Learning from setbacks

How many times have hit setbacks in your life? And what do you define as a setback? Lost finances. Missed promotions. Lack of recognition. Physical exhaustion. Losing your license. Mental fatigue. 200 days of lock-down.

Setbacks come in many different forms and based on the mindset and approach of the individual, often dictate the extent of impact they can have. Personally, key setbacks in my life have included;

• Being made redundant during COVID because ‘that’s just how it is’
• Having a mental breakdown
• Almost losing my wife during childbirth
• Losing an uncle to cancer
• Coming bottom on the selection board for promotion to Major (I was top 10% of my cohort yet bottom of the top still hurt)

The range of my own setbacks vary dramatically in terms of the pain they caused, impact they had and lessons I did (or didn’t) learn. Setbacks can come in many different guises for all of us, some hit harder than others; all can stop us short; sometimes we choose to fall because of them; other times we rise despite them.

This week I watched a mate and former colleague Micky Yule smash it out the park when he won Bronze in the men’s heavyweight Para powerlifting. Winning a commonwealth games medal is an outstanding achievement. Bench pressing 192kg is an outstanding achievement. Overcoming the trauma of stepping on an Improvised Explosive Device (IED) in Afghanistan, losing both legs and enduring a shattered pelvis and fractured arm is an outstanding achievement. Doing all three of those things is legendary.

Source: Birmingham Commonwealth Games 2022 news

Micky is not alone in his achievements. Looking at the veteran community alone I know scores of men and women who have overcome herculean odds to achieve mind-blowing things (my sons godfather Martin Hewitt is another such individual). I also encounter numerous high performing and high achieving people through coaching executives, first responders and working with charities. People who have faced financial ruin and come back from the edge, people who have over physical and/or mental abuse as children (or adults), people who have had to fight against the challenging cultural expectations their backgrounds force upon them.

In chatting to some of these people and reflecting on my own setbacks and successes, I have summarised a few points to be aware of when you hit your next setback:

• Choose your reaction wisely – every situation and outcome you encounter is dictated more by your reaction than by the situation itself.
• Be positive in your outlook – I am annoyingly positive (see previous article) and its both infectious (attracting likeminded people) and means every obstacle I encounter gets reassessed as an opportunity?
• Accept constructive feedback – every day is a chance to learn and grow, and who better to provide that chance than those who interact with you? Listen, learn then act
• Take accountability – you are the only person who can improve your own behaviour, when you are to blame, own it and fix it

In 2015 I was working with a group of refugee school children in Brisbane. Two of the boys I met had attended a school in Afghanistan our bomb disposal team had cleared in 2008. After our departure from the area the Taliban had eventual destroyed the school forcing the boys to flee the country, starting a 6-year journey that saw them eventually end up in Australia, speaking several languages (they had to learn along the way) and forecast to receive high school grades despite English being their third language.

The US Navy Seals subscribe to a mindset of ‘The only easy day was yesterday’. Even if our daily lives are not spent serving as part of an elite special forces unit, it is worth remembering that things will not always be easy and there will be setbacks.

So stop staling and start learning.