Learning to be happy as an Actress/Puppeteer MUA in LA, finding Tory Burch, finding yourself

Something I know about acting:

Its not much but it made a big impact on me so I'm guessing it might be possible for it to create a little shift in someone else.

Hatred. I want the world's hatred.

I used to want to be loved. I clung to it and I'm embarrassed to say, I really held on tooth and nail. I never spent time with the people I felt criticism from and I spent all my time with the people who I felt either nurtured me or at least let me be.

I would take feedback temporarily if it resonated with me. I would even consider it long term if I felt it beneficial, however, I would break under severe verbal abuse or aggressive suggestions for change. I would utterly collapse into depression or rage if someone broke me down because my belief that GD doesn't make mistakes and in his authority caused me to believe that when people said I was fat or too brunette or too undersdressed they were insulting all of nature's intelligence. Not that I was perfect but that I was good and that it was more important because of all the evil and injustice in the world. When complimented by the additional choosing of "my better" in the form of someone highly commercial but low on ethics or intelligence or good nature, my rage would just double. So what, you found the vase at the 99cent store painted like a fabrige egg and I'm a second hand, gifted bacarat crystal bowl? Go (enter explitives here)!

I really waited around waiting for those people to regret that 99 cent purchase when they discovered that the crystal bowl was worth a small fortune and that was one of the saddest times of my whole life. Craving the love of idiots. That should probably be in the subtitle to this article. I may actually have been the dumb one.

Recently I retreated to the safety of one of my first loves: design.

I've been studying it since I was a small child when my mother went to get her hair cut and the stylist told my mother she had a client who was an elderly artist that was alone and needed company and was giving art lessons to children at little to no cost. My brother and I went for lessons. He lasted about a month. I was still going well into high school. She taught me perspective, drawing, sculpture, fine arts, painting, wire work, and my first unsolicited offer for my artwork to be purchased came from a client visiting her studio. I was 16.

I never really gave it up and even in my 20's when I was applying for grants and traveling abroad to study puppetry (which I did in 13 countries on scholarships), I always applied to the program that would allow me to study and take the next step as a designer. If I learned in Italy to carve wood I wanted to go to Prague to study joint making. After joint making I wanted to go to Germany to learn to make the jointing out of metal. After metal joints I wanted to go to France to learn why they still did not perform as I had intended. After France I wanted to live in France for another year...

All of this to understand why certain objects performed with nature's profound intelligence. To be that. To live inside of it, even if it meant being alone. That was the relationship I wanted. Quantum Space. Light.

So I found my way once I moved to LA to Rodeo Drive, mainly because the cobble streets and small roads with bright lighting and beautiful trees reminds me of France, Germany, and Italy. I happened upon fashion, I happened upon it again and again, until I happened upon Tory Burch, eventually happening upon her website (which is so comprehensive it is sickening).

Thatis where I found her home care guide, collaboration with Dodie Thayer, and stemware.

https://www.toryburch.com/lettuce-ware-cup-saucer--set-of-2/11157313.html?cgid=home-view-all&start=5&dwvar_11157313_color=302

And I just kept repeating to her in my head, "I hate you. Oh my GD I hate you. I hate you. Gasp! I hate you!

I also called her names.

And at first, I was a little ashamed of myself.

And then, I saw this video.

https://youtu.be/zFVxX3RtyhQ

And shortly thereafter, I went back to TB's website (that's when I saw she had a home care guide and wanted to spear her and mount her torso over my imaginary fire place, you know, like those mermaids that come out of the front of pirate ships) and started calling her names again.

And I had a moment of realization and went back and watched the video.

https://youtu.be/zFVxX3RtyhQ

What I had was the human expression of respect and admiration for a peer at the highest level.

Because I wish I had done it myself.

"I wish I had invented blue jeans: the most spectacular, the most practical, the most relaxed and nonchalant. They have expression, modesty, sex appeal, simplicity—all I hope for in my clothes. —Yves Saint Laurent

The plates are 88 bucks. I can buy one. To throw against the wall and watch it shatter. While I drink a beer. From the bottle. And spit. Ok, no spitting.

I don't want to own the reproduction. I wanted to create the original.

And this was my issue with the haters who rejected me for people who were either my students, previous collaborators, younger than me and coming to me for advice and yet hired by the directors I was working with. They were cheap reproductions. I was and am still the original. None of them write material. None of them costume or direct or produce or edit or sing or dance. I was a triple threat! They were skinnier. Or Blonde. Or wore expensive, revealing clothes. My motto followed Oscar winners and movie stars:

"A woman's dress should be a like a barbed-wire fence: serving its purpose without obstructing the view." —Sophia Loren

"Your dresses should be tight enough to show you're a woman and loose enough to show you're a lady." —Edith Head

So naturally, when I found out I lost the role to the girl sleeping around after recently being married because the director saw her buck naked photo on the internet, I kind of lost my cool. For like, a year.

And don't get me wrong, I get hated on daily, but at this point, I take it all as highly prized, valuable information. Sure, it is super frustrating. But I'd rather be hated.

After so much heartache, recounting the injustice of being thrown off a cheap, poorly cowritten, not yet in production, millions already in the toilet, indie feature film about strippers, staring not a single A list actor, ending in a rape scene- I am literally counting my lucky stars for prayers unanswered. Imagine- I could have starred in the strippers getting raped film! This on the heels of the director's last strippers getting raped film (now longer and in 3-D)! Maybe it will be really successful and he'll make a sequel. Then someone can star in the trifecta of strippers getting raped film series. Do I want to be attached to that? Do I want that relationship? At its highest level of possible success- NO.

But the rejection hurt me because it didn't make sense. What did that actress offer off set that I did not? I am so talented. I am so affordable. I work so hard. Her secret? Blowjobs.

https://memecrunch.com/meme/5AOVZ/trying-to-understand-the-behavior-of-some-people-is-like-trying-to-smell-the-number-9

Long after I gave up educating the people who rejected me- I found real passion in finding the people I can hate on all day long, my betters.

I love focusing on them instead.

They deserve my energy.

And my focus.

Because maybe one day I can meet Tory Burch in a bar in Beverly Hills and either buy her a martini or throw one in her face, depending on my mood that day.

No one can buy me now.

I don't want the plate.

I want to be the plate maker.

I don't want the stemware.

I want to be the stemware maker.

GD help me- I'm not even going to read that home care guide. I'm far too indignant.

And in about a year- I hope I never think about another "lost" role or audition ever again because too many girls in Hollywood are randomly throwing martinis in my face and so I've had to hire bodyguards.

I don't know what Tory Burch went through to become who she is, and I can't decide if I want to be best friends or never meet at all so my dreams of her as a likeable hero of design can never be shattered, but I will say this:

Tory, there is an actress who wants to meet you at a bar in Beverly Hills. Don't wear the new coat- it might get wet. Wear the rain boots with your epic logo on the side, you (enter explitives here).

Just kidding, I'm buying lunch. What are you eating? A salad. You would, you, (enter explitives here).

Ok, back to planning my new headshots...

About the author:

Yvette Edery has never given up on her art and has always had her family's support for her education, travel and skills. Recently she wrote three feature films; a Shakespeare adaptation, and two original scripts about true love and heroism. She went on her first audition at the age of four, starred in her first international circus production at eight, went on her first television audition at twelve, starred in her first musical at sixteen; was given a three year exclusive contract with Abrams Artists Agency at 21, and began a 13 country world tour as a paid performer at 25. Since then she has directed, produced, and designed all the films she acts in and was named 1 in 6 female filmmakers to watch by Indiewire Magazine after winning film festivals internationally. She has also taught at Tisch NYU, Princeton University, and EI Hollywood. She is shopping for an agent and a manager on the West Coast she would like to give 10% of her annual earnings to in exchange for hire. It should be a good investment- someone she wants to throw a martini at.