for a loo break in case someone called and I didn't answer or if I didn't instantly respond to an email.

And I'm sorry to say that many of the working from home and flexible working policies create this exact same guilt for your people.

My time in the garden, listening to what I needed has allowed me the headspace to focus on my reading, to be motivated to do the client work that's needed today and I feel more motivated and rested.

And you might think that as I run my own company that this type of freedom is common, but it's not. Because like many of you, most (although not all) of my client work requires me to be inside during the day.

But on days when I can listen to what I need and give myself permission to make that happen, I'm more productive and energised. I don't have the guilt anymore because I trust myself to do what needs doing, and I'm trusted by my team and our clients to do what needs to be done.

And often listening requires trust, doesn't it.

Listening to yourself and your needs means you have to trust yourself and often follow your gut or intuition.

Listening to others creates trust in relationships and there is something amazing about feeling truly heard.

So if we want to create flexibility for our people and we want to build trust, we have to learn to listen. Not just to say we are good listeners, that's a bit like telling people that you're a funny person, but by showing that we listen. If you say you're a listening organisation or that you're a listening leader then your actions need to back this up.

Because if your integrity is questioned, the trust will be lost, and soon there will nobody but yourself to listen to.

Kelly

Author, speaker, coach, rebel and heart-centred people leader, Kelly is changing the world of work and helping HR professionals do things differently and add more value.

Founder and Rulebreaker at The Chrysalis Crew, she rips up the rule book and helps people create what’s best for them, their teams and their organisations – not what’s best for their competitors.

Chrysalis work a four day week, have health days to prevent sick days and their 'handbook' is just 1.5 pages long - so she does what she says on the tin.