Learning How to Say No

Do you ever say Yes when you really feel like saying No? Do you ever find yourself agreeing to something when your thoughts are thinking the exact opposite? Don’t worry. You’re not alone. It happens in many different circumstances and it seems to happen all the time. Especially when people feel the need for approval. We want to appear to be friendly and co-operative and this is one of the social devices we turn to. We nod and we say Yes, regardless of what we’re really thinking and feeling. But is this really helpful for our personal growth and development?

As social creatures, we feel an instinctive need to be part of the group, to be accepted by the people around us. It’s an evolutionary trait that encouraged mutual support and group co-operation. As a survival mechanism, it helped us to thrive in the face of countless difficulties. We obviously prosper when we offer and enjoy support within a social grouping.

In addition to the need for approval, most people are also inhibited by an abiding fear of rejection. Whilst we crave acceptance from others, we strenuously avoid situations where we might face the pain of being rejected. These constraints can deeply influence our behaviour and prompt us to act in ways that are not always compatible with our needs and aspirations.

Half of the troubles of this life can be traced to saying yes too quickly

and not saying no soon enough.

-??????Josh Billings

These intriguing aspects of human dynamics can serve as a very helpful reminder that each of us has a range of needs that absolutely deserve to be nurtured and respected. And the starting point for this adventure in self-expression is to recognise the extraordinary value of self-acceptance.

In many ways, there really is no substitute for this shift in attitude. When you learn to accept yourself completely and unconditionally, you’ll free yourself from the highly-addictive habit of seeking acceptance from others. It’s a major turning point in the quest for self-fulfillment and it provides a solid foundation for further growth and personal development. Like all virtues, it requires daily practice and a degree of self-awareness, but the benefits can deliver extraordinary results across all areas of your life.

If you’re feeling excited about launching your own personal revolution in the cause of independence and authenticity, a great place to start is in your willingness to say No whenever the occasion demands.

Let today mark a new beginning for you. Give yourself permission to say NO without feeling guilty, mean, or selfish.?Anybody who gets upset or expects you to say yes all of the time clearly doesn’t have your best interest at heart. Always remember: You have a right to say no without having to explain yourself. Be at peace with your decisions

-??????Stephanie Lahart

At first, this new behaviour might not be easy or comfortable, either for you or for others. Let’s bear in mind that it represents a major break in the old addiction for acceptance. You might notice that the people around you appear a little confused by your change in attitude. But don’t let this deter you. People will soon adapt to your new way of expressing yourself and you’ll feel deeply empowered by the feelings of independence and personal freedom. There is nothing remotely aggressive or antagonistic in this new behaviour. You’re granting yourself the freedom to say Yes or No according to your inclinations. Whether you receive approval from others is no longer relevant. You can choose your response according to your personal framework of reference and your self-approval levels don’t change.

When you learn to accept yourself - and honestly acknowledge the long list of imperfections that make each of us human – you no longer feel the need to pretend to be perfect. You can accept yourself as you are, knowing that there will always be areas to work on, and free yourself from the sting of personal rejection. It’s a truly liberating asset to cultivate and you will awaken yourself to the exhilarating freedom to try new things, to explore new relationships and develop new opportunities.

The oldest, shortest words – ‘yes’ and ‘no’ – are those which require the most thought.????

- Pythagoras

And there’s more. Learning to say No can help you to manage your time and your energy more efficiently. You can assess your priorities without feeling the need to compromise. You can allocate your resources according to what’s really relevant to your goals and to your responsibilities to yourself. This is not a philosophy of selfishness. It’s a bold attempt to balance your needs and free you from a potentially harmful habit that diverts your time, energy and attention away from your real priorities.

When you say yes to others, make sure you are not saying no to yourself.

-??????Paulo?Coelho

Learning to say No is a very significant step on the pathway to personal freedom. If you notice that someone responds to your No by trying to make you feel guilty or withdraws their approval, these are very clear signals that they might not have your best interests at heart. When you receive all the approval you will ever need from yourself, you will be free to appreciate other people’s acceptance when it’s offered. But you won’t be dependent on it. Consider that for a moment. There’s a world of difference between being free to appreciate being appreciated - and being addicted to other people’s approval.

You have to decide what your highest priorities are and have the courage?pleasantly, smilingly, and non-apologetically – to say no to other things. And the way to do that is by having a bigger yes burning inside.

-??????Stephen Covey

Are you ready right now for a completely fresh approach to life’s great adventure? Get in touch with us today for a free session to discover how the growing global movement for personal growth, success, change and empowerment can enhance your life!

Greg Parry created The Wellness Foundation and the Cognitive Empowerment Programs specifically to help people master their stress, overcome their limitations and explore the power of their true potential.

If you enjoy these blogs, you can imagine how much fun it is to have Greg in the room or online as an inspirational and highly perceptive speaker. If you’d like to invite Greg to talk to your company or organisation or event, feel free to get in touch.

You can contact Greg and explore our websites at:

www.thewellnessfoundation.eu

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