Learning to Lean

I have been debating for a while whether or not to share my personal health journey & struggles on this platform. Those who know me personally, are already aware of them, but only a few in my professional life know. My main reason for not sharing was out of fear of what people might think. As time has gone by, however, I have seen a real need for vulnerability, in the workplace & the world in general. Our country is facing a mental health crisis post-COVID and people everywhere are struggling to find balance and ways to manage their well-being. My prayer is that my story will somehow encourage someone else out there who may be trying to balance health issues, their career, and their personal life.

I was diagnosed with Graves disease at the beginning of the COVID pandemic, in April 2021. I was also going through a divorce, packing to move, and had my home up for sale, all at the same time. So needless to say, I had a lot going on in my life! Graves disease is an autoimmune disease that attacks the thyroid and causes hyperthyroidism. The thyroid is the engine that drives the body and mine was stuck on the gas pedal! Graves can be very dangerous if undetected because the person can go into, what is called, a thyroid storm. I had no idea I had this disease. I just knew that something was off with my body and that I wasn't feeling like myself. I constantly complained to my PCP about chronic fatigue and I had other symptoms such as vitamin D deficiency, and trembling of the hands where I couldn't even write or put on makeup. One day, while at work, I was not feeling well and decided to visit an urgent care facility. I was tested for COVID and strep and after both tests came back negative, I broke down in tears. I told the physician that something was wrong. She advised me to go to the UT Southwestern emergency room to be checked. While I was being checked, I happened to mention having difficulty swallowing. It was really only a miracle that a full thyroid panel was done, which included the TSI (thyroid stimulating immunoglobin). The results came back that my TSI was elevated and it was recommended that I follow up with an endocrinologist. They did mention Graves disease, but it was not until a month later when I was finally able to get an appointment with a UTSW endocrinologist, that it was confirmed that I did, indeed, have Graves.

Before this, I had always been a healthy person who had a lot of energy. I was very active as a volunteer for my professional organization, was a single Mom to 2 sons for 8 years, and had a career as an Executive Assistant with a well-known healthcare system in DFW, which also kept me very busy. I was endearingly known as the energizer bunny because I got stuff done. I was also a social butterfly and was the first to participate in any social event. Unfortunately, I didn't realize that I had taken my health for granted all those years.

That diagnosis two years ago, was just the beginning of my journey. Since then, I have been trying to balance having an autoimmune disease, being a mother and grandmother, and my career. We hear all the time that we should keep our personal and work lives separate but it has been near impossible for this not to affect my work life. This disease has caused a lot of brain fog and difficulty concentrating. I catch myself making errors in a profession that I have been working in for over 20 years. This has been hard for someone like me, who is a perfectionist, and who is already hard on themselves. I have learned to triple-check my work and that it is normal, even human, to make mistakes. Most of all, I have learned to give myself some grace. I still deal with chronic fatigue, and joint and muscle pain, and was most recently diagnosed with thyroid eye disease in my right eye. To me, work-life balance does not mean that the two lives should never meet. In fact, I don't believe in work-life balance, instead, I think it should be more of a work + life fit, or how we fit the two together in a way that works for us, personally. It helps to have a support group and people in your life who understand what you are going through and I am beyond grateful that my supervisor has been very supportive and understanding these past two years. I am definitely cared for as a person first, and an employee second, at the company I work for.

This diagnosis also helped to put things into hyperfocus for me and to prioritize what was really important in my life. My areas of focus are now: my faith, my family, and then my career. I recognize that if I am nourished spiritually, I can then be the servant, Mother, grandmother, daughter, sister, friend, coworker, etc. that I need to be. It has also helped me to realize that self-care is important and that I cannot pour from an empty cup if I don't take care of myself first. (I know a lot of us hear this all of the time, too!) I must prioritize rest, healthy eating, and exercise. It has also helped me to be OK with saying no, and understand that when I am saying no, I am also saying yes to prioritizing my rest, or to spending precious time with my granddaughters, or other things that are important to me.

Finally, and most importantly, this whole experience has taught me to lean. It has taught me to lean on Jesus for the grace and strength needed daily to accomplish what God has put me on this earth to accomplish. It has taught me to be willing to be humbled under God's mighty hand, to admit my need for His help, and to recognize that I cannot do this on my own. Then, and only then, have I been able to utilize the God-given talents I have been blessed with to bless and encourage others. It has taught me to have a heart of gratitude for the many blessings I do have and to focus on the good in life, and not the bad. It has given me a heart of compassion for others who have health issues because I now know from personal experience how to pray for them. I understand what it's like to look fine to everyone else on the outside but be anything but fine on the inside. I understand how just taking a shower or dealing with drama can use up all of the energy I may have for the day. I understand the need to protect alone time and not feel the need to be at every social event, like before.

I also recognize that I have a choice about whether or not to allow this disease to define who I am. Instead, I want to learn the lessons that it has been brought into my life to teach me. I want to learn to take my eyes off of myself and instead, focus on the many needs around me. So even on the days I struggle, I still find time to volunteer, and am a Reading Circle Mentor for Refugee Resources to an 11-year-old young lady from Tanzania who encourages me with her beautiful smile and joyful spirit in spite of her life's challenges as a refugee in the U.S. I also continue to volunteer for my professional organization, the International Association of Administrative Professionals (IAAP), as a Branch Director and as the Social Media Chair for the IAAP Texas Louisiana Region, and also for my church.

Anyone who knows me well knows that I love hummingbirds. To me, they represent renewal, joyfulness, transformation, beauty, devotion, and love. These little birds are also respected as fierce fighters. Hummingbirds are also adaptable and are the only bird that can fly backward & upside down. They also never stop beating their wings! When people think of me, I want them to think of this small bird. I want my life story to be a testament to God's faithfulness and how He is a God that can be counted on to get us through anything in life. I want them to know that if I didn't give up, it was not because of me, or because of my strengths, or talents. It was because of Him. The definition of lean is: cause something to rest against. Are you ready to rest in Him?

LEARNING TO LEAN ON JESUS

Learning to lean

Learning to lean

I'm learning to lean on Jesus

Finding more power than I've ever dreamed

I'm learning to lean on Jesus

Learning to lean

Learning to lean

I'm learning to lean on Jesus

Finding more power than I've ever dreamed

I'm learning to lean on Jesus

Sad, broken-hearted, at an altar I knelt

I found peace that was so serene

And all that He asks is a childlike trust

And a heart that is learning to lean

Learning to lean

Learning to lean

I'm learning to lean on Jesus

Finding more power than I've ever dreamed

I'm learning to lean on Jesus

Learning to lean

Learning to lean

I'm learning to lean on Jesus

Finding more power than I've ever dreamed

I'm learning to lean on Jesus

? 2023 Heritage Singers.?

For more information on Graves disease, visit: https://www.thyroid.org/graves-disease/