Learning from What Works, Too: Can We Talk About the “Good Cops”?

Almost a decade ago, I attended a training to learn the LEAP* process (Listen, Empathize, Agree, Partner) so that I could better teach it to others when teaching a NAMI Family-to-Family class. My fellow trainees included social workers, counselors, other family members of someone with mental illness - and a number of police officers.

The police officers were there to learn more about de-escalating crises when called in cases of psychotic breaks, situations that can quickly get worse if handled with force and fear- and just as quickly get calmer if handled with empathy and skill.

As we were nearing the end of the two-day training, the police shared that some of their colleagues looked down at this training - and the CIT (Crisis Intervention Team) courses they had previously taken. When the CIT-trained officers arrived on scene, they’d hear these less-empathic cops remark, “Oh, jeez, here come the touchy-feely guys.”

Touchy-feely? Really?

Listen - my son (who has schizophrenia) has been lucky enough to be at the hands of the “touchy-feely” cops (men and women, “guys” used in the generic sense) many times - eight of them in a state of psychosis bad enough to land him in a psychiatric hospital. We’re so grateful Ben is not violent - but if treated with the kind of force George Floyd experienced, who knows?

The “good cops” are out there. They protect us, they respect us, they kneel with protesters, they apologize to a psychotic teenager - and his family - for having to use handcuffs and explain that it’s “because then the hospital has to honor a 72-hour hold.” They put their lives on the line every day.

My son’s experience with these CIT-trained “touchy-feely” types was as positive as possible, under the circumstances.

Yes, we are white. Not upper-class white - and my son’s disheveled appearance was not one to inspire trust and empathy, believe me - but maybe we would have had a worse outcome if we were of color. I acknowledge that. But I also think that there are many police officers whose hearts, and training, are in the right place.

For several years, I was involved as emcee in fundraising events for Neighbor’s Link**, an initiative in a town in New York State, where the police are highly involved in the mission to “strengthen the whole community through the healthy integration of immigrants.” 

Yes, there are so many “good cops” - and so many bad ones too.

We desperately need change. Black lives matter. The inequality must be addressed. We need to do better - much better. We need to stop judging based on appearance alone - and our own prejudices.

All I would add is this:

When things need to change, start with what’s right. Look at what is working - and you’ll have a head start on the reforms that must, must happen. Let’s take notice of the police officers who do the profession proud, ask for their input, appreciate them - and put their ideas to work.

about the author: Randye Kaye is an actress/author/speaker/broadcaster, with a passion for the value and power of gathering together in KINSHIP. Her websites are randyekaye.com and powerofkinship.com

*LEAP? (Listen-Empathize-Agree-Partner) is an evidence-based approach that shows you how to quickly gain the trust of someone you are at odds with.

** The Neighbors Link mission is to strengthen the whole community through the healthy integration of immigrants. Our mission is achieved by filling a service gap for new immigrant families, offering education and empowerment programs, involving longer-term residents in volunteer opportunities and creating substantive partnerships with other local organizations. Our strategies to educate, empower and employ families include a Worker Center, English as a Second Language (ESL) education, legal services and advocacy, workforce development, parent education, early childhood programs and academic support for school-age children of immigrants.