Learning Not To Dwell
A Grand Slam title in tennis refers to winning one of the four major tournaments in the sport: The Australian Open, The French Open, The Wimbledon and The US Open. I guess, in a way, it’s much like golf. Except, as you know, the majors are The Open, the US Open, the PGA Championship and The Masters.
Winning all four Grand Slam tournaments in a single year is called a Calendar Grand Slam, which is one of the rarest achievements in tennis. (There are only 2 men and 3 women that’s accomplished that so far in history. Winning all four over the course of a career is called a Career Grand Slam. Which is also a crazy accomplishment,?
Roger Federer won 20 Grand Slam titles in his career…meaning, he has won all four, twenty times. placing him among the most successful players in tennis history. His consistency across different surfaces and his ability to perform under pressure made him one of the most dominant figures in the sport.
Beyond his on-court achievements, Federer has made significant contributions to the sport and society. He established the Roger Federer Foundation, which focuses on improving education for children in Africa and Switzerland. His philanthropic efforts and global influence have solidified his status as a role model and ambassador for tennis.
So what? Why are we talking about tennis so much?
Well, in his 2024 speech at Dartmouth College, Federer talked about something that piqued my interest…me, who has never played tennis competitively before, and me, who had to look up what a grand slam was. I thought it had to do with pancakes from the Denny’s menu.?
You know what Federer talked about? He talked about how he won 80 percentage of his matches in his career. That makes sense, that’s how he became so well revered and known. But, he said something interesting, he asked, out of all those matches I’ve won, do you know what percentage of the points I won of those matches? Only 54%.
This means that even though Federer won the majority of his matches, he barely won more than half of the total points he played. In other words, he lost 46% of the points in those matches yet still managed to come out victorious overall.?
Isn’t that interesting? Especially when you put it into the context of golf. Winning doesn’t require perfection. Even the best players in the world hit it in the water, or out of bounds, or get bogeys, and sometimes, double bogeys…but what sets them apart is their ability to not dwell, but to stay focused, adapt, and perform when it matters most.?
Resilience—how to bounce back from tough moments and keep moving forward. That’s exactly what this episode is going to be about: not letting a bad shot ruin your game or your mindset. Federer’s career is full of examples of how to stay focused, let go of mistakes, and keep striving for greatness. He’s the perfect example of why it’s so important to move on and focus on the next shot.
So, what did you think about the Player’s Championship this weekend? Did you get to watch it? The 17th hole at TPC Sawgrass, famously known as the "Island Green," is one of the most iconic and treacherous holes in all of golf, especially during The Players Championship.?
This par-3 hole is relatively short, typically playing around 137 yards, but what makes it so challenging—and nerve-wracking—is that the entire green is surrounded by water. There’s virtually no margin for error. If your shot isn’t precise, the ball ends up in the drink, and you’re left with a penalty stroke and a lot of frustration.
Over the years, this hole has become a mental and emotional test for even the best players in the world. It’s not just about skill; it’s about handling pressure, staying calm, and executing under intense scrutiny.?
The hole has seen countless pros—major champions and legends of the game—dump their shots into the water. While I don’t have the exact percentage of balls that find the water, it’s safe to say that it happens a lot. The hole is designed to punish even the slightest miscalculation, whether it’s a misjudged wind, a slight mishit, or a lapse in focus.
Well, if you watched the playoff match between Rory McIlroy vs JJ Spaun, that’s exactly what happened. JJ Spaun’s hope of winning took a devastating turn when his tee shot found the water, resulting ? in a triple-bogey.
This ties perfectly into the theme of this episode. Just like in tennis, where even the greatest players like Federer only win 54% of the points, golf is a game of imperfection. The 17th hole at TPC Sawgrass is a microcosm of that reality. Even the best golfers in the world are going to make mistakes—sometimes big ones—but what separates the champions is how they recover. Do they let the water ball rattle them, or do they regroup, refocus, and nail their next shot?
The Island Green teaches us that failure is part of the game, whether it’s golf, tennis, or life. It’s not about avoiding mistakes entirely (because that’s impossible); it’s about how you respond to them. Do you dwell on the error, or do you move on and commit fully to the next shot? That’s the mindset of a champion, and it’s a lesson that resonates far beyond the golf course.
But before we dive further into the how, let’s check out the quick 2 minute part of the speech. I think it’s worth listening to:
"In tennis, perfection is impossible. In the 1,526 singles matches I played in my career, I won almost 80% of those matches. Now, I have a question for you: what percentage of points do you think I won in those matches? Only 54%. In other words, even top-ranked tennis players win barely more than half of the points they play. When you lose every second point on average, you learn not to dwell on every shot. You teach yourself to think, "Okay, I double-faulted. It's only a point. Okay, I came to the net and got passed again. It's only a point." Even a great shot, an overhead backhand smash that ends up on ESPN's top 10 playlist—that too is just a point.
Here's why I'm telling you this: when you're playing a point, it has to be the most important thing in the world, and it is. But when it's behind you, it's behind you. This mindset is crucial because it frees you to fully commit to the next point and the point after that with intensity, clarity, and focus. The truth is, whatever game you play in life, sometimes you're going to lose a point, a match, a season, or even a job. It's a roller coaster with many ups and downs, and it's natural when you're down to doubt yourself and feel sorry for yourself. By the way, your opponents have self-doubt too—don't ever forget that. But negative energy is wasted energy. You want to become a master at overcoming hard moments. That, to me, is the sign of a champion.
The best in the world are not the best because they win every point; it's because they know they lose again and again and have learned how to deal with it. You accept it, cry it out if you need to, and then force a smile. You move on, be relentless, adapt, and grow. Work harder, work smarter—remember, work smarter".
Did you know that the PGA keeps statistics of what they call a Bounce back rate??
What is it? Bounce back rate measures a golfer’s ability to recover after a poor hole. Specifically, it tracks the percentage of time a player follows a bogey or worse (a score over par on a hole) with a birdie or better (a score under par) on the very next hole. Essentially, it quantifies how well a golfer can mentally and physically rebound from a mistake.
This stat is a great indicator of a player’s mental toughness, resilience, and ability to stay composed under pressure. Golf is a game of highs and lows, and the best players are often the ones who can quickly shake off a bad hole and turn things around.
Bounce Back Rate = (Number of under par scores on the next hole / Total number of over par scores) x 100
Tour average is 21.17%
I am so fascinated by this…even that fact that they can actually measure someone’s resilience. So, here’s an interesting question, I researched who has the highest bound-back rate across all of golf history? Well, the result said that it’s difficult to pinpoint a definitive players since we have not kept the data for that long…but from what we have…guess who? Let me give you some more information, this player has a bounce back rate of 33.33%...and as I said before, compared to a tour average of 21.17. You want to know? Okay, I’ll tell you. It’s Scottie Scheffler. Oh wait, and who’s currently the number one player in the world? Oh what? Scottie Scheffler. Coincidence? Absolutely not. Do you think it happened just by chance? Absolutely not. Do you think it was just a freak change that a number one player in the world right now also has the best bounce back rate of 33.33% Absolutely not. It’s directly linked and related to ...his mental toughness, resilience, and ability to turn setbacks into comebacks. Scottie Scheffler isn’t just a phenomenal golfer because of his swing or his putting—it’s because he’s mastered the art of bouncing back. When he makes a mistake, he doesn’t let it define him. He doesn’t dwell on the bogey or the missed opportunity. Instead, he steps up to the next shot with clarity, focus, and an unshakable belief in himself. That’s what separates the good from the great. That’s what makes a champion.
Let’s get practical. So, how do we build resilience? How do we accept and move on? How do we forget what we just did and not dwell? How do we not let the mistake define us and believe that we are better than the current situation that we are in? How do we step up at the next tee and not be fearful of what we did on our last tee shot? How do we shut off the negative thoughts that are corrupting our head space and clear it out to start brand new?
Great questions. I have 3 thoughts.
1. Reframe the Narrative – Control Your Inner Dialogue
Research & Example: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) studies show that reframing negative thoughts can help people recover from setbacks faster. Instead of seeing a mistake as proof of failure, resilient people see it as a learning opportunity.
Roger Federer Example: Federer lost heartbreaking Grand Slam finals, including the 2019 Wimbledon final against Novak Djokovic, where he had match points. Instead of dwelling on the loss, he famously said, "You move on. You try again. I gave it all I had. I still love the sport." This mindset helped him stay at the top of the game well into his late 30s.
Practical Tip: After a mistake, ask yourself:
By shifting perspective, we take back control over the situation instead of letting the situation control us.
2. Develop a Reset Routine – Physically & Mentally Break the Cycle
Research & Example: A study in The Journal of Sport & Exercise Psychology found that athletes who had a physical reset routine (a deep breath, tapping their leg, looking at a focal point) were better at refocusing after mistakes. This physical action signals the brain to move on.
Tiger Woods Example: Did you know that Tiger had a specific reset routine after bad shots—he would take a deep breath, stare at a target, and completely shift his focus. He never let a mistake affect his next shot.
Practical Tip:
3. Exposure to Discomfort – Train Resilience in Small Ways
Research & Example: Psychologists say exposure therapy—gradually facing small discomforts—helps the brain build resilience. The more we intentionally expose ourselves to pressure, the better we handle it.
Michael Jordan Example: Jordan was cut from his high school team and used that as fuel. He put himself in high-pressure game scenarios in practice, so when real challenges came, he was prepared.
Practical Tip:
And finally, did you know that mistakes don’t define us—our response does. Federer, Tiger, and Jordan weren’t great because they never failed; they were great because they moved on faster than anyone else.
So here’s the challenge for you, whether you’re a golfer, a tennis player, or someone navigating the ups and downs,: Embrace the 54%. Accept that you’re going to lose points. You’re going to hit balls into the water. You’re going to face moments of doubt and failure. But don’t let those moments define you. Forgive yourself. Learn from the mistake. Then, step up to the next shot, the next point, and the next challenge with hope and determination.
Remember, the best in the world aren’t the best because they never fail. They’re the best because they’ve learned how to fail—and how to rise again. They cry it out if they need to, force a smile, and move on. They adapt. They grow. They work harder and smarter. And they never, ever give up.
Greatness isn’t about perfection. It’s about resilience. It’s about the ability to look at a ball in the water, a missed putt, or a lost point and say, “That’s behind me. What’s next?” It’s about forgiveness, hope, and the relentless pursuit of the next opportunity. That’s what separates the winners. That’s what greatness is all about.
So the next time you face a setback—remember the Island Green. Remember Federer’s 54%. And remember this: the champions aren’t the ones who never fall. They’re the ones who don’t dwell, and move on.
Let me end with this, Rory McIlroy was asked what was one of the best, most profound lesson he’s learned in his career??
To separate my score from my feelings about myself. And it took me a good decade into my career, to disassociate my good score as I am the greatest person on earth and my bad score as I am a awful human being.?
That right there is the essence of resilience. It’s the understanding that your worth isn’t tied to your performance. A bad round, a missed putt, or a lost match doesn’t define you. And neither does a great round, a perfect shot, or a win. You are not your score. You are not your mistakes. You are not your successes. You are the person who chooses how to respond to both.
So, here’s the challenge for you: The next time you face a setback—remember Rory’s lesson. Don’t let a bad moment make you feel like an awful human being. Don’t let a good moment inflate your ego. Instead, focus on the process. Focus on the next shot, the next decision, the next opportunity. Because greatness isn’t about being perfect; it’s about being resilient. It’s about knowing that no matter what happens, you have the power to reset, refocus, and rise again.
And that, that is what separates the champions from the rest. It’s not about never falling—it’s about always getting back up. So, the next time you find yourself in the rough, remember: You are not your score. You are not your mistake. You are someone who has the courage to keep going. And that’s what makes you unstoppable.
Now, go out there and play your next shot like it’s the most important one—because it is. And when it’s behind you, let it stay there. On to the next.
Now, I am not going to just leave you there, I got some drills for you. I am calling it the “no dwell drills”.? These are some things you can do during practice that will help build your resilience, deal with pressure and help you move on. To download the drills, Goto: https://bettergolfacademy.com/nodwell? - you’ll get a link to a free download.
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I'm a big fan of Federer