Learning with Kymaia.

As almost every one of my connections knows, we are bringing up Kymaia, our 7yo daughter, in a slightly different way. You may call it homeschooling or unschooling or alternative education or whatever. The label is unimportant, and even irrelevant when the entire idea is to unstick any labels and undo any attempts at pigeonholing the child. What we are doing, and even more importantly, how we are doing it, what lessons we are learning, and what we are correcting along the way, is an interesting story in itself.

What do we expect at the end of this journey? What every parent wants for their child: A healthy, active, curious, open-minded, empathetic, self-contained, contented, but sceptical & rationally questioning adult who has a well-balanced emotional and physical response to the environment, situations, and happenings around them, with a real-world expectation from relationships, both personal and professional, and an interesting, eventful, but fulfilling life that when they look back, they can feel happy (and lucky) to have led. In short: A happy adult.

Are we shooting for the stars? For sure. This kind of life, if it is even possible to be able to construct by design from childhood, is the ideal we are shooting for. Will it happen? Well, not 100%. But even if we can get close, it will be worth it. Indeed, as the meme-worthy quote goes: 'Being happy is hard. Being unhappy is hard. Choose your hard.' So, we have chosen to try our best and see what happens if we were to mould a happy child into a happy adult with as light a touch as is practically possible.

Why do we think we have the right to do that, you ask? Aren't we imposing our standards on the child and putting it under pressure to 'perform' to our expectations? Good questions. Let me take them one by one. All parents impose their standards on their children. Even the most liberal. And the most conservative. Just because the standards are different does not mean one of them is being any less hypocritical. Tell me: Do you prefer to send yours to school? Or not? Accept a certain religion? Or not? Eat a certain diet? Or not? Wear certain clothes? Sleep at a certain time and awaken at a certain one? Watch only so much screen and no more? Read this book and avoid that? Behave in society in a certain manner? Well then, you are imposing your standards, whatever they may be. I say, good for you. And, hopefully, the child. Currently, there is no other better method to raise a child with a set of parents but for them to decide what is good or bad for their child (until the age of consent, when the child becomes an adult), and then hope they guessed right. Of course, there is data, there is science, there are various studies and cases available that can settle some of the above questions one way or the other. But here is my contention: We aren't doing anything that has not already been proven to have a better chance at raising a happy adult than any other way. So, your guess (when you decide what and where your child should study) is as good as ours (where we decide where she should not study). Indeed, this is much like atheism. You believe in all but one God of all the thousands of Gods available to you. Atheists just believe in one less than you. Ditto schooling. You believe that your child will have a much better shot at a happier life with this school or that board, while eschewing the other dozens of options that are available. We just believe in one less school/board. Let us leave it at that for the time being.

As for whether our expectation for the child to meet certain standards and hence, perform, puts unnecessary pressure on the child, this is an open question. We have designed our schedule and structure in such a way as to put the least amount of pressure on Kymaia. And we strive to make sure that we look back and check periodically that we are not doing the opposite. Sometimes, we get it right. Sometimes, not. All I can say is that we are no better or worse off than any other parent whose intentions are in the right place.

If you are interested in following Kymaia's (and our) journey in this uncharted territory, you may find it all chronicled on my blog under the tag 'Learning With Kymaia'. There are almost 100 posts, so you may have to scroll and click on 'Older Posts' and so on a bit to get to the first one in the series. But FWIW, here is our story. Come, join us. It'll be fun, I promise.

P.S: If you want to get in touch with me, message me and I shall reach out. Your suggestions and advice, while precious to us, will be taken at our discretion but without prejudice. That said, I suggest you go easy on the moral lecturing if possible (why do I say this? Because you'd be surprised at the number of well-meaning 'well-wishers' who are bent on imposing their will on my child via their views, which they find alarming that I do not accept and implement with alacrity deserving of these 'suggestions'), but feel free to tell me what you feel about the various posts I share and if there indeed is something we could do better from either an empirical point of view or even from an anecdotal one. Also, do ask me anything you want to know if you are, or are considering, homeschooling your child. I would love to help with whatever I have.