Learning to Be Coachable: Two Perspectives from the Field

By Ajay Kelkar and Suva Chattopadhyay

Introduction

In a recent Mentza masterclass, we explored how coachability shapes leadership effectiveness. Through our conversation—blending Ajay’s corporate leadership experiences with Suva’s coaching insights—we uncovered four essential pillars of coachability that every leader can develop to foster growth and resilience.

At the start of a new year, a topic like this feels particularly timely. Coachability is not just about openness to feedback—it’s about seeking, reflecting on, and acting on it to enable lasting growth. As two professionals passionate about leadership development, we hope this article helps you reflect on your coachability and inspires you to take the next step in your growth journey.

The Power of Coachability: A Lesson in Listening

Ajay: I vividly recall a meeting that shaped my understanding of coachability early in my career. I was presenting to the leader of a 2,000-crore business—a senior executive known for his sharp instincts and vast experience. What struck me wasn’t just his ability to analyze our presentation but his deliberate approach to feedback.

Each time we presented, he’d follow the same process: he’d sit back, observe the room, and before offering his thoughts, he’d ask everyone else to speak. Every voice mattered—whether from his senior managers or junior colleagues. Only after collecting all the perspectives would he offer his insights.

After several such interactions, I found the courage to ask why he operated this way. He shared a story from his earlier career, where he admitted he had been an aggressive leader who dominated meetings with quick solutions. Over time, he realized his approach stifled innovation, silenced diverse ideas, and left valuable perspectives on the table. He consciously decided to pause, listen, and reflect before acting.

This moment left a lasting impression on me. Here was a leader who embodied coachability—not just in his willingness to seek feedback but in his humility to change and adapt. Inspired by him, I tried to implement a similar practice. I’d like to say I adopted it fully, but the truth is, I probably managed only about 20%. Even so, that 20% had a transformative impact on my leadership style.

Coachability, I realized, is not about perfection—it’s about intention. It’s about creating space for growth, experimenting with feedback, and committing to change, one step at a time.

The Four Pillars of Coachability

1. Self-Belief: The Engine of Growth

Suva: Self-belief is more than confidence—the conviction that you can develop new capabilities. What fascinates me is the interplay between humility and confidence. These aren’t opposites but complementary forces. True humility requires immense confidence—believing you can grow, improve, and take constructive feedback without losing your self-worth. The real challenge is to experiment; sometimes, it will work, and sometimes it will not. We will have to stay in this game.

Ajay: That resonates deeply. Reflecting on my shared story, the leader’s decision to adapt his feedback process wasn’t a sign of weakness. It showed his self-belief, confidence that he could improve, and his humility to acknowledge he needed to change. It’s like having a powerful engine: you need to know when to accelerate and when to cruise.

2. Learning Orientation: The Foundation

Suva: Learning orientation begins with receiving feedback and recognizing the internal blockers that hinder that. It is not easy to take developmental feedback. There are three “feedback triggers” that often sabotage our ability to learn. This comes from the work of Sheila Heen , who is a foremost expert on Feedback.

1. The Truth Trigger: This occurs when we question the accuracy of feedback. For example, if someone says, “You interrupt too much during meetings,” our first instinct might be to say, “That’s not true—I’m just being engaged!” Instead of exploring the feedback, we focus on defending ourselves; we can focus on

·? Disentangling the "what" from the "who" - focusing on the feedback content itself rather than who delivered it

·? Looking for your piece of the truth, even if not everything in the feedback resonates

·? Getting specific examples to understand the feedback's context better

1. The Relationship Trigger: These are triggered by our relationship with the feedback giver, including how we feel about them, our previous experiences with them, and our perception of their credibility or motives. We can manage this by

·? Identifying what's triggering you about the relationship dynamic

·? Having a separate conversation about relationship issues if needed

·? Trying to see the feedback from the giver's perspective, even if you disagree with their approach

?

1. The Identity Trigger: This is the hardest one to overcome because it challenges how we see ourselves. For example, if you see yourself as someone decisive, and someone says, “Your leadership style feels intimidating,” it can feel like an attack on your identity. It can question your self-image. You can manage this by

·? Recognising when feedback has hit a personal "hot button"

·? Understanding your typical response patterns when your identity feels threatened

·? Learning to separate feedback about actions/behaviors from feedback about who you are as a person

Suva: What’s fascinating about feedback is how little attention we pay to receiving it. Here’s an interesting statistic: if you Google “how to give feedback” versus “how to receive feedback,” searches for giving feedback outnumber receiving feedback by a ratio of 10:1.

This imbalance says a lot about our priorities. Most of us are comfortable offering advice, but we hesitate when it comes to receiving feedback. Why? Receiving feedback requires humility, vulnerability, and self-awareness—qualities much more challenging to practice than simply sharing our opinions.

The challenge for leaders is to flip this mindset. To grow, we must prioritize receiving feedback as much as (if not more than) giving it.

Ajay: Recognizing these triggers is only part of the process. Learning orientation also requires us to improve the way we ask for feedback. Early in my career, I often mistakenly asked vague, open-ended questions like, “How am I doing?” or “Do you have any feedback for me?” Unsurprisingly, the answers I got were equally vague.

Over time, I learned to ask more specific, context-driven questions. For example, after giving a presentation, I might ask, “What are two things I could have done differently to make the presentation more engaging?” Or, if I were working on a big project, I’d say, “What’s one way I could streamline the process for the team?”

Specific questions lead to particular answers—and those answers often reveal actionable insights. Asking for feedback is a skill; mastering it is a key step in becoming more coachable.

Suva: That’s a great point, Ajay. Specificity makes feedback easier for others to give and more helpful for you to act on. In a way, asking better questions also shows humility. It signals that you’re not just seeking affirmation—you want to grow.

3. Feedback Receptivity: The Catalyst

Suva: Feedback receptivity is the ability to process and act on feedback, even when it’s hard to hear. This is where “loving critics” play a crucial role. A loving critic cares about your growth enough to give you tough feedback but whose intentions you trust entirely. This comes from the work of Tasha Eurich Eurich.

Ajay: Finding loving critics has been invaluable for me. They’ve helped me see blind spots I wouldn’t have noticed. For instance, colleagues challenged my approach or pointed out how my tone might unintentionally shut down discussion. It wasn’t easy to hear, but it was exactly what I needed to grow.

Suva: Not every friend or colleague can be a loving critic, and not every critic has the right intentions. The key is identifying those rare individuals who balance candor with care. They’ll tell you the hard truths, but they’ll do it because they genuinely want to see you succeed, and you recognize that, too.

4. Accountability: The Sustaining Force

Ajay: Throughout my career, informal accountability partnerships have been a lifeline. Early in my corporate journey, I was lucky to have a group of colleagues I trusted deeply. We’d meet informally—during a lunch break or over drinks on a weekend—and these weren’t just casual conversations. They were honest, unfiltered exchanges where we’d share tough feedback about everything from presentation styles to leadership approaches.

A colleague told me, “Ajay, you need to be more succinct in your presentations. Your slides are great, but sometimes the message gets buried in the detail.” At first, it stung to hear that because I prided myself on being thorough. But because I trusted the person, I could reflect on it and take their feedback seriously.

Suva: What’s powerful about such partnerships is their ability to balance support and challenge. When done right, they create psychological safety while maintaining high standards. These partnerships foster growth because they combine trust with honest, actionable feedback.

Practical Applications

To cultivate coachability, here are four growth practices we recommend:

1. Monitor Your Defensive Triggers: Notice when you feel resistant to feedback. Identify which trigger (truth, relationship, identity) is at play. Pause and reflect before responding. Document your patterns over time.
2. Build Your Network of Loving Critics: Seek people who combine care with candor. Schedule informal check-ins. Be explicit about wanting feedback. Nurture these relationships intentionally.
3. Create Reflection Routines:?Block time weekly/ fortnightly to check what’s happening, what you are hearing, what you are receiving, and what you are ignoring. Document insights and patterns. Plan experiments to test feedback. Review how you respond to feedback over time.
4. Maintain Accountability Partnerships: Identify potential “sparring partners.” Create informal feedback channels. Foster ongoing, honest dialogue. Build trust and psychological safety.

The Journey Continues

Ajay: Even now, as a leadership coach, I’m discovering new dimensions of growth. Working with my coaching supervisor, I’ve explored frameworks like polyvagal theory and Non-Violent Communication. Each one sheds new light on my triggers and responses.

Suva: That’s the thing about coachability—it’s not about reaching a destination but staying perpetually curious about things you agree with and do not agree with. Exploring something and then deciding -it is not my cup of coffee, which is fine! Like a spice in cooking, even our finest strengths need careful calibration. Recognizing and managing our triggers is a lifelong practice.

Ultimately, coachability isn’t just about receiving feedback; it’s about creating the conditions for continuous growth. Through our partnership, we’ve learned that the most powerful insights often come from blending different perspectives and maintaining the humility to keep learning—even when you think you’ve mastered something.

[This article is inspired by our Mentza masterclass conversation on coachability. The conversation between Suva & me is here:https://open.spotify.com/episode/7HUryYxw7DIkRVETTuQJNG?si=Q6HIfNDhS9G90K7wSUogzw]

Uday Kiran

?