Learning to Forgive | #MyFridayStory No. 346
Forgiving someone for a transgression against you takes exceptional courage and compassion. To forgive without seeking retribution—showing undeserved mercy to a wrongdoer—borders on holiness. When we have been hurt or betrayed, our instinct is often to seek revenge. The wrongdoer must know what they’ve done wrong, and they must pay for their actions. Otherwise, how will "they" learn?
However, when someone shows mercy towards you, they aren’t interested in seeking justice. Their motive is to quell the current and future hurt, anger, and hostility, allowing healing and understanding to emerge.
Father Richard Rohr from The Centre for Action and Contemplation (CAC) reflects on how quickly we tend to transmit our pain to others:
“When we read today’s news, we realize the pattern hasn’t changed much throughout history. Hating, fearing, or diminishing someone else holds us together. Scapegoating, or the creation of victims, is in our hard wiring. When seeking power, human nature wants either to play the victim or create victims of others. The second follows from the first. Once we start feeling sorry for ourselves, we will soon find someone else to blame, accuse, or attack—and with impunity! It settles the dust quickly and takes away any immediate shame, guilt, or anxiety. In other words, it works—at least for a while.”
“Human beings have found a most effective way to legitimate their instinct toward fear and hatred. They imagine they are fearing and hating on behalf of something holy and noble: God, religion, truth, morality, their children, or love of country. It takes away all guilt, and one can even think of oneself as representing the moral high ground or being responsible and prudent as a result. It never occurs to most people that they are becoming what they fear and hate.”
Here’s the thing: if forgiveness is such a difficult action, and seeking justice is so prevalent, how will we ever end the hatred that goes along with it? The pursuit of justice, in this case, perpetuates the desire for revenge, creating a never-ending cycle of hatred. When we see life as “an eye for an eye,” it negates the further teachings of Jesus:
“When someone takes the shirt off your back, give them your coat too.”
“If someone slaps you on the right cheek, turn the other cheek.”
“When you’re forced to carry someone's load for one mile, carry it for two.”
“Love your enemy.”
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Being forgiving—completely forgiving and forgetting—is not a natural response to an injustice done to you. The knee-jerk reaction is to lash out and get even. But deciding to always try to act in a forgiving and merciful way helps overcome the initial resistance and builds momentum. Eventually, being kind, generous, merciful, and wholeheartedly forgiving will become a habit, replacing the instinct to search for a victim or scapegoat.
Showing mercy to an enemy and not seeking revenge tilts the scales towards "good." We are all someone’s enemy, and we all have enemies of our own. Life is like that, regardless of how "nice" you have been or would like to be. Some enemies you don’t even know about; others have been enemies for years, but you’ve never found the courage to forgive them.
Conflicts like those in Israel and Ukraine are prevalent in our news and psyche today. The need to end the hostility is urgent. Imagine Israeli forces giving up their weapons and instead washing the feet of the terrorists from Hamas, the Palestinian Islamic Jihad (PIJ), and other organisations. Or what if President Volodymyr Zelenskyy of Ukraine instructed his troops to lay down their arms and rather hug and embrace their Russian attackers? Does this sound too much like a fairy tale, something that will never happen?
It is only when we stop the hate and replace it with love that spreads not only to our friends, family, and people like us but more importantly, to people unlike us—those not in our group or tribe, not our "cup of tea," or not our favourite person. Showing love, care, kindness, generosity, mercy, and forgiveness to even the most undeserving of characters creates the space where the lion and the lamb will one day lie together peacefully.
Have a great weekend and please remember to be generous! ??
As always, thanks for reading. ??
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Director at BusiThole Investments
2 个月If you've acted or done something and later (after possible damages) realizes how wrong you were (in doing that) & see the IMPORTANCE of seeking forgiveness ...? If the answer is yes then you can forgive others READILY (if they ask for). That feeling of seeking forgiveness is the PERSONAL "university" of forgiving others. It's also coinciding with "forgive others to be forgiven by the Almighty". A common ground btn wrongdoers & affected party is their common understanding of HOW the act should be considered WRONG & why it should NOT be repeated. I guess the best feeling ever is of peace and progress not revenge & vicious cycles of violence ??
Insightful
Seasoned Leadership Professional, with Food Service,.Automotive and Plastics sector exposure. Transferrable skillset
2 个月Great post Frans!
Still trying to enjoy an Early Retirement in this Crazy World !!!!!
2 个月Beautiful Thoughts ??
The best is yet to come.
2 个月Thought provoking share today, "human nature either plays the victim or creates victims in others". Love is the only answer.