Learning from Reflection

Powerful perspective comes from seeing life as chapters in review.

Reflecting, finding insights and patterns from the past, and turning them into lessons for the future has become one of my most important muscles and most valued practices. 

Whether it’s the holidays, time off, major life changes, or the end of the year, we reflect mostly (or only) when prompted. Having a proactive process to reflect in addition to those natural prompts has been foundational to my business success, leadership approach, intimate relationships, and personal growth. Otherwise, we tend to see things through the lens of the “How it started//How it’s going” meme, just a leap from where we were to where we are, leaving us ripe for painful repeats and missed opportunities. 

I’m freakishly passionate about learning and equally about growth and progress. So much so, this is my mantra (and my pinned tweet if you want to revisit).

Don’t forget where you came from, but don’t you dare ever let it solely define you. Your truth is in your roots, but your past is not your anchor.

In order to honor this mantra and continue to grow from and beyond my past, I put a practice in place to be sure I regularly see the lessons in my own history. When paired with lessons from other sources, the learning is actionable and powerful.

I follow a weekly process to envision someone else in my shoes as part of seeking to improve a little each week. I’ve shared this entire process in a previous post The Hotshot Rule.

My husband and I also do a monthly check-in to reflect on the last 30 days and ask each other questions to help us be better for each other. I overview that process in this post Checking In.

When I hit a major milestone or a natural end to a period of time, I also reflect alone, and more deeply. Now that I’m wrapping up my 10-year chapter at Focus Brands, it’s the perfect opportunity for one of those reflection exercises. 

In the hopes that you or someone you know may identify with a moment or lesson in these chapters or that the act of reading this may contribute to your own process, I’m sharing the process and my reflection highlights in a longer form than my usual posts. I hope it is worth a bit more invested time as you wrap up your year and prepare for the next steps in your journey. 

The Process

First, I pause to think and see things through the frame of major milestones and what I was navigating or dealing with at the time. If it feels overly positive, I find something challenging happening at the same time, and if it was overly challenging, I find something positive. Both almost always exist if the time frame is broad enough. 

Next, I think deeper about enablers, detractors, dynamics, emotions, and more. Without those things, we give ourselves too much credit for the good and too much blame for the bad. 

Finally, I don’t over analyze, but rather take notes for later review as one piece. The review of these notes helps me keep things in perspective, have gratitude, and build a continued drive to grow. 

Reflecting is a critical part of optimizing outcomes and growing as a person. It doesn’t take long, and generally, I spend far more time in the present and working toward the future. If I had to guess how my mind-time is spent, although it varies based on what’s going on, it’s likely a 5/80/15 ratio past/present & near term/farther future. This process and the linked article below are peeks into the 5% looking in the rearview mirror. 

Each decade-long section of life seems to be a distinct book with clear sections to provide learning. The last 10 years I have been at Focus Brands is no different, an interesting edition with specific chapters and key lessons. I don’t want to miss learning from my own life, and not just the things I learn while living in real-time, but also the lessons revealed by reflecting. So it’s time to look back and learn. 

Upon reflection...

10 years is a long time and certainly can’t be boiled down to a blog post with many nuances preserved, but the key moments shared in the link below provide some insight and learning from this practice of looking back, making notes, and absorbing the education. 

Many people talk about their career journeys, but not often enough do we hear what it was really like with challenges, emotions, and some of the personal events happening at the same time. I have learned to appreciate the whole journey and how personal and professional are sometimes at complete odds, while other times they are in harmony.

The Last 10 Years - my focus for this reflection exercise

For my Focus Brands era, I’m fortunate to have video, interviews, and articles from the high points of the journey you'll see in the article linked below. Even with that, I wish I had taken more pictures at home and at work. I hope you remember to highlight your journey now, even if just to look back and celebrate the beauty in every-day moments.

The link below is to a newsletter I share a few times a month with lessons, tips on navigating change, optimizing outcomes, leadership tips, and more. In this deep, reflective dive, I share experiences ranging from promotions to business turnarounds, to marriages, miscarriages, thee. birth of my children, growth from acquisitions, and more. And I highlight the themes and lessons I learn from looking back. We should look at life as a complete picture, not just positives, and highlights and not solely struggles and challenges. The whole of our lives provides the richest learning and perspective.

Click here for the full deep dive: Newsletter Link: Learning from Reflection

As you wrap up your year, I hope seeing these milestones and the process at work helps you no matter where you are on your journey.

Post-reflection. Applying it to the present and future

There are many patterns I’ve identified through my reflections like this, and one of them is to have the courage to do the right things, for the right reasons, and generally at just the right time - and that time is simply when it feels right to me. 

Through these reflections, I’m reminded to prioritize family, health, energy management, values alignment, and ensuring my teams are as strong and well taken care of as possible. I’m also reminded that at the beginning of another 10-year chapter that I can’t possibly know the things ahead. But I know the direction I’m headed. I follow a compass, not a road map. 

I trust myself. I trust the relationships I have built. I’ve learned to de-risk risk, but still to take risks, keep things in perspective, and be sure those I love most always know it. They will be there for me, and I will prioritize being there for them. Given the foundation of these lessons and many more from other sources, I couldn’t be more excited about or ready for the future. 

I’m pumped for the known parts: board and advisory roles, more investing activity, speaking, working on my book, and generally helping others along with great flexibility and time with my family. AND I’m pumped for the unknown: Will I go run another huge company? Will I start a fund? Will I be a part of a founding team of a high-impact startup or go deep into more humanitarian work? Likely yes to all these things in some way. 

I will revisit this reflection from time to time. I trust that I carry these lessons with me to every new decision I make, every new challenge that I, my family, friends, or companies may face, and to every new opportunity that comes my way. 

These next 10 years will provide just as much learning and excitement as the last - sure to have ups and downs, scares and wins, but still trending up and to the right. And it’s only the beginning. And I hope you know, wherever you are, it’s only the beginning of this next chapter for you. Reflect on your past, and apply the lessons to the present and future. 

I recently saw a quote that went something like this:

“I trust this next chapter because I know the author.” 

Onward!